Son-In-Law-In-Chief Kushner Reassures Us About COVID-19

Back in April, the Secretary of Slim Suits, Trump son-in-law, and Senior Advisor to the President Jared Kushner, fresh from bringing peace to the Middle East, was running a shadow task force on COVID-19. He called the Trump Administration’s coronavirus response “a great success story” on MAGA-friendly Fox & Friends.

It turns out he also told Bob Woodward the reason for this great success:

“There were three phases. There’s the panic phase, the pain phase and then the comeback phase. That doesn’t mean there’s not still a lot of pain and there won’t be pain for a while, but that basically was, we’ve now put out rules to get back to work. Trump’s now back in charge. It’s not the doctors. They’ve kind of — we have, like, a negotiated settlement.”

Jared Kushner: Trump Coronavirus Policy a ‘Great Success’

Secretary of Slim Suits, Trump son-in-law, and Senior Advisor to the President Jared Kushner, fresh from bringing peace to the Middle East, is now running a shadow task force on COVID-19. Yesterday, the day when U.S. coronavirus deaths exceeded the number of Americans killed during the entire Vietnam Conflict, he called the Trump Administration’s coronavirus response “a great success story” on MAGA-friendly Fox & Friends.

“I think that we’ve achieved all the different milestones that are needed. So the government, federal government, rose to the challenge and this is a great success story. I think that’s really what needs to be told.”

Mr. Kushner, whose shadow task force is composed of fellow coronavirus profiteers, was the genius who told President Trump that COVID-19 was nothing to worry about, resulting in federal government inaction during January and February, when intervention would have saved thousands of lives.

More:

“Kushner calls the coronavirus response in US ‘a great success story,'” Savannah Behrmann, USA Today

“Trump and Kushner Engage in Revisionist History in Boasting of Success Over Virus,” Peter Baker, New York Times

“Insiders describe Kushner as ‘de facto president’ who played key role in delaying coronavirus closures: report,” Morgan Gstalter, The Hill

Related:

“White House Shop Sells the Gift No One Asked for: $100 COVID-19 Commemorative Coins,” Rachel Olding, Daily Beast

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Summer Intern Speaks Outside White House

New Jersey youngster Jared Kushner spoke to White House reporters Monday, claiming credit towards his Citizenship Merit Badge. He’s a good boy, say his counselors.

Every summer well-connected, rich white American youths who can afford to work without pay descend upon the Nation’s Capital. They serve a vital function, staffing federal government offices while our elected officials are playing golf at their private clubs. Inevitably, the inexperienced and unsupervised young folks get into trouble. Everybody just shrugs.

More:

“Kushner’s damning account: At the very least, he’s in over his head,” Jennifer Rubin, Washington Post

“Jared Kushner’s explanations on Russia reveal a man wholly unsuited to his job,” Ed Pilkington, The Guardian

“CNN analyst rips Kushner’s statement to shreds: He’s going to solve the Middle East but can’t fill out forms,” Eric W, Dolan, Raw Story

“Jared Kushner Blames Basically Everyone — Donny, His Assistant, His Tough Job — For the Russia Headache,” Emily Jane Fox, Vanity Fair

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Never Fear, Jared’s Here

President Trump, has appointed son-in-law Jared Kushner to run his new Office of American Innovation. And what could be more innovative than giving your daughter’s husband a job? The goal of this new biz exec “SWAT team” is to run the federal government “like a great American company.” Would that be like the four companies Donald Trump bankrupted, or the one that landed Jared Kushner’s daddy in prison?

Trump in-law Kushner may have little time to spearhead SWAT raids. He’ll be talking to the Senate Intelligence Committee about his meeting with Sergey Gorkov, head of the Russian state development bank Vnesheconombank (VEB), sanctioned by the U.S.in 2014 after Russia seized the Ukraine. The meeting was in December, while Mr. Kushner still ran the family business, the multibillion-dollar Kushner Companies. He still owns some Kushner Company assets.

The Intelligence Committee inquiry isn’t a fishing expedition. Last year a New York VEB employee, Evgeny Buryakov, admitted he was actually a Russian SVR spy. Mr. Buryakov is serving two and a half years in a US prison.

More:

“America’s government can’t be run like a business. That’s a feature, not a bug.” Jeff Spross, The Week

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