Posts Tagged ‘Republicans’

Trump Steaks: Tough to Swallow

February 5, 2016

Trump Steaks: Tough to Swallow

Donald Trump may play a successful business tycoon on TV, buts he’s made lots of bad deals in the real world: failed casinos, an airline, vodka, a mortgage company, spring water, a sham “university,” a board game, bungled real estate deals, a magazine, a football team, a couple of failed marriages. The Donald’s goofiest venture, though, has got to be Trump Steaks, sold (for some reason) by Sharper Image and through QVC.  Steak “collections” sold for hundreds of dollars but reviews say the stuff was tough and greasy.

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Ted Cruz Vanquishes New York Values in Iowa

February 2, 2016

Ted Cruz Vanquishes New York Values in Iowa
In the Republican melee in Iowa yesterday, Holy Warrior Ted Cruz drew first blood, besting Plumed Knight Donald Trump, with Marco Rubio nipping at Mr. Trump’s rump. “New York values” didn’t play so well in farm country.

“Fighting Preacher” Mike Huckabee has withdrawn from the field of battle, and Doctor Ben Carson is missing in action after looking for a laudromat. The surviving GOP combatants move their conflict east to New Hampshire next week.

More:

“Cruz Says ‘New York Values’ Attack Led To Victory Over Trump In Iowa,” Sara Jerde, TPM Livewire

“Cruz Victory Gives Hope To Despised People Everywhere,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

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Iowa Matters. For a Day. Every 4 Years.

February 1, 2016

Iowa Matters. For a Day. Every 4 Years.

Tonight in Iowa, citizens will gather in hundreds of little groups to determine which Presidential candidate they would prefer as a drinking buddy (note: Trump doesn’t drink). The Iowa Caucus process has not changed much over the years except for the inclusion of computers, womenfolk, and voters with dark complexions (if the latter can be found in Iowa).

The caucus process is simple: At 7 PM Central Time, adult Iowa citizens show up at the church basement, roller rink, farmhouse, or pork-packing plant designated as the local caucus site by state Republican and Democratic parties. Republican attendees display their GOP tattoos at the door; those without them must get marked-up before Monday night. Candidate adherents rant, threaten, and cajole. For Republicans, secret balloting follows, then local caucus hosts have their grandchildren use laptop computers to enter the voting results, which are transmitted through the cloud to Iowa GOP Central Command, located in an empty grain elevator at an undisclosed location in Sioux County.

Iowa Democrats use a different system. At every local caucus they huddle in groups backing each candidate. Any group with less than 15 members is deemed “non-viable” and dissolved, and its members scatter to back other candidates. When the music stops the biggest group wins, but only the jammers can score. Caucus hosts enter results into a Microsoft program; after it freezes up, they re-boot their laptops and re-enter the data, which is collated in the cloud and certified at Iowa Democratic Party HQ, i.e. a Starbucks in the East Village neighborhood of Des Moines (free WiFi!).

After precinct caucuses finally end, winners of each party caucus are confirmed and announced, runners-up are crowned Miss Popularity, and losers and their surrogates begin the arduous spin cycle. In November the names of the caucus winners are put on the Iowa ballot  and voters elect someone else as President.

God Bless America.

More:

“How The Iowa Democratic Caucus Works, Featuring Legos,” Taylor Dobbs and Angela Evancie, Vermont Public Radio

“Why do the Iowa caucuses matter? Because everyone thinks they do.”Andrew Prokop, Vox

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Image by Mike Licht (who knows those are Okies). Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Quitter: Trump Debate No-Show

January 28, 2016

Quitter: Trump Debate No-Show

“Trump’s Misogynistic Meltdown,” Emily Arrowood, U.S. News & World Report

“Donald Trump Is Skipping the GOP Debate Because He Hates Women,” Jesse Berney, Rolling Stone

“CNN’s Carol Costello: If Trump ‘Cherishes Women,’ Why Does He Call Them Bimbos?” Alex Griswold, Mediaite

“Donald Trump has a problem with strong women,” Edward Luce, Financial Times

“Rand Paul: Donald Trump ‘Doesn’t Like A Strong, Assertive Woman,’” Andrew Kaczynski, BuzzFeed

“The sexism in Donald Trump’s latest swipe at Fox News’s Megyn Kelly,” Eric Wemple, Washington Post

“Fear of Women Is Key to Donald Trump’s Misogyny — and America’s,” Adele M. Stan, American Prospect

Related:

“Millions Resent Being Put in Horrible Position of Siding with Megyn Kelly,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

“How Donald Trump uses .political correctness. to make sexist bullying seem like heroism,” Amanda Taub, Vox

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Massacre on Fifth Avenue?

