Posts Tagged ‘humor’

There’s a Santa That Looks a Lot Like Elvis

December 10, 2016

“There’s a Santa that looks a lot like Elvis,” a Bob Rivers parody of Meredith Willson‘s “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” sung in a Bing Crosby sound-alike voice. Crooner Crosby had a hit with the tune in 1951.

Young people: Elvis Presley was a popular vocalist back in the last century. In his later years he … um, filled out a bit from eating deep-fried peanut butter-jelly-and-bacon sandwiches, and weighed 350 pounds at his death in 1977. Of course, your grandma might not think he’s dead.

Bob Rivers recordings.

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I Want Eddie Fisher for Christmas

December 9, 2016

“I Want Eddie Fisher for Christmas,” written by Joan Javitz (Javits) and Phil Springer, the pair who wrote “Santa Baby.” Recorded by Betty Johnson in 1954.

Eddie Fisher was a dreamy pop idol of the 1950s, Carrie Fisher‘s dad.

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I’m Gettin Nuttin’ for Christmas

December 8, 2016

“I’m Gettin Nuttin’ for Christmas,” a novelty song written by Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennett, recorded by Spike Jones and his City Slickers. The team of Tepper and Bennett wrote nearly 300 songs between 1945 and 1970, and they were recorded by artists from Guy Lombardo to Elvis.

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Five Pound Box Of Money

December 7, 2016

“Five Pound Box Of Money,” written by Jack Barker and Pearl Bailey, sung (and narrated) by Ms. Bailey in 1959.

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I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

December 7, 2016

10-year-old Gayla Peevey of Ponca City, Oklahoma sings her big hit “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” written by John J. Rox (John Herring). Ms. Peevey’s 1953 recording of the song reached number 24 on Billboard. The clip above is from “The Ed Sullivan Show.”

Gayla Peevey official website.

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Christmas at the Airport

November 25, 2016

Nick Lowe’s 2013 Christmas song is based on a real travel experience. Nick recorded a strangely-moving solo acoustic version for Fordham University’s WFUV-FM.

Video: Writer/Director Scott Jacobson; Director of Animation: Matthew I. Jenkins; Animation, Composite and Effects: Travis Fowler, Brendan Davis, Joe Coleman. of Bark-Bark.

Nick Lowe website

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Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

November 24, 2016

Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

Oh no! Despite reading Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys you have a great big, fully cooked, deep-fried Thanksgiving turkey on your hands. You examine it minutely and discover there’s no little red zip tab to open so you can take out slices. What now?

That’s some big old avian cadaver you got there, buddy. There’s only one manly way to divvy it up. That’s right: chainsaw.

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Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys

November 23, 2016

Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys

The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio. Yeah, buddy!

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers can help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry us some turkey. Here’s how:

1. Put Fire Department on Speed-Dial. Keep your cell phone in your welding apron pocket. It is unwise to enter a flaming residence to use the telephone.

2. Purchase more equipment. You can never have enough Real Guy outdoor cooking gear. Buy some new stuff at Home Depot first. Forget about those electronic gizmos from Leading Edge, you can never read their LCD screens outdoors anyway. Williams-Sonoma? Isn’t that the California wine the wife likes?

3. Don’t forget the turkey. It should be big enough to bother messing with. Double-check to make sure you are not buying a goat or lamb.

4. Check interior compartment of poultry (note: light does not go on automatically; use your Maglite). Any paper-wrapped parcels inside will not contain Surprise Creme Filling. Remove; give to wife or cat. If the bird is frozen, use your Benz-0-Matic torch judiciously or the meat will be dry. At this point you may marinate the turkey in any fluid mixture as long as it contains beer.

5. Equipment check list. This will vary but should definitely include safety equipment (welding apron, Kevlar™ gloves, safety glasses, fire extinguisher, cell phone, well-stocked beer cooler or full beer keg with ice), fire ignition tools (lighting chimney, matches, butane torch,  highway flares, flamethrower, etc.), food manipulating tools (tongs, skewers, forks, knives, pneumatic jack), cooking implements (meat thermometer, meat hygrometer, count-down timer, 55-gallon deep-fry container, perforated deep-fry container insert with turkey stand and handle, caulking gun for stuffing insertion, brushes, sprayguns, and hypodermic needles for applying sauce, tattoo gun for decorations, crane), deep-fry medium (vegetable oil is better than animal fat; Marvel Mystery Oil is not recommended), sauces, rubs, marinades, condiments, spices, and essential vegetables (potato salad, cole slaw, ketchup). Anything missing? See Step #2. Got everything? Cheers! Begin beer consumption.

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A Pill for All Your Needs

October 9, 2016

“With this groundbreaking, clinically proven treatment, you can simply sit back, relax, and let your mind do the rest.”

Directed by Elizabeth McDonough and Myles Kane; written by Elizabeth McDonough and Kate McManus.

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Sully: Hollywood Praises Bird Murderer!

September 16, 2016

Sully: Hollywood Praises Bird Murderer!

Pilot Chesley Burnett “Sully” Sullenberger III, infamous for a 2009 airborne goose slaughtering episode, is celebrated in a new movie directed by Clint Eastwood, who began his career portraying Rowdy Yates, a man who drove thousands of helpless cows to their deaths.

Vegans will want to give this flick a pass.

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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