Posts Tagged ‘GOP’

Fresh Fiorina Failure

February 11, 2016

Fresh Fiorina Failure
Carly Fiorina, the CEO who crashed Compaq and HP and laid off 30,000 employees, who campaigned for the Senate in 2010 with a herd of Demon Sheep and lost, has suspended her 2016 presidential campaign after finishing 7th in the New Hampshire GOP primary. Another failed tycoon finished first.

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Chris Christie to Exit GOP Race?

February 10, 2016

Chris Christie to Exit GOP Race?
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is expected to suspend his presidential campaign after finishing 6th in the New Hampshire Republican Primary.  Andy Borowitz said it best: “Chris Christie Quits Race to Focus on Tormenting Rubio.”

Updates:

“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie ends 2016 White House bid,” Jill Colvin, Associated Press

“Christie Leaves White House Race ‘Without An Ounce Of Regret,'” Sara Jerde, TPM Livewire

“Why Chris Christie Failed,” Nate Silver, Vox

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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New Hampshire Fashion Statement

February 9, 2016

New Hampshire Fashion Statement

“Donald Trump Is a Loser in Iowa. Sad!” Jeremy Stahl, Slate

“Why Trump Lost Iowa,” John McCormack, Weekly Standard

“The Internet celebrates Trump’s humiliating Iowa loss,” Brad Reed, BGR

“NY tabloids mock Trump over Iowa loss,” Jesse Byrnes, The Hill

“In Iowa, the Emperor Has No Clothes,” Emily Arrowood, U.S. News & World Report

“All Donald Trump does is win – until he doesn’t. Now what happens?” Paul Lewis, The Guardian

“Loser.com redirects to Iowa nonwinner Donald Trump,” Chris Matyszczyk, CNET.com

“Rivals Look to New Hampshire for a Shot at Breaking Donald Trump’s Stride,” Alexander Burns, New York Times

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Marco Rubio is Not a Robot. Robots Are Smarter.

February 8, 2016

Marco Rubio is Not a Robot. Robots Are Smarter.
In the recent GOP debate in Manchester, New Hampshire, Chris Christie pointed out that Marco Rubio keeps mechanically repeating a few rehearsed phrases over and over. Critics and protesters are calling the Florida Senator “Robot Rubio,” “Marcobot,” Rubio Bot,” and “Robo-Rubio.” That’s unfair.

Marco Rubio is not a robot. Robots are smarter than that.

If you’re a registered Republican, you’re probably old enough to recognize what Mr. Rubio really is. He’s not a robot and not a broken record. He’s Chatty Marco.

In 1960, Mattel Inc. introduced the Chatty Cathy doll. It had a pull-string voicebox; when the string was pulled it “spoke”and played back one of a dozen pre-recorded phrases at random. Cathy was not designed to respond to changing circumstances with new utterances. Robots, however, can do that through AI, and they are constantly learning new responses.

See? Marco Rubio is not a robot.

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Image (“Chatty Marco”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Trump Steaks: Tough to Swallow

February 5, 2016

Trump Steaks: Tough to Swallow

Donald Trump may play a successful business tycoon on TV, buts he’s made lots of bad deals in the real world: failed casinos, an airline, vodka, a mortgage company, spring water, a sham “university,” a board game, bungled real estate deals, a magazine, a football team, a couple of failed marriages. The Donald’s goofiest venture, though, has got to be Trump Steaks, sold (for some reason) by Sharper Image and through QVC.  Steak “collections” sold for hundreds of dollars but reviews say the stuff was tough and greasy.

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Ted Cruz Vanquishes New York Values in Iowa

February 2, 2016

Ted Cruz Vanquishes New York Values in Iowa
In the Republican melee in Iowa yesterday, Holy Warrior Ted Cruz drew first blood, besting Plumed Knight Donald Trump, with Marco Rubio nipping at Mr. Trump’s rump. “New York values” didn’t play so well in farm country.

“Fighting Preacher” Mike Huckabee has withdrawn from the field of battle, and Doctor Ben Carson is missing in action after looking for a laudromat. The surviving GOP combatants move their conflict east to New Hampshire next week.

More:

“Cruz Says ‘New York Values’ Attack Led To Victory Over Trump In Iowa,” Sara Jerde, TPM Livewire

“Cruz Victory Gives Hope To Despised People Everywhere,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Iowa Matters. For a Day. Every 4 Years.

February 1, 2016

Iowa Matters. For a Day. Every 4 Years.

