Posts Tagged ‘humor’

I’m Gettin Nuttin’ for Christmas

December 16, 2015

“I’m Gettin Nuttin’ for Christmas,” a novelty song written by Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennett, recorded by Spike Jones and his City Slickers. The team of Tepper and Bennett wrote nearly 300 songs between 1945 and 1970, and they were recorded by artists from Guy Lombardo to Elvis.

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I Want Eddie Fisher for Christmas

December 15, 2015

“I Want Eddie Fisher for Christmas,” written by Joan Javits and Phil Springer, the pair who wrote “Santa Baby.” Recorded by Betty Johnson in 1954.

Eddie Fisher was a dreamy pop idol of the 1950s, Carrie Fisher‘s dad.

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I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

December 15, 2015

10-year-old Gayla Peevey of Ponca City, Oklahoma sings her big hit “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” written by John J. Rox (John Herring). Ms. Peevey’s 1953 recording of the song reached number 24 on Billboard. The clip above is from “The Ed Sullivan Show.”

Gayla Peevey official website.

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Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

November 24, 2015

Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

Oh no! Despite reading Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys you have a great big, fully cooked, deep-fried Thanksgiving turkey on your hands. You examine it minutely and discover there’s no little red zip tab to open so you can take out slices. What now?

That’s some big old avian cadaver you got there, buddy. There’s only one manly way to divvy it up. That’s right: chainsaw.

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Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys

November 23, 2015

Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys
The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio. Yeah, buddy!

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers can help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry us some turkey. Here’s how:

1. Put Fire Department on Speed-Dial. Keep your cell phone in your welding apron pocket. It is unwise to enter a flaming residence to use the telephone.

2. Purchase more equipment. You can never have enough Real Guy outdoor cooking gear. Buy some new stuff at Home Depot first. Forget about those electronic gizmos from Leading Edge, you can never read their LCD screens outdoors anyway. Williams-Sonoma? Isn’t that the California wine the wife likes?

3. Don’t forget the turkey. It should be big enough to bother messing with. Double-check to make sure you are not buying a goat or lamb.

4. Check interior compartment of poultry (note: light does not go on automatically; use your Maglite). Any paper-wrapped parcels inside will not contain Surprise Creme Filling. Remove; give to wife or cat. If the bird is frozen, use your Benz-0-Matic torch judiciously or the meat will be dry. At this point you may marinate the turkey in any fluid mixture as long as it contains beer.

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Geriatric Brits to Invade North America

April 2, 2015

Geriatric Brits to Invade North America

The British pensioners known as the Rolling Stones will visit sports arenas in the United States and Canada this summer. The elderly musicians are reissuing their classic 20th century gramophone recording, Arthritic Sticky Fingers. It’s the one with the cover by Andy Warhol (see the model here).

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March 17th

March 17, 2015

March 17th

St. Patrick is a patron of Ireland.  March 17th, the liturgical Feast of St. Patrick, occurs during the Lenten fast. Think about it.

And think about the potato (Solanum tuberosum; Gaelic “práta,” anglicized to “pratie“). Successful introduction of the New World crop bolstered the Irish countryside; the crop failures of the Potato Famine sent Irishmen to the USA, where the Irish-American secular observance of St. Patrick’s Day developed in Boston, New York and Chicago for a century before it was exported back to Ireland. Faith and Begorrah! “Globalization’ wasn’t invented yesterday.

Read Gregory McNamee’s excellent post on the Britannica blog, and stop by the Potato Museum on your way back from the pub.

Related:

“The fading of the green,” Drew DeSilver, Pew Research

“How Irish Are People Who Identify As ‘Irish-American’?” Walt Hickey, FiveThirtyEight

“How Corned Beef and Cabbage Became a Holiday Staple,” Craig Morris, USDA Blog

“No One Really Knows What a Shamrock Is,” Bess Lovejoy, Smithsonian Magazine

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Sure, an’ all, wee Mr. Potato Head® is a registered trademark of Hasbro, Inc.,  used here under the “satire” provision of the Fair Use doctrine, dontcha know.  Mr. Head is a Yank “Baby Boomer,” but clean the paidrín up and he makes a proper little leprechaun.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

Meanwhile, in Wienermobile News ….

February 16, 2015

Meanwhile, in Wienermobile News ....
An Oscar Mayer Wienermobile crashed into a pole in central Pennsylvania on Sunday, according to the Associated Press. The self-propelled 27-foot hot dog on wheels slid off a road and into a utility pole in Enola PA, near Harrisburg. We suggest that accident investigators look for drips of slippery mustard.

The front of the weenie roll crumbled in this pole-ish sausage mishap, but no injuries were reported, and there’s no evidence the driver was hot-dogging. The crash snarled local traffic, since rubberneckers relish this sort of thing.

Oscar Mayer has several Wienermobiles, used to promote and advertise tubesteak products. Probably 10 wieners and 8 rolls, right?

Here in DC an NTSB spokesman was unavailable, and we could not reach former Wienermobile driver Paul Ryan for comment.

More:

“What happens when a giant hot dog on wheels slams into a pole?” CBS News

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Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-kTW

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Merry Christmas From The Family

December 30, 2014

“Merry Christmas From The Family,” written by Robert Earl Keene, performed here by the Dixie Chicks and Rosie O’Donnell. Here’s how the songwriter does it:

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Santa Got Busted By the Border Patrol

December 27, 2014

“Santa Got Busted By the Border Patrol,” by Kevin Fowler. That second voice belongs to Ray Benson of Asleep at the Wheel.

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Short link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-kA6

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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