Posts Tagged ‘Father Christmas’

From the North Pole Fulfillment Office

December 25, 2011

From the North Pole Fulfillment Office

Greetings Occupant:

We have reviewed your Naughty/Nice Statement for calendar 2011. A coal-filled stocking will serve as your Notice of Naughtiness. If you are not in receipt of same, enjoy your gifts and have a happy holiday.

Sincerely,

North Pole Fulfillment Office Staff

___________________

Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-bZF

Image (“Santa’s Spreadsheet, after Haddon Sundblom”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Naughty or Nice? Santa’s Tracking System.

December 11, 2011

Naughty or Nice? Santa's Tracking System.

“It is no overstatement to say that Santa knows when children have been bad or good. He knows much else besides. The information stems from a personal pipeline Santa has to children’s thoughts via a listening antenna that combines technologies currently used in cell phones and EKGs. A sophisticated signal processing system filters the data, giving Santa clues on who wants what, where children live, and even who has been bad or good. Effectively, it gives him advanced neuroimaging capabilities that tell him that Mary in Miami hopes for a surfboard, Michael from Minneapolis wants a snowboard, etc. Later, all this information is processed in an onboard sleigh guidance system, which provides Santa with the most efficient delivery route.

The system serves as a fail-safe backstop to the letters Santa receives via snail mail from around the globe.”

— Dr. Larry Silverberg, NC State University scientist and 2010 Visiting Scholar at Santa’s Workshop-North Pole Labs (NPL).

More: “Dispatches From The North Pole: The Science of Santa’s List,” Matt Shipman, The Abstract

___________________

Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-bOn

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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From the North Pole Compliance Office

December 23, 2010

From the North Pole Compliance Office

Greetings Boy or Girl:

We have reviewed your Naughty/Nice Statement for calendar 2010. A coal-filled stocking will serve as your Notice of Naughtiness. If you are not in receipt of same, have a happy holiday.

Sincerely,

The North Pole Compliance Office

 

Image (“Santa’s Spreadsheet, after Haddon Sundblom”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Will “Ho-Ho-Ho” For Food

December 21, 2010

Will 'Ho-Ho--Ho' for Food

 “Craig McTavish — a.k.a. Santa — has the beard. He has the belly. He even has a few tricks up his sleeve, like pulling up to parties on his Harley-Davidson in full Kris Kringle garb.

But there’s one thing he doesn’t have: work.

“For freelance Santas, this holiday season has been more ‘no, no, no’ than ‘ho, ho, ho.’ Bookings have declined as paying $125 an hour for Santa to visit a holiday party has become an unaffordable luxury. It’s the second year of declining parties and events, Santas say.”

— “In tough economy, Santas are also suffering,” Tamara Lush, AP, via MSNBC.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Dear Occupant: Season’s Greetings

December 26, 2009

Season's Greetings: Santa's Spreadsheet

Santa has returned to the Polar Fulfillment Center. If you think you have received a coal delivery in error, please call Customer Support between 0800 and 1700 hrs IST (Mumbai time). 

Image (“Santa’s Spreadsheet, after Haddon Sundblom”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

 

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Illegal Alien Caught in Anti-Terrorism Sweep

December 20, 2009

Not only can terrorists access real-time video feeds from U.S. reconnaissance drones, they can violate American airspace at will and invade our homes.

Thank goodness we have some hold-over Bush and Cheney appointees on our Amerikanische Heimat Sicherheit Abteilung anti-terrorism task force.

Hat tip: Ministry of Gossip.

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive (“Ho-ho-ho” does not qualify), concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

Christmas 2009: Santa Still Laid Off

December 18, 2009

Christmas 2009: Santa Still Laid Off

For 107 years, Santa Claus had a steady seasonal job on the sidewalks of New York City, ringing a bell and collecting donations for the Volunteers of America charity. Last year, he got laid off. Santa is still unemployed.

On the bright side, New York’s Fox News used our graphic this year. For free.

As they say in the Big Apple, Merry Freakin’ Christmas.

 

Yes, Virginia (and New York, New Jersey, et al.). You can still donate to VOA. Look here.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com, just like Fox did.

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