When Penguins Attack!

While alleged Republican presidential candidate and disgraced former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich was in St. Louis pandering to the Gun Lobby, he visited the local zoo, as is his wont. He loves wild creatures, but apparently the feeling is not mutual. Mr. Gingrich was attacked by at least one savage Magellanic penguin (Spheniscus magellanicus), a fierce South American breed that stands a towering 24 inches tall and weighs a hefty dozen pounds, a mere 300 200 pounds less than Mr. Gingrich. We cannot confirm the rumor that the attacker was wrestled to the ground by an enraged Callista Gingrich.

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Missing Cobra

The Bronx Zoo is missing a cobra. The poisonous snake has not been seen since Friday. It still hasn’t returned after four days so we can assume it’s not just taking a long weekend with the kids at nearby Fordam University. Zookeepers maintain the critter is still lurking in the nooks and crannies of the Reptile House, but the snake seems to have taken a downtown 2 Train or 5 Train at the nearby East Tremont Avenue/West Farms Square subway station.

The venomous varmint is clearly an adolescent. Proof: she has a cell phone, and she’s on Twitter. Sample Tweet: “At the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Temple of Dendur really kicks some asp. @BronxZoosCobra”

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Creditor Repossesses DC Panda

Tai Shan, the National Zoo’s four-year-old panda cub, will be sent to the People’s Republic of China, the largest U.S. creditor, Smithsonian officials announced today. 

The United States owes China approximately eleventy-seven trillion dollars plus three giant pandas.

Panda repo details here.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.