Sepp Blatter to Leave the Game

Zurich’s Joseph “Sepp” Blatter, recently reelected President of the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA), will be leaving that position in a few months, if he is not arrested first. Herr Blatter has ruled the international sports empire since 1998, and has helped FIFA bring the lucrative World Cup matches to places like Russia and the North Pole Qatar. The abrupt resignation followed news that Herr Blatter’s top assistant, Jérôme Valcke, was involved in a questionable $10 million money transfer.