Shocking Sexual Assault at CPAC 2020

Serial adulterer and habitual flag molester Donald Trump forcibly assaulted Old Glory in full view of the entire 2020 Conservative Political Action Conference at a Maryland casino-hotel on Saturday. He unconvincingly murmured “I love you, baby” into to the flag’s field of stars. This is a clear violation of the U.S. Flag Code and common decency but, once again, the GOP failed to call SVU.

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Serial Flag Molester In 2-Hour Hostage Situation

On Saturday, a 72-year-old flag molester held a crowd of conventioneers hostage for over two hours at a Maryland hotel while he delivered an expletive-laced rant. The situation concluded without casualties, and the perpetrator’s unhinged utterances were fact-checked. The miscreant had been observed groping the national banner three years ago in Florida and at a meeting last year where he boasted of separating children from their mothers.

There is no national registry for violators of the Flag Code of the United States.

More:

“The 7 most bizarre moments from Trump’s long-winded CPAC rant,” Amanda Sakuma, Vox

“The 7 Most Bewildering Moments From Trump’s CPAC Speech,” Andrew Kragie, The Atlantic

“15 Claims From Trump’s Speech to CPAC, Fact-Checked,” Linda Qiu, New York Times

“Trump’s unhinged CPAC speech should concern us all,” Eugene Robinson, Washington Post

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Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.