Louie Gohmert Demands His Right to Lie to the FBI

Rep Louie Gohmert on Navarro indictment: "If you're a Republican, you can't even lie to Congress or lie to an FBI agent or they're coming after you" pic.twitter.com/8eIkkycukd

— Jason Campbell (@JasonSCampbell) June 3, 2022

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1) told Newsmax it’s unfair that Republicans can’t lie to the FBI. The former Texas judge was speaking about former Trump aide Peter Navarro, indicted for criminal contempt of Congress, not for lying to anybody. Yet. Mr. Gohmert was miffed that a federal jury aquitted Democrat Michael Sussman of such an offense.

FYI: Nobody, Democrat or Republican, should lie to FBI agents, since it’s a felony. The best policy is to shut up, something beyond the ability of Louie Gohmert. He recently blamed wearing masks for his COVID diagnosis and asked the National Forest Service to alter the Moon’s orbit.

More:

“Louie Gohmert Whines That Republicans Aren’t Allowed to Lie to the FBI — Which Is a Felony,” William Vaillancourt, Rolling Stone

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Yes, Please! Louie Gohmert Offers to Quit.

Earlier this week, right-wing radio ranter Glenn Beck got an email from Tea Party loon and Congress Creature Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1):

‘Last week, I announced to the world if the House and Senate will treat Iran — the Iran treaty as a treaty, I will not run for my congressional seat again.”

Media outlets took this to mean that Mr. Gohmert would skedaddle back to the Piney Woods of East Texas and not run for a 6th term if the Senate didn’t rustle up enough votes to overturn a veto of the Iran nuclear agreement. And when Senate Democrats kept this from transpiring, sane people everywhere started rejoicing.

But hold the weddin,’ Bubba. Rep. Gohmert walked the whole thing back on Wednesday, saying his deal was that if Congress adopted his proposal to treat the multinational agreement as a treaty, that’s when he’d resign.

So don’t worry, DC will have no shortage of lunatic conspiracy theories anytime soon. You can bet that the savvy folks of East Texas are gonna reelect ol’ Louie. They figure to keep Texas safe by making sure Louie Gohmert stays in far away Washington.

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Texas Congressman Sees Another Conspiracy

The Honorable The congressman representing the First District of Texas, Rep. Louie Gohmert, the hero who saved the Republic from The Attack of the Terrorist Babies, has found a new covert menace:

“… this administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”

— “Tea Party Congressman: Muslim Brotherhood Is Guiding Obama In Boston Bombings Investigation,” Igor Volsky, Think Progress

But just how many Muslim Brotherhood members have infiltrated the Obama administration, anyway?

When Is a Gun Not a Gun?

Q: When is a gun not a gun?

A: When it’s a hammer.

That’s what Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1) thinks, anyway. Asked about proposed legislation to restrict the sale of assault weapons, military-style arms like those used in recent mass killings, Mr. Gohmert replied:

“I refuse to play the game of ‘assault weapon.’ That’s any weapon. It’s a hammer. It’s the machetes. In Rwanda that killed 800,000 people, an article that came out this week, the massive number that are killed with hammers.”

Louie Gohmert is an authority on hammers, being dumber than a sack of them. Perhaps he’ll be named Chair of the House Subcommittee on Hand Tool Terrorism.

Firearms kill thousands of Americans each year; blunt objects kill hundreds, but we don’t know how many are committed with hammers, perhaps dozens. We expect Mr. Gohmert to hold fact-finding hearings about that in the new Congressional session.

More:

“Republican Congressman Claims Hammers Could Be Outlawed Under Assault Weapons Ban,” Scott Keyes, Think Progress

“Gohmert: ‘Any weapon’ is an assault weapon,” Justin Sink, The Hill

“Conservatives demand hammer control,” Alex Seitz-Wald, Salon

Related:

“Louie Gohmert: Aurora Shootings Result Of ‘Ongoing Attacks On Judeo-Christian Beliefs,'” Jennifer Bendery, Huffington Post

“Former NRA president compares banning guns to racism,” Jillian Rayfield, Salon

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Bachmann Eyes Muslim Spies

Noted religious persecutor and Tea Party Loon Rep. Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann (R, MN-6) has called on government agencies to reveal how many Muslim Brotherhood spies have infiltrated their departments. She was joined by Rep. Trent “Better Under Slavery” Franks (R, AZ-2), Louie “Terrorist Babies! ” Gohmert (R, TX-1), Tom “Jail Alien Kids” Rooney (R, FL-16), and Lynn “Uppity” Westmoreland (R, GA-3). According to their trusted source, Muslim Brotherhood spies have infiltrated the highest levels of US government —  even Grover Norquist’s marriage bed!

If you needed proof that Islamophobia is the new McCarthyism, here it is.

So how many Muslim Brotherhood spies are there in the government? Um … 57. Yeah, that’s it. Exactly 57.

Guns in the Capitol

To commemorate the shooting death of a 9-year-old girl, a Congressional Aide and a Federal judge, and the gunshot injury of his colleague Representative Gabrielle Giffords (D, AZ-8), Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1 ) wants to pack heat in the U.S. Capitol.

Gawker sums it up succinctly: “Dumbest Congress Member Wants Guns on the House Floor.”

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Terrorist Bomber Babies!

Pregnant terrorists are infiltrating America to give birth to baby bombers, reports Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1). Mr. Gohmert, ranking Republican on the subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism and Homeland Security, announced this on the House floor: