Posts Tagged ‘GOP’

Boehner Called Cruz ‘Lucifer’ and Satanists Are Mad as Hell

April 29, 2016

Boehner Called Cruz 'Lucifer' and Satanists Are Mad as Hell

Former House Speaker John Boehner called GOP candidate Ted Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh” Wednesday night. Senator Cruz took it pretty well, but not Satanic Temple spokesman Lucien Greaves:

“It grows tedious when pedophile priests and loathsome politicians are conveniently dismissed as Satanic, even as they spew biblical verse and prostrate themselves before the cross, recruiting the Christian faithful. Satanists will have nothing to do with any of them.”


“Satanists are furious that Boehner compared Ted Cruz to the Dark Lord,” Bethania Palma Markus, Raw Story

“Satanists balk at Cruz comparison,” Mark Hensch, The Hill

“An exorcist told us how to rid Ted Cruz of Lucifer, just in case John Boehner is right,” Philip Bump, Washington Post


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Rich Spoiled Brat Whines About the Rules in Mid-Game

April 15, 2016

Rich Spoiled Brat Whines About the Rules in Mid-Game

Reality TV star and steak salesman Donald J. Trump is a sore loser. As a spoiled rich kid, he was used to getting his way, and he has not mellowed with age. If he’s not winning the race for the Republican presidential candidacy, the other guy must be cheating. “The system is rigged, it’s crooked,” he told Fox News after losing Colorado’s delegates to Ted Cruz:

 “There was no voting. I didn’t go out there to make a speech or anything, there’s no voting. The people out there are going crazy, in the Denver area and Colorado itself, and they’re going absolutely crazy because they weren’t given a vote. This was given by politicians – it’s a crooked deal.”

Mr. Trump also claimed: “Our Republican system is absolutely rigged. It’s a phony deal, They wanted to keep people out. This is a dirty trick.”

“Donald Trump won the Florida primary with 46 percent of the vote,” observed Paul Waldman, “yet even though most Florida Republicans voted against him, he got all 99 of the state’s delegates. I don’t recall him complaining about how unfair that was.”


Trump’s Chip-Shot Charity

April 12, 2016

Trump's Chip-Shot Charity
Reality TV star, celebrity golf cheat, and GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump claims he made 4,844 charitable donations with a value of $102 million of the past 10 years, but little of that largesse involved gifts of his own personal money. Mr. Trump gave away free rounds of golf at courses he owns or runs and called it charity. Most of the actual cash given to the Donald J. Trump Foundation was donated by pro wrestling promoters ($5 million), a “sports marketing” group’s ticket scalper ($1.9 million), “Apprentice” producer NBCUniversal Media ($500,000), and Comedy Central, which produced a Trump “roast” ($400,000).

The largest Trump “donation” was a total of real estate easements valued at $63.8 million, agreements not to do certain types of building on particular parcels of land. That’s a pretty good way to defray failed development deals by taking tax deductions in the name of ecology. For the rest, the Washington Post estimated that Mr. Trump claimed charitable credit for about 2,900 free rounds of golf, 175 free hotel stays, 165 free meals and 11 gift certificates to spas over the past decade.


Republicans: Welcome to Cleveland!

April 5, 2016

Republicans: Welcome to Cleveland!

The city of Cleveland is looking forward to hosting the 2016 Republican National Convention in July. The Cleveland Division of Police is buying snappy new uniforms, riot-control suits that look like samurai armor. Officers will wave hello to visitors with new 26-inch expandable steel batons with weighted tips, and 300 bicycle-riding armored cops will entertain the sidewalk throngs. Cleveland police will also decorate the streetscape with miles of interlocking steel crowd-control barriers.

Congress gave Cleveland $30 million for event security, so the Ohio town is really gearing up to greet the 50,000 visiting GOP conventioneers, including Donald Trump’s legion of goons, bikers, and KKK followers. Suburban law enforcement will lend officers to bring the Cleveland force up to 5,000, but maybe Governor Kasich can have his confetti bomber on call for emergency crowd immobilization, just in case.


GOP Convention: Look Out, Cleveland….

March 16, 2016

GOP Convention: Look Out, Cleveland ....