January 28, 2016

Massacre on Fifth Avenue?
“I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK?”
Donald Trump, West Des Moines Iowa
January 23, 2016 [NBC News]

Note: Donald J. Trump has a New York City concealed-carry permit and owns several handguns.

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‘Two Corinthians Walk Into a Bar ….’

January 27, 2016

'2 Corinthians Walk Into a Bar ....'

When Republican presidential hopeful, shady golfer and adulterer Donald Trump spoke at fundamentalist Liberty University recently, he quoted from his “favorite book,” the Bible, which someone else read for him (he “has people…”). Mr. Trump elicited ridicule by citing Second Corinthians as “Two Corinthians.” Oops.

Maybe The Donald would have been better off quoting from his “second favorite book,” Art of the Deal. That’s the autobiography he paid Tony Schwartz to write for him.

Really smartWharton grad Donnie Trump may have flunked Bible School, but that didn’t stop gun-totinlawyer and Liberty U. prez Jerry Falwell Jr. from endorsing him. Mr. Falwell, like his televangelist daddy, is a man of faith, facts and democracy be damned.

More:

“Trump Thumps Bible, Bible Thumps Back,” Monica Bauer, Huffington Post

“Trump’s Liberty U Performance Was Insulting to Christians Everywhere,” Tom DeLay, Christian Post

“Bible-thumping playboy: Associated Press explores faith, contradictions of Donald Trump,” Bobby Ross Jr., Get Religion

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Republican Debate: Race to the Bottom

January 15, 2016

Republican Debate: Race to the Bottom

At the 6th Republican Presidential Debate in Charleston, South Carolina, it was difficult to identify the real Donald Trump. All seven participants seemed to be angry and irrational, apparently the chief requirements for the GOP candidacy this year.

More:

“Fact Checker of Republican Debate Hospitalized for Exhaustion,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Ted Cruz, Senator from Goldman Sachs

January 14, 2016

Ted Cruz, Senator from Goldman Sachs
While running for his U.S. Senate seat in 2012, Texas Republican Ted Cruz failed to disclose a $500,000 campaign loan from Goldman Sachs, reports the New York Times. That’s especially awkward since Ted’s missus, Heidi Nelson Cruz, is a Managing Director at Goldman Sachs in Houston. In fact, Chad Sweet, Cruz 2016 presidential campaign manager, worked for Goldman Sachs for 10 years. Candidate Cruz has recently tried to distance himself from Goldman as part of his hardly credible populist pose.

Besides that sizeable low-interest loan from his wife’s bosses, Mr. Cruz apparently got one from Citibank, too. Other campaigns have been fined for failing to make such disclosures to the FEC. The Cruz campaign’s response to the Times story: “Ooops.”

More:

“Ted Cruz Hates ‘New York Values’ But Sure Loves New York Money,” Jon Schwarz, The Intercept

“Ted Cruz’s Loan from Goldman Sachs Was a Bullish Bet on the Obama Economy,” David Nir, AlterNet

Related:

“Goldman Sachs Will Pay $5 Billion To Settle Financial-Crisis Claims,” Jim Zarroli, NPR News

“The Great American Bubble Machine,” Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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GOP Healthcare Plan

January 10, 2016

GOP Healthcare Plan

Before leaving DC for their usual four-day weekend, the Republican-dominated Congress voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) and replace it with … nothing. Don’t panic, you still have health insurance; the president quickly vetoed the GOP bill.

While this is the first time the Senate passed such a bill, the GOP-dominated House has voted to repeal the ACA sixty-two times.

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Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Birther

January 7, 2016

Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Birther

Donald Trump told an interviewer the issue of Ted Cruz’s Canadian birth could be “very precarious” for the GOP if Senator Cruz emerges as the Republican presidential nominee, since a U.S. president is required to be a “natural-born” U.S. citizen and Mr. Cruz was born in Canada. Since Mommy Cruz was a U.S. citizen, Calgary-born Ted is considered a natural U.S. citizen, but was automatically granted dual Canadian citizenship by accident of natal geography.

Ted Cruz forgot about that last fact until recently reminded by the Dallas Morning News. He finally renounced his Ottawa allegience and hasn’t been Canadian for the last 18 months. Even so, Senator Rand Paul thinks his Texan colleague is “without question … qualified … to be prime minister of Canada.”

Donald Trump, of course, was Obama-birther-in-chief in days gone by. He probably casts doubt on title claims when negotiating for real estate, too.

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