Paul Ryan Wants Job Security, Weekends Off

Paul Ryan Wants Job Security, Weekends Off

Congressman Paul Ryan (R, WI-1), Chairman of the House Ways & Means Committee and former Oscar Myer salesman, has deigned to replace Rep. John Boehner (R, OH-8) as Speaker of the House under the following conditions:

  1. A Change in House Rules so that he can’t be removed as Speaker
  2. House Republicans need to vote the way he tells them to
  3. Weekends off so he can spend time with his family
  4. Reduction of the Speaker’s Republican Party fund-raising duties
  5. All GOP House Members must immediately read Atlas Shrugged and start P90X workouts

Okay, we lied about that last demand but Mr. Ryan’s GOP colleagues are choking on the rest of them, especially Items #1 and #2.  That goes double for the mysterious but powerful anarchists of the Freedom Caucus. No matter what you’ve heard, the Freedom Caucus didn’t quite endorse Paul Ryan as Speaker in a vote Wednesday night, and the real vote isn’t for another week, anyway. Plenty of time for FC members to reconsider and throw their typical fits of rage.

Perhaps Rep. Ryan actually believes he can get his lunatic colleagues to agree to his demands, but he may have made these conditions knowing full well they won’t be accepted, giving him a way to avoid what has become a horrible job and allowing him to continue strangling the government to death as Chairman of the Ways & Means Committee. The Speaker election is slated for next Wednesday. The Debt Limit Ceiling, Spending Bill, and Transportation Bill deadlines will soon follow.


“Boehner: No Plan B if Ryan Opts Out,” Emma Dumain, Roll Call

“Conservative media mocks ‘Emperor Ryan,'” Eliza Collins and Nick Gass, Politico

“Freedom Caucus Offers Support But Refuses Ryan’s Terms For Being Speaker,” Tierney Sneed, TPM Livewire

“The House GOP’s doomsday scenario: What happens if the crazies reject Paul Ryan’s demands?” Simon Maloy, Salon

“10 Freedom Caucus Members Publicly Reject Paul Ryan, Enough To Doom His Candidacy For Speaker,” Judd Legum, ThinkProgress


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Image (“His Speakerness”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht,

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