Tonight in Iowa, citizens will gather in hundreds of little groups to determine which Presidential candidate they would prefer as a drinking buddy (note: Trump doesn’t drink). The Iowa Caucus process has not changed much over the years except for the inclusion of computers, womenfolk, and voters with dark complexions (if the latter can be found in Iowa).

The caucus process is simple: At 7 PM Central Time, adult Iowa citizens show up at the church basement, roller rink, farmhouse, or pork-packing plant designated as the local caucus site by state Republican and Democratic parties. Republican attendees display their GOP tattoos at the door; those without them must get marked-up before Monday night. Candidate adherents rant, threaten, and cajole. For Republicans, secret balloting follows, then local caucus hosts have their grandchildren use laptop computers to enter the voting results, which are transmitted through the cloud to Iowa GOP Central Command, located in an empty grain elevator at an undisclosed location in Sioux County.

Iowa Democrats use a different system. At every local caucus they huddle in groups backing each candidate. Any group with less than 15 members is deemed “non-viable” and dissolved, and its members scatter to back other candidates. When the music stops the biggest group wins, but only the jammers can score. Caucus hosts enter results into a Microsoft program; after it freezes up, they re-boot their laptops and re-enter the data, which is collated in the cloud and certified at Iowa Democratic Party HQ, i.e. a Starbucks in the East Village neighborhood of Des Moines (free WiFi!).

After precinct caucuses finally end, winners of each party caucus are confirmed and announced, runners-up are crowned Miss Popularity, and losers and their surrogates begin the arduous spin cycle. In November the names of the caucus winners are put on the Iowa ballot  and voters elect someone else as President.

God Bless America.

More:

“How The Iowa Democratic Caucus Works, Featuring Legos,” Taylor Dobbs and Angela Evancie, Vermont Public Radio

“Why do the Iowa caucuses matter? Because everyone thinks they do.”Andrew Prokop, Vox

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Image by Mike Licht (who knows those are Okies). Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Quitter: Trump Debate No-Show

January 28, 2016

Quitter: Trump Debate No-Show

“Trump’s Misogynistic Meltdown,” Emily Arrowood, U.S. News & World Report

“Donald Trump Is Skipping the GOP Debate Because He Hates Women,” Jesse Berney, Rolling Stone

“CNN’s Carol Costello: If Trump ‘Cherishes Women,’ Why Does He Call Them Bimbos?” Alex Griswold, Mediaite

“Donald Trump has a problem with strong women,” Edward Luce, Financial Times

“Rand Paul: Donald Trump ‘Doesn’t Like A Strong, Assertive Woman,’” Andrew Kaczynski, BuzzFeed

“The sexism in Donald Trump’s latest swipe at Fox News’s Megyn Kelly,” Eric Wemple, Washington Post

“Fear of Women Is Key to Donald Trump’s Misogyny — and America’s,” Adele M. Stan, American Prospect

Related:

“Millions Resent Being Put in Horrible Position of Siding with Megyn Kelly,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

“How Donald Trump uses .political correctness. to make sexist bullying seem like heroism,” Amanda Taub, Vox

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Massacre on Fifth Avenue?

January 28, 2016

Massacre on Fifth Avenue?
“I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK?”
Donald Trump, West Des Moines Iowa
January 23, 2016 [NBC News]

Note: Donald J. Trump has a New York City concealed-carry permit and owns several handguns.

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‘Two Corinthians Walk Into a Bar ….’

January 27, 2016

'2 Corinthians Walk Into a Bar ....'

When Republican presidential hopeful, shady golfer and adulterer Donald Trump spoke at fundamentalist Liberty University recently, he quoted from his “favorite book,” the Bible, which someone else read for him (he “has people…”). Mr. Trump elicited ridicule by citing Second Corinthians as “Two Corinthians.” Oops.

Maybe The Donald would have been better off quoting from his “second favorite book,” Art of the Deal. That’s the autobiography he paid Tony Schwartz to write for him.

Really smartWharton grad Donnie Trump may have flunked Bible School, but that didn’t stop gun-totinlawyer and Liberty U. prez Jerry Falwell Jr. from endorsing him. Mr. Falwell, like his televangelist daddy, is a man of faith, facts and democracy be damned.

More:

“Trump Thumps Bible, Bible Thumps Back,” Monica Bauer, Huffington Post

“Trump’s Liberty U Performance Was Insulting to Christians Everywhere,” Tom DeLay, Christian Post

“Bible-thumping playboy: Associated Press explores faith, contradictions of Donald Trump,” Bobby Ross Jr., Get Religion

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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