Dr. Ben Carson Re-Writes the Hippocratic Oath

“As a Doctor, I spent many a night pulling bullets out of bodies. … but I never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking the right to arm ourselves away.”

— Benjamin Carson MD

In a graphic elaboration of Jeb Bush’s “stuff happens,” retired brain surgeon Ben Carson explained that you’re gonna die of gunshot wounds to defend a willful misinterpretation of the 2nd Amendment.

Dr. Carson also suggested that President Obama forgo visiting the grieving families of Roseburg, Oregon and wait for the next mass shooting. There’s never a long wait; there’s been a mass shooting almost every day this year.

Thanks, Doc. Time for a second opinion.

Mitt Romney, International Statesman

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has taken a bold stand on foreign policy, standing firmly atop the dead bodies of American diplomats in a sordid attempt to score political points. As is his habit, when it became clear that his charges were at variance with the facts, he repeated them. Perhaps that works in the murky world of private equity, but it’s less effective in international relations, where lives are at stake, not just other people’s money.

So what’s Mitt Romney’s position on Libya? Take your pick; he’s had five of them. And that was just last year.

Apart from his accounts in offshore banks and his LDS missionary work in France, Mr. Romney has had little experience in foreign affairs. He’s certainly a quick study, though. First a world tour of gaffes, insults, and intelligence leaks; now this.