French Town Upholds 62-Year-Old Ban on UFOs

The mayor of the French town of Châteauneuf-du-Pape has upheld a 62-year-old law banning UFOs.

The 1954 law was established after a man in northern France said he had seen two figures that looked like ‘deep sea divers’ emerging from a ‘cigar-shaped’ space ship.

But don’t make yourself a tin foil hat yet. Lucien Jeune’s son, Elie Jeune, has dismissed his father’s decree as a “publicity stunt”, telling reporters: ‘At that time, people were talking a lot about extraterrestrials and the unknown, it was in fashion, and there were loads of stories circulating.’

‘He wanted to make a bit of an advertisement for Châteauneuf. It was an excellent publicity stunt… and free.’ Journalists flocked to Châteauneuf-du-Pape from all over the world and, predictably, the public couldn’t get enough of the story.

— “‘No UFOs allowed’: French mayor refuses to overturn town’s bizarre extraterrestrial ban,” Hazel Plush, The Telegraph

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President Hillary Will Release the Files — the X-Files

“When Jimmy Kimmel asked Hillary Clinton in a late-night TV interview about U.F.O.s, she quickly corrected his terminology.

‘You know, there’s a new name,’ Mrs. Clinton said in the March appearance. ‘It’s unexplained aerial phenomenon,’ she said. ‘U.A.P. That’s the latest nomenclature.’

Known for her grasp of policy, Mrs. Clinton has spoken at length in her presidential campaign on topics as diverse as Alzheimer’s research and military tensions in the South China Sea. But it is her unusual knowledge about extraterrestrials that has struck a small but committed cohort of voters.

Mrs. Clinton has vowed that barring any threats to national security, she would open up government files on the subject, a shift from President Obama, who typically dismisses the topic as a joke. Her position has elated U.F.O. enthusiasts, who have declared Mrs. Clinton the first ‘E.T. candidate.’”

–“Hillary Clinton Gives U.F.O. Buffs Hope She Will Open the X-Files,” Amy Chozick, New York Times

“Hillary Clinton’s UFO investigation plans unlikely to achieve liftoff, experts say,” Adam Gabbatt, The Guardian

“What Hillary Clinton Says About Aliens Is Totally Misguided,” Nadia Drake, National Geographic Phenomena

‘Little Green Men’ Keep the Peace in Crimea

They came from Russia Outer Space, perhaps. Silently, in the dead of night, thousands of heavily armed masked men appeared on the streets of Sevastopol‎, Simferopol‎, and Yalta.‎ Their green uniforms bear no markings, and they’re not talking. Observers speculate that the Federation of Planets sent them as poll watchers, to ensure a free and fair vote in today’s Crimean referendum.

More:

“OSCE evidence lifts lid on ‘little green men’ in Crimea,” Peter Felstead, IHS Jane’s 360

“Crimeans vote on Russia referendum,” Carol Morello and Pamela Constable, Washington Post

“Why the Crimean referendum is illegal,” Lea Brilmayer, The Guardian

“Crimea as consolation prize: Russia faces some big costs over Ukrainian region,” Will Englund, Washington Post

UPDATES:

“Crimea Votes to Secede From Ukraine as Russian Troops Keep Watch,” David M. Herszenhor, New York Times

“Crimea votes to secede from Ukraine in ‘illegal’ poll,” Luke Harding and Shaun Walker, The Guardian

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Roswell UFO Crash Anniversary

You probably wondered why your Space Alien co-workers weren’t at the office Monday morning until you saw the commemorative Google Doodle. It was the 66th Anniversary of the famous UFO crash at Roswell, New Mexico, an ET holiday.

More:

“Your Burning Questions About The Roswell Incident, Answered,” Rose Pastore, PopSci.com

“Roswell — 66 years of alien lore,” CBS News

“Roswell anniversary and the UFO question — some skeptical notes,” Alexandra Petri, Washington Post blog

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British Newspaper Issues Apology

Following last week’s publication of an article by Paul Sims reporting that flying saucers were seen to hover over British Scientology headquarters, The Sun newspaper issued this apology:

“In an article on Saturday headlined ‘Flying saucers over British Scientology HQ’, we stated ‘two flat silver discs’ were seen ‘above the Church of Scientology HQ’.

Following a letter from lawyers for the Church, we apologise to any alien lifeforms for linking them to Scientologists.”

— “Aliens: An Apology,” The Sun

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Feline Spies

“Domestic house cats, it seems, may be alien sentinels—sent to spy on us and report their findings back to the mother ship. Or, as some theorists have put it, they’re like alien camcorders tracking our every move.”

— “Are Cats Spies Sent by Aliens? A Deep Examination of One of the Internet’s Best Conspiracy Theories,” Austin Considine, Motherboard

Related:

“Why Rational People Buy Into Conspiracy Theories,” Maggie Koerth-Baker, New York Times Magazine

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UFO Welcome Center in Bowman, South Carolina

Flying saucers zoomed through the skies of the 1950s and 1960s. Why the lack of recent UFO sightings? Some observers say it’s due to the end of the Cold War, but South Carolina’s Jody Pendarvis blames it on the shocking lack of travel amenities for space aliens. That’s why he built a UFO Welcome Center next to his house trailer.

Obama Saves Earth from Space Alien Attack!

In a stunning endorsement of the Obama Administration’s defense policy, 65 percent of Americans say Barack Obama could handle a space alien invasion better than challlenger Mitt Romney. That’s according to a recent poll by the National Geographic Channel.

One third of Americans believe space aliens have visited Earth already. We do not know if President Obama’s recent executive order on immigration applies to space aliens brought here as babies or larvae.

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Obama Writes Off Extraterrestrial Vote

In a daring political move, the White House has issued a statement denying the existence of space aliens on Earth. With this act, President Obama risks offending extraterrestial voters, an important swing bloc (especially in Roswell NM and Nevada’s Area 51). Democratic Party operatives probably figure that E.T.s will support one of their own, like Michele Bachmann, anyway.

The official statement on space aliens was written by Phil Larsen of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy. Mr. Larsen wrote in response to online petitions from supporters of Rep. Ron Paul demanding recogition of space alien Personhood and E.T. voting rights.

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Bryn Mawr Announces Intergalactic Partnership

April 1, 2011

Pennsylvania’s venerable Bryn Mawr College launched itself into the 21st century today by announcing a new partnership with the Bithnian University of Science and Technology. Many U.S. colleges have international programs but, as Bryn Mawr President Jane McAuliffe observes, “Global partnerships are so 2010.”

“Bryn Mawr is simply beyond global, and we are boldly going where no college has gone before. Our students need to learn to be intergalactic citizens.”
–“Bryn Mawr leads intergalactic Age With Bithnian Partnership” (Press release).