Bachmann Eyes Senate Run

Former Swiss citizen and ex-Congresscreature Michele Bachmann has her crazy eyes on the Wisconsin senate seat recently vacated by Al Franken. Mrs. Bachmann previously represented the 6th District of Minnesota, the Planet Mars, the Tea Party Caucus, and the voice of the Lord, and considered running for president in 2016. Her 2012 presidential bid triggered FEC and Congressional Ethics inquiries.

More:

“Michele Bachmann tells televangelist she might run for Al Franken’s Senate seat,” Sarah Pulliam Bailey, Washington Post

“Former congresswoman Michele Bachmann eyes Senate run for Al Franken’s seat,” Jessica Estepa, USA Today

Related:

“Return To Bachmann-ia: Here’s What Michele Bachmann Has Been Up To,” Matt Shuham, TPM DC

Update:

“Bachmann won’t run for Franken’s Senate seat because she did not hear a ‘call from God,'” Avery Anapol, The Hill

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Michele Bachmann: God Will Destroy America Like Sodom & Gommorah!

Last weekend, while Pope Francis spoke to you about world peace and justice, former Congresscreature and Tea Party loon Michele Bachmann told radio host Janet Markell that President Obama, same-sex marriage, family planning clinics, and fetal cell research doom the United States to God’s fiery wrath:

“When we raise our fist to a holy God and say that we are going to redefine marriage, we are going to be okay with paying a Planned Parenthood to cut up innocent baby parts and sell them for research, that clearly is a problem and as we have seen God render judgment in the days of Noah, in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah and so forth throughout history, what the prophets have told every generation is that there is a just God and the people must repent and turn to him. So too in this day of wickedness in our own culture, we need to do the same. We need to repent and we need to confess because a holy Savior is coming to save us and redeem us from this sin-sick world.”

— “Bachmann: God May Destroy America Over Gay Marriage Just Like Sodom,” Brian Tashman, Right Wing Watch

More:

“Michele Bachmann: God Will Punish America for Planned Parenthood, Gay Marriage Just Like Sodom and Gomorrah,” Samual Smith, Christian Post

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Michele Bachmann: Barack Obama is Bringing on the End Times

Former Congresscreature and born-again Tea Party loon Michele Bachmann foresees that the Rapture is nigh. Ms. Bachmann told radio host Jan Markell that the End Times are being ushered in by that Antichrist, Barack Obama.

“We need to realize how close this clock is to getting towards the midnight hour. It’s just like the Bible forewarned: in the last days it will be like the beginning of birth pangs. In my opinion, we are far beyond the beginning of birth pangs. We’re moving far down into the process. For women who are listening to this show today, you know what I’m talking about. What it’s like to deliver a baby at the very beginning stages and then at the very end before the baby is born. All I can tell you as a mom who has given birth to five babies, the birth pangs are very close together, they are very intense now and we are literally watching month by month the speed move up to a level we’ve never seen before with these events. Barack Obama is intent, it is his number one goal, to ensure that Iran has a nuclear weapon. Why? Why would you put the nuclear weapon in the hands of mad men?”

— “Michele Bachmann: Barack Obama is ushering in a baby called the Rapture,” Joanna Rothkopf, Salon

 

Bachmann Eyes 2016 Presidential Run

Congress-creature Michele Bachmann, the “Crazy Eyes” Republican currently representing the 6th District of Minnesota, the Planet Mars, the Tea Party Caucus, and the voice of the Lord, is considering another run for the presidency of the United States. God Bless America.

 More:

 “Michele Bachmann: ‘There’s a chance I could run’ for President in 2016,” Terence Cullen, New York Daily News

“Michele Bachmann on running for president: ‘There’s a chance,'” Scott Conroy, RCP via CBS News

“What’s behind Michele Bachmann’s 2016 tease,” Abby Ohlheiser, Washington Post

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Top image (“The Eyes Have It”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Bachmann Sees the End Times

Congress-creature Michele Bachmann, the Republican representing the 6th District of Minnesota, the Planet Mars, the Tea Party Caucus, and the voice of the Lord, warns that The End Is Near:

“ … President Obama waived a ban on arming terrorists in order to allow weapons to go to the Syrian opposition. … US taxpayers are now paying to give arms to terrorists including Al Qaeda.”

“Now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times … we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history.”

Bye-Bye Bachmann

Congresscreature Michele Bachmann, who has represented Minnesota’s 6th District and Planet Mars for the past eight years, will retire from Congress next year in order to spend more quality time with her attorneys. Mrs. Bachmann, the screaming whistle of the Tea Party kettle, is under investigation for shenanigans perpetrated during her presidential campaign quest for World Domination in the name of Jesus.

Rep. Bachmann will be mourned by the army of fact-checkers and copy editors she has kept fully employed during her four terms in office.

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FBI Has Eyes on Bachmann

“The FBI is investigating complaints of alleged campaign finance violations in Rep. Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign.

Bachmann Eyes Muslim Spies

Noted religious persecutor and Tea Party Loon Rep. Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann (R, MN-6) has called on government agencies to reveal how many Muslim Brotherhood spies have infiltrated their departments. She was joined by Rep. Trent “Better Under Slavery” Franks (R, AZ-2), Louie “Terrorist Babies! ” Gohmert (R, TX-1), Tom “Jail Alien Kids” Rooney (R, FL-16), and Lynn “Uppity” Westmoreland (R, GA-3). According to their trusted source, Muslim Brotherhood spies have infiltrated the highest levels of US government —  even Grover Norquist’s marriage bed!

If you needed proof that Islamophobia is the new McCarthyism, here it is.

So how many Muslim Brotherhood spies are there in the government? Um … 57. Yeah, that’s it. Exactly 57.

Michele Bachmann, Swiss Miss

Tea Party Sweetheart and Hyper-American Rep. Michele Bachmann (R, MN-6) is a citizen of Kenya Mars Switzerland. She claimed Swiss citizenship after endorsing the Swiss bank account presidential candidate, Mitt Romney. Coincidence?

Michele Bachmann, Commencement Speaker

Regent University, the august academic institution founded by game show host televangelist Pat Robertson, has announced this year’s commencement speaker: former Republican presidential candidate Rep. Michele Bachmann (R, MN-6).

Mrs. Bachmann’s outstanding record as a taxpayer-hounding IRS attorney, education radical, submissive wife, Tea Party loon, fundamentalist zealot, and prima diva drama queen should be an inspiration to young people everywhere.

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