Posts Tagged ‘colleges’

Trump Pays $25 Million Over Phony University

November 21, 2016

Trump Pays $25 Million Over Phony University

On Friday, President-elect and litigious career con man Donald J. Trump, who prides himself on never settling lawsuits, agreed to a $25 million settlement over his fraudulent “Trump University.” You may not have noticed because Mr. Trump spent the weekend distracting the media with his theater criticism.

Donald Trump’s unlicensed “university” was a bait-and-switch scheme, offering free courses that were sales pitches for $1,000 courses, which were in turn sales pitches for $10,000 and $35,000 courses. It’s a wonder the President-elect wasn’t sued by the Church of Scientology for stealing its business model.

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Give me an H! Give me an A! Give me a Z–I–N–G!

September 1, 2013

Give me an H! Give me an A! Give me a Z--I--N--G!

The human pyramid of championship cheerleading came crashing down at Towson University last week. The entire Towson Tiger Cheerleading Team, every single girl, was suspended for hazing. “Hazing in any form will not be tolerated at Towson University,” said university VP Deb Moriarty, and the school’s hazing policy is clear. The cheerleaders are also banned from performing or practicing their quasi-sport, but perhaps they will have a role in Towson’s Hazing Prevention Week, conveniently scheduled for September 23-27, 2013.

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New York Sues Trump Over Bogus ‘University’

August 27, 2013

New York Sues Trump Over Bogus 'University'

New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman is suing Donald Trump for $40 Million for running a fraudulent “University.” The 5,000 students, who paid up to $35,000 each, should have known the deal was a fraud, since there was a warning label. It said “Trump” right on it.

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Bryn Mawr Announces Intergalactic Partnership

April 1, 2011

Bryn Mawr Announces Intergalactic Partnership

April 1, 2011

Pennsylvania’s venerable Bryn Mawr College launched itself into the 21st century today by announcing a new partnership with the Bithnian University of Science and Technology. Many U.S. colleges have international programs but, as Bryn Mawr President Jane McAuliffe observes, “Global partnerships are so 2010.”

“Bryn Mawr is simply beyond global, and we are boldly going where no college has gone before. Our students need to learn to be intergalactic citizens.”
–“Bryn Mawr leads intergalactic Age With Bithnian Partnership” (Press release).

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Charlie Sheen, Commencement Speaker?

March 4, 2011

Charlie Sheen, Commencement Speaker?

Students at Washington, DC’s George Washington University want controversial television star Charlie Sheen as their 2012 commencement speaker, and they’ve started a Facebook campaign to get him. This year another sexy celeb is featured at the school’s graduation: Michael Bloomberg.

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Business Professor Charged With Fraud

February 1, 2011

Business Professor Charged With Fraud

University of Rhode Island professor John K. Dunn, a lawyer, has been charged with three felony counts in an alleged mortgage fraud scheme.

Professor Dunn teaches “Legal and Ethical Environment of Business” in the University’s Entrepreneurial Management & Law program. From the program description:

“The entrepreneur faces unique situations and needs a variety of competencies to meet these challenges. The major in Entrepreneurial Management is intended to provide the student with a background to tackle all aspects of a small business or entrepreneurial endeavor. Our Entrepreneurial Management curriculum builds the skills necessary to successfully develop and manage a business enterprise.”

The enterprise in which the Professor engaged, say State Police, involved mortgage fraud and obtaining hundreds of thousands of dollars under false pretenses. And why not? The University of Rhode Island motto is “Think Big. We Do.”

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Legacy Admissions

October 18, 2010

Legacy Admissions

Colleges call them “legacy admissions,” high school students who get admission preference because their parents are rich alumni. A new publication edited by Richard D. Kahlenberg calls them what they are: Affirmative Action for the Rich.

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The New Terrorism: Zombies

October 16, 2010

When Zombies Attack!

U.S. Homeland Security forces are severely strained this weekend as zombies coordinate attacks across the country. The cause of this annual seasonal outbreak may be weaponized biohazards, caution epidemiologists, as they redouble their search to isolate a “Zombie Flu” virus.

This month saw attacks on Traverse City, Normal, Salt Lake City, Shreveport, Oakland, East Peoria, and Pittsburgh. Zombie Code Red alerts are posted for Morgantown, Dallas, Merced, Seattle, Panama City, and other U.S. cities. The global crisis threatens Glasgow, Rotorua, Toronto, and Sault Ste. Marie. Many cities observed World Zombie Day on October 10th to remember those killed by the Undead, and a commemorative opera has been commissioned.

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Wal-Mart University

June 8, 2010

Wal-Mart University

Employees of Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club stores can receive college credit for restocking shelves. Wal-Mart has arranged a higher education program through a big-box online college, American Public University. Employees may be awarded “life experience” credit that can be applied towards an Associate Degree.

Wal-Mart imports much of its stock from Asia, so it is fitting that the store’s university has “more than 600 faculty members teaching from around the world ….” Perhaps the Chancellor is Professor Rollback.

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New University in Shanghai. Fries with That?

April 1, 2010

New University in Shanghai

China sent the U.S. 83,000 college and graduate students this year. We sent China Hamburger U.

The McDonald’s Corporation opened its prestigious management training facility in Shanghai on Tuesday. There are over a thousand Mickey Ds in the nation of 1.3 billion and plans for thousands more.  China’s new Hamburger University expects to serve up 5,000 graduates in the next five years.

 

 

The fellow in the yellow suit is a registered trademark of McDonald’s, used here under the parody provisions of the Fair Use Doctrine. NotionsCapital received no promotional consideration for this, not even a Red Bean Pie.

Image (“Glorious Joint Venture Feeds the Masses”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.