Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Commencement Address, Class of 2020

May 22, 2020

Felicitations! Greetings to all of you joining us today on Zoom (and later on YouTube) on this glorious occasion! Graduates of the Class of 2020, you have passed a final test like no other, the test of coronavirus quarantine, and will now confidently stride, a prudent six feet apart, jaws set firmly under your surgical masks, into the post-pandemic ruins of the world of adulthood.

Each and every one of you has downloaded the distilled wisdom of Western Civilization in a grand adventure in online enlightenment, receiving the best education allowed within the limits of your broadband service contract. You are well-prepared for the long, vacant road ahead, a road of online job searches, Animal Crossing and, for the lucky few, Working From Home. For the rest, you who will deliver our meals and Amazon purchases, we salute you! Please ring the bell when you leave packages at the door.

As you log off now, if you remember anything, make it this: wash your hands, and don’t touch your face. Excelsior!

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Have a Heavenly Easter. Stay the Hell Home.

April 10, 2020

Holiday greetings from Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian.

Footnote: Matthew 6:5-6 KJV.

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Vincent Clortho Public School for Wizards

January 16, 2020

HBO explores the tragedy of America’s under-funded inner-city public schools for wizards.

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Meanwhile, In Washington ….

October 2, 2019

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Memorial Day 2019

May 27, 2019

Memorial Day 2019

Today is Memorial Day in the United States, a holiday once known as Decoration Day, the time to remember those who fell in defense of our country.  Memorial Day is now officially observed on a Monday to form a three-day holiday weekend, and the original significance has been distilled down to a 60-second Moment of Remembrance.

But there are 259,199 more minutes to a three-day weekend, and human nature abhors a semantic vacuum, so the holiday has acquired meanings in other realms:

Ceremony: Solemn ritual processions.

Ritual garb: White footwear.

Nutrition: Ceremonial meals.

Transportation: The Brickyard.

Economics:  Door-Busters.

Calendar: Memorial Day is the official Unofficial Start of Summer.

The National Moment of Remembrance is at 3:00 PM to 3:01 PM (local time in each time zone) on Monday, May 27, 2019. U.S. Code, Title 36,114, Stat. 3078, Sec.(2)(7): “… reclaim Memorial Day as the sacred and noble event that that day is intended to be.”

For more about the origins of Memorial Day, see Burying the Dead but Not the Past by Dr. Caroline Janney.

Related:

“The forgotten history of Memorial Day,” Richard Gardiner, Quartz

“Why Memorial Day is often confused with Veterans Day (but shouldn’t be),” Valerie Strauss, Washington Post

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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The Wall: Get Going, Mexico!

March 1, 2019

The Border Wall: Make Mexico fit again!

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Green Christmas

December 21, 2018

“Green Chri$tma$,” a 1958 send-up of holiday commercialism by humorist Stan Freberg, who was also an award-winning advertising executive. Music Director Billy May led the Columbia Records house orchestra and Jud Colon Chorale. At first the record was denounced as sacrilegious and many radio stations refused to play it, but the reality of this satire’s target became all too evident.

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Hotline

October 26, 2018

Related:

“New Neighbors, New Noise Complaints,”Tanvi Misra, Pacific Standard

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Next White House Chief of Staff?

June 29, 2018

Next White House Chief of Staff?

Word around DC is that White House Chief of Staff John Kelly will be the next to leave the realty TV show that is the Trump Administration, and the president is looking for a replacement. We suggest Julie Chen, host of the CBS show Big Brother. She’s said nice things about Mr. Trump, and has the perfect résumé, 20 years of monitoring a bunch of immature, self-involved, bullying backstabbers.

More:

“Why a new chief of staff wouldn’t change Trump’s White House,” Annie Karni, Politico

“John Kelly, Scott Pruitt, and the Epic Turnover of the Trump Administration,” Susan B. Glasser, The New Yorker

Update:

“John Kelly intends to remain as Trump’s chief of staff through 2020 reelection,” Philip Rucker, Washington Post

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Top image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Commuter Barbie

January 13, 2018

Commuter Barbie, created by Carina Hsieh and Claudia Arisso.

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