Posts Tagged ‘Crime’

Lochte Wins Olympic Gold In Frat Boy Moves

August 22, 2016

Lochte Wins Olympic Gold In Frat Boy Moves

Ryan Lochte, champion Olympic swimmer and America’s Sexiest Douchbag, is in the news, but not for winning his 12th Olympic medal in Rio. He went to a party at Rio’s Casa França with swim team pals Jimmy Feigen, Gunnar Bentz and Jack Conger and they got drunk. On their way back to the Olympic Village in the wee hours of August 14th, they had their cab driver stop at a gas station in Rio’s Barra da Tijuca neighborhood so they could take a pee. The restroom door was locked, but boys will be boys and nature abhors a full bladder, so they broke down the door and trashed a soap holder, a mirror, and a “Please Do Not Enter” sign. Two impatient athletes peed against a wall. In other words, just another boys night out for privileged American jocks.

But this didn’t go over so well in upscale Barra da Tijuca. An armed security guard appeared, and the drunken bros paid about $51 toward the damages before their taxi was allowed to pull away.

Ryan Lochte (“So Sexy, So Dumb“) had a short-lived reality TV show called What Would Ryan Lochte Do? In this case what he did was lie, as any spoiled frat boy would. When the teammates got back to the Olympic Village, they claimed they were robbed of $400 at gunpoint by crooks masquerading as police, and Ryan Lochte even told that lie to his mother.

This all fell apart when security video surfaced showing that the four had their wallets when they passed through metal detectors on their return to the athletes village. Surveillance footage from the gas station even showed them breaking down that door.

Swimmers Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz were pulled off a US-bound plane in Rio on August 17th and questioned by police. Teammate Jimmy Feigen was forced to pay $11,000 to a Brazilian charity before he was allowed to leave the country. And Ryan Lochte, in the true spirit of “I’m-a-celebrity-get-me-outta-here,” left Rio on August 16th, before any of that happened.

So after the 2016 Olympic Games observed their closing ceremonies, the people of Rio remember how America’s spoiled millionaire athletes trashed their city and its reputation and taxed its already overburdened justice system. And total bro Ryan Lochte went back to his 130 pairs of shoeship-hop-tropical-frat-boy wardrobe, and a T-shirt that says “I am Ryan Lochte. Google Me.” Only now when you Google “Ryan Lochte,” you’ll get the word “liar.” That’s one Lochte Olympic record that will never be broken.

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New York Plagued by Ice Cream Rustlers

August 16, 2016

New York Plagued by Ice Cream Rustlers
New York City was once known as “A Summer Festival” but this year, with Climate Change, the the Big Apple’s summer is big, hot, sweaty mess. And now there are ice cream thieves.

Shoplifting swarms have been emptying retail freezers at Manhattan CVS, Duane Reade, and Gristedes chain stores. Thieves steal the $6.00 containers of Häagen-Dazs, Ben and Jerry’s, and Talenti ice cream and sell them cheaply to corner stores, which retail them for $5.00.

Things are so bad this summer that John Catsimatidis, billionaire owner of the Gristedes grocery chain, is offering a $5,000 bounty for the arrest of ice cream rustlers. So get your posse together, ride them varmints down, and get the reward. Quick, before it melts.

More:

“Ice cream bandits are wreaking havoc on NYC supermarkets,” Reuven Fenton and Linda Massarella, New York Post

“So Maybe Don’t Buy Ice Cream At A Bodega,” Nell Casey,  Gothamist

Update:

“Stolen, Sold and Savored: Ice Cream Is a Hot Commodity in Manhattan,” Michael Wilson, New York Times

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Image (“Lady With an Ice Cream Sundae, after d’Agesci”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Florida’s Big Business: Medicare Fraud

July 28, 2016

Florida's Big Business: Medicare Fraud

The U.S. Department of Justice nabbed three conspirators and accused them of defrauding taxpayers of $1 billion through nursing services and assisted-living facilities in the Miami-Dade area. “The magnitude of alleged false claims in this scheme is staggering and outrageous, even by South Florida healthcare fraud standards,” said U.S. attorney Wifredo Ferrer, alluding to the Sunshine State’s major industry, Medicare fraud. The three were charged with conspiracy, money laundering and health care fraud, and two were also charged with obstructing justice.

Thank Florida’s governor, Tea Party Republican Rick Scott, for the expansion of the medical fraud industry. The state is so dirty-business-friendly it has attracted foreign investors from Russia and Nigeria.

More:

“Justice Department Charges Three in $1 Billion Medicare Fraud Scheme in Florida,” Kate O’Keeffe, Wall Street Journal

Related:

“Medicare Fraud Is Sweetest Crime in South Florida,” Chris Parker, New Times Broward/Palm Beach

“What’s the matter with Florida? Healthcare fraud flourishes despite enforcement efforts,” Lisa Schencker, Modern Healthcare

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

Who Moved My Cheese?

July 12, 2016

food cheese wedge

Thieves stole 20,000 pounds of cheese from a truck parked at a business in Oak Creek Wisconsin last week.

“Police say the semi driver was transporting the load from Green Bay to the New York City area and unhitched the trailer to run an errand. When he returned, the trailer and $46,000 worth of cheese was gone.

It’s not the first such heist of the legacy commodity in a state where sports fans like to wear foam wedges on their heads. A semitrailer carrying $70,000 worth of cheese was stolen from Germantown, another Milwaukee suburb, in January.”