Reality TV star and billionaire thug Donald M. Trump, fresh from the triumph of winning the Florida GOP primary, shared his vision of this summer’s Republican National Convention in Cleveland. If he’s a few hundred delegates shy of 1,237 and isn’t the nominee: “I think you’d have riots,” he told Chris Cuomo,  “I think you’d have problems like you’ve never seen before. I think bad things would happen.”

But since GOP delegates are selected by GOP state committees and not the candidates, they represent the Republican Party first, so the convention is not necessarily a Trump Coronation. Look out, Cleveland.


Shocker: Violence at Trump Rallies

March 11, 2016

Shocker: Violence at Trump Rallies
There are reports of violence at political rallies for reality TV star and billionaire authoritarian thug Donald J. Trump. Who would think that a supporter of  the man who said he’d like to punch protesters in the face would punch a protester in the face? What could drive the campaign manager of a man who has threatened reporters to rough up a reporter?

When little Donny Trump was in second grade, he punched his music teacher in the face. He was so incorrigible that his family finally sent him to military school. Sounds like it’s time for him to re-enroll.


“Donald Trump gives supporters permission to be violent at rallies: ‘I’ll defend you in court,’” Kellan Howell, Washington Times

“Cheers, a punch, a slur. What it’s like in the crowd at a Donald Trump rally.” Stephanie McCrummen, Washington Post

“Why All the Violence at Donald Trump Rallies?” Tom Jacobs, Pacific Standard

“Breitbart reporter is latest victim of the wild media environment created by Donald Trump’s campaign,” Callum Borchers, Washington Post

“Donald Trump and the press, a few notable scuffles,” Cox Media via KRMG


Dr. Ben Carson at CPAC

March 7, 2016

Dr. Ben Carson at CPAC

Ben Carson MD addressed the Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) this weekend, formally announcing that his presidential campaign is definitely deceased, passed on, is no more, has ceased to be, has expired, is bereft of life, has kicked the bucket and shuffled off this mortal coil, has run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.

Dr. Carson has accepted a job as chairman of a new group practice, the Christian Catatonic Conservative Congregation, and will urge inert evangelicals to go out and vote. And buy his books.



March 4, 2016


GOP presidential contender and TV reality star Donald Trump has revealed his healthcare policy. Like other Republicans, Mr. Trump wants to trash the Affordable Care Act for three good reasons: It has enrolled 20 million people who didn’t have insurance coverage before, cost less than projected, and (most importantly) everyone calls it “Obamacare.”

The Donald consulted the finest minds at Trump University Medical School and formulated a healthcare system that would cost a fortune while leaving millions of Americans without medical care. Obamacare covers people even if they have preexisting conditions; TRUMPcare kicks those 60 million losers to the curb. TRUMPcare allows insurance sales across state lines, fostering even greater corporate consolidation. The Donald’s plan also relies on health savings accounts, which won’t work for people who don’t earn enough to save. TRUMPcare would lower costs through tax deductions, which are great for the rich, instead of tax credits, which benefit people of all income levels.

It’s certainly a meaty proposal. In fact, TRUMPcare is the Trump Steaks of health policy.


Dr. Carson Declares His Campaign Dead

March 3, 2016

Dr. Carson Declares His Campaign Dead

“I do not see a political path forward in light of last evening’s Super Tuesday primary results,” said Dr. Ben Carson, retired neurosurgeon and comatose Republican presidential contender on Wednesday. He had already decided to skip Thursday’s GOP debate in Detroit since no one noticed that he attended last week’s debate in Houston.

The political pathologists of the press haven’t completed the autopsy, but it appears the Carson campaign died of neglect. In lieu of flowers, send condolences to the campaign donors.


Trump’s Triumphant Tuesday

March 2, 2016

Trump's Triumphant Tuesday

On Super Tuesday Donald J. Trump, reality TV star, failed mortage banker, and threat to American democracy, won more states than any other Republican primary candidate, ever. God save the Republic.


“Trump is the GOP’s Frankenstein monster. Now he’s strong enough to destroy the party,” Robert Kagan, Washington Post

“Donald Trump Is Transforming the G.O.P. Into a Populist, Nativist Party,” John Cassidy, The New Yorker

“For the Republican party, it’s Trumpocalypse Now,” Christopher R. Barron, The Guardian



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