President Hillary Will Release the Files — the X-Files

“When Jimmy Kimmel asked Hillary Clinton in a late-night TV interview about U.F.O.s, she quickly corrected his terminology.

‘You know, there’s a new name,’ Mrs. Clinton said in the March appearance. ‘It’s unexplained aerial phenomenon,’ she said. ‘U.A.P. That’s the latest nomenclature.’

Known for her grasp of policy, Mrs. Clinton has spoken at length in her presidential campaign on topics as diverse as Alzheimer’s research and military tensions in the South China Sea. But it is her unusual knowledge about extraterrestrials that has struck a small but committed cohort of voters.

Mrs. Clinton has vowed that barring any threats to national security, she would open up government files on the subject, a shift from President Obama, who typically dismisses the topic as a joke. Her position has elated U.F.O. enthusiasts, who have declared Mrs. Clinton the first ‘E.T. candidate.’”

–“Hillary Clinton Gives U.F.O. Buffs Hope She Will Open the X-Files,” Amy Chozick, New York Times

“Hillary Clinton’s UFO investigation plans unlikely to achieve liftoff, experts say,” Adam Gabbatt, The Guardian

“What Hillary Clinton Says About Aliens Is Totally Misguided,” Nadia Drake, National Geographic Phenomena

Hillary will Release All Secret Files — on UFOs

Clinton 2016 Campaign Chairman John Podesta told a Las Vegas interviewer that he has urged Hillary Clinton to declassify all government UFO files if elected, and the candidate is considering it. In fact, back in January Secretary Clinton herself told a New Hampshire reporter that Mr. Podesta “has made me personally pledge we are going to get the information out. One way or another. Maybe we could have, like, a task force to go to Area 51.” Extraterrestrials: we want them accounted for.

Why do otherwise serious politicos care about UFO sightings? The most-viewed declassified FBI document is the “Hottel Memo” about flying saucers.

Roswell UFO Crash Anniversary

You probably wondered why your Space Alien co-workers weren’t at the office Monday morning until you saw the commemorative Google Doodle. It was the 66th Anniversary of the famous UFO crash at Roswell, New Mexico, an ET holiday.

More:

“Your Burning Questions About The Roswell Incident, Answered,” Rose Pastore, PopSci.com

“Roswell — 66 years of alien lore,” CBS News

“Roswell anniversary and the UFO question — some skeptical notes,” Alexandra Petri, Washington Post blog

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Image (“Space Aliens Observe UFO Crash Anniversary”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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British Newspaper Issues Apology

Following last week’s publication of an article by Paul Sims reporting that flying saucers were seen to hover over British Scientology headquarters, The Sun newspaper issued this apology:

“In an article on Saturday headlined ‘Flying saucers over British Scientology HQ’, we stated ‘two flat silver discs’ were seen ‘above the Church of Scientology HQ’.

Following a letter from lawyers for the Church, we apologise to any alien lifeforms for linking them to Scientologists.”

— “Aliens: An Apology,” The Sun

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here (free to all sentient lifeforms). Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

 Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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UFO Welcome Center in Bowman, South Carolina

Flying saucers zoomed through the skies of the 1950s and 1960s. Why the lack of recent UFO sightings? Some observers say it’s due to the end of the Cold War, but South Carolina’s Jody Pendarvis blames it on the shocking lack of travel amenities for space aliens. That’s why he built a UFO Welcome Center next to his house trailer.

UFO Hits Geese, Lands in Hudson

Photo: U.S. Navy.

An intergalactic space vehicle with 150 life forms on board came down in the Hudson River off Manhattan after hitting a flock of geese yesterday. Miraculously, everyone was rescued, but several beings without exoskeletons were slightly injured and taken to New York hospitals which accept ALF health insurance.

NASA is investigating reports that the spacecraft hit a flock of birds after entering Earth’s atmosphere and buzzing Yankee Stadium. Witnesses saw the vessel make an emergency landing in the Hudson, kicking up a cloud of spray on the river.

“The Warp Drive blew. There was fire everywhere and it smelled like xenon,” said a passenger who looked like an ambulatory sea urchin. He  She  It said the pilot announced that the craft was descending rapidly and told passengers to brace for the impact. “We hit that fluid stream pretty hard. It was scary.”

“You gotta give it to the pilot-thingy. The Hive Mind made a hell of a landing,” it added, visibly shaken. Another rescued passenger who looked like a hairless anteater told CNN: “It’s just incredible that everyone’s alive.”