— “Thieves at large, with 20,000 pounds of cheese, in Wisconsin,” Chicago Tribune

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The Founding Fathers Never Saw an AR-15

June 16, 2016

The Founding Fathers Never Saw an AR-15
When the Bill of Rights was drafted, the 2nd Amendment was added to allow state governments to form armed militias. In 2008 Supreme Court justices raised on Western movies decided that the Constitution guarantees firearms to individual gunslingers, not just well-regulated militias.

The military firearms known to the Founding Fathers were single-shot, muzzle-loading muskets that could fire slow-moving lead balls 2 or 3 times a minute, at best, with accuracy up to about 60 yards. Even if the framers had conferred military gun ownership as an individual right, they could never have envisioned weapons that hold 30-round magazines and fire 45 aimed rounds a minute at 3,500 feet per second with 600 yard accuracy, like the rifles favored by America’s mass murders.

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Robbers Hit a French McDonald’s While the SWaT Team Eats Dinner

June 10, 2016

Robbers Hit a French McDonald's While the SWaT Team Eats Dinner

A couple of guys walked into a McDonald’s in Besançon, France on Sunday evening, but they didn’t come for the Boeuf Ranch Moutarde or Croque McDo. They robbed the joint at gunpoint. Among the 40 diners, however, were 11 off-duty members of Groupe d’Intervention de la Gendarmerie Nationale or GIGN (these guys), crack anti-terrorism police. As the desperadoes made off with about $2,000 in cash, one of them tripped and was disarmed by GIGN, who shot the other guy outside McDo’s when he didn’t drop his weapon. No diners or pommes frites were harmed during the take-down, and the injured burger bandit will recover.

More:

“Armed robbers thwarted trying to hold up McDonald’s where 11 special forces officers happened to be eating dinner,” Henry Samuel, The Telegraph

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Image (“McDo et Chat”) by Mike Licht Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com.

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Trump University: The Hammer Is Coming Down

June 9, 2016

Trump University: The Hammer Is Coming Down

Woodrow Wilson was the president of Princeton. Dwight D. Eisenhower was president of Columbia. Donald J. Trump was … hey, what ever happened to Trump University?

Oh, right, it was a scam. It’s in the courts in New York and California. The Donald apparently bought off similar lawsuits in Texas and Florida by donating to the campaigns of state Attorneys General.

Spoiled rich kid, mob associate, and tax cheat Donald Trump failed at selling vodka, beauty pageant tickets, and steaks, but it’s his failed Trump University scam that has him in court as a defendant. Mr. Trump is incensed — he likes to be the plaintiff. Trump has sued or threatened to sue nearly everyone who’s crossed his path and, according to USA Today, he is the plaintiff in 1900 current lawsuits.

And he’s being sued just for taking money from poor single mothers and the elderly. Those losers had it coming. And since that sleazy Washington Post sued to have that biased judge unseal the Trump U salesmen’s playbook and testimony, valuable trade secrets are now worthless — and there are still plenty of gullible marks out there just waiting for the next Trump con job.

Trump University’s founder is scheduled for his own oral exam sometime after the general election. American voters will be tested on November 8th.

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Image by Mike Licht Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Trump Aide’s Biting Defense

March 30, 2016

Trump Aide's Biting Defense

Corey Lewandowski, presidential candidate Donald Trump’s campaign manager, has been charged with committing battery against reporter Michelle Fields at a Trump campaign event in Florida earlier this month. Never mind the witnesses, video evidence, and police report; Candidate Trump defends his thuggish aide and blames the reporter.

Mr. Trump says he got Mr. Lewandowski a lawyer. What kind of lawyer did he get to defend a guy charged with manhandling a woman? One who quit his federal job when he was accused of biting a stripper.

More:

“Trump’s many reactions to battery charges against his campaign manager,” Rebecca Sinderbrand, Washington Post

Updates:

“Trump campaign shrinks Lewandowski’s role,” Ben Schreckinger and Kenneth P. Vogel, Politico

“Corey Lewandowski Called Co-Worker ‘F*cking B*tch,’ Yelled at Subordinate for Visiting Dying Grandma,” Patricia Murphy, Daily Beast

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Top image: Donald Trump piñata by Dalton Avalos Ramirez.

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Buried Knife Found at the O.J. Simpson Estate

March 8, 2016

Buried Knife Found at the O.J. Simpson Estate

To the delight of tabloid editors and TMZ, a knife found years ago during the demolition of O.J. Simpson’s house, site of his ex-wife’s murder, has been turned over to the LAPD lab for analysis. An LA police officer, now retired, says the LAPD didn’t want the knife, since the trial was already over, so he kept it.

Early reports suggest the knife blade doesn’t match the fatal wounds, and DNA tests are underway.

How did this newly-revealed knife get to the Simpson property? There are many possibilities:

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Swiss Cops Eyeball FIFA’s Sepp Blatter

September 27, 2015

Swiss Cops Eyeball FIFA's Sepp Blatter

Zurich’s Joseph “Sepp” Blatter, recently reelected President of the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA), will be leaving that position in a few months — if he is not arrested first. On Thursday, investigators from the Swiss Office of the Attorney General (OAG) quietly initiated criminal proceedings against Herr Blatter on suspicion of criminal mismanagement under Articles 158 and 138 of the Swiss Criminal Code. On Friday they surprised him at FIFA HQ, interrogating him and other top soccer execs, looking into the specifics of the 2005 TV rights deal Herr Blatter cut with Caribbean football chief Jack Warner and his $2 million payoff to underling Michel Platini in 2011.

Herr Blatter has ruled the international sports empire since 1998 and has helped FIFA bring the lucrative World Cup matches to places like Russia and the North Pole Qatar. His resignation followed news that Herr Blatter’s top assistant, Jérôme Valcke, was involved in a questionable $10 million money transfer.

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