Posts Tagged ‘emergency response’

Pizza Saves Woman’s Life

February 24, 2011

 Pizza Saves Woman's Life

A pizza a day keeps the Reaper away, at least in Memphis. That’s where Domino’s delivery driver Susan Guy noticed that 82-year-old Jean Wilson hadn’t ordered her daily Large-Thin-Crust-Pepperoni-With-2-Diet-Cokes in three whole days. Horrified, Ms. Guy alerted the authorities, who found the elderly pizza fan collapsed on the floor, and rushed her a hot, Double Cheese — um, no, rushed her to the hospital, where she’s doing fine. Except for the food.

Yet more proof the US doesn’t need your so-called “health care reform.” The private sector is doing just fine. Call 911 — thirty minutes, or it’s free.


The New Terrorism: Zombies

October 16, 2010

When Zombies Attack!

U.S. Homeland Security forces are severely strained this weekend as zombies coordinate attacks across the country. The cause of this annual seasonal outbreak may be weaponized biohazards, caution epidemiologists, as they redouble their search to isolate a “Zombie Flu” virus.

This month saw attacks on Traverse City, Normal, Salt Lake City, Shreveport, Oakland, East Peoria, and Pittsburgh. Zombie Code Red alerts are posted for Morgantown, Dallas, Merced, Seattle, Panama City, and other U.S. cities. The global crisis threatens Glasgow, Rotorua, Toronto, and Sault Ste. Marie. Many cities observed World Zombie Day on October 10th to remember those killed by the Undead, and a commemorative opera has been commissioned.