Collectors of Classified Documents

When leaving the White House, everybody takes home some souvenir secret documents. It seems like that, anyway. Trump had 300. Ex-VP Biden had a few. Now it turns out that ex-Veep Mike Pence had some back home in Indiana, too. It’s a questionable hobby.

The federal government began the modern system of document classification in 1951, updating it in 1953 and 2009. Maybe the FBI also needs to search the homes of Harry Truman, Alben Barkley, Ike, Nixon, JFK, LBJ, Hubert Humphrey, Spiro Agnew, Gerald Ford, Nelson Rockefeller, Jimmy Carter, Walter Mondale, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, George W. Bush,  Dick Cheney, and Barack Obama.

Kamala Harris, take heed.

More:

“Trump Angrily Orders Pence to Return All Classified Documents to Mar-a-Lago,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

Update:

See? We told you.

“Classified records pose conundrum stretching back to Carter,” Zeke Miller, Farnoush Amiri, Colleen Long, and Jill Colvin, Associated Press

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Washington Re-Crossing the Delaware

Artist Mort Künstler unveils a new painting of “Washington crossing the Delaware” today at the New-York Historical Society. The new version is more historically accurate than the iconic 1851 work by Emanuel Leutze that hangs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The new painting shows the American rebel raiders crossing the river at a narrower location on a stormy night in a flat-bottomed ferry barge with the correct flag. We do not know if there will be a postage stamp or T-shirts.

Feds Follow Christine O’Donnell Money Trail

The bewitching Christine O’Donnell, Tea Party sweetheart, meat-eating  anti-masturbation crusader and Constitutional scholar, is being investigated by federal authorities for improper use of funds from her failed Senate campaign. Somehow $20,000 in campaign funds just … disappeared. Must have been magic.

‘I’m You — A Loser’

Where’s the magic?

Delaware Senate Race Election Returns:

Chris Coons, Democrat: 56 percent
Christine O’Donnell, GOP/Tea Party: 40 percent

Ms. O’Donnell:  On behalf of bloggers everywhere, we bid you a tearful farewell. We’ll really, really miss you.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Mice With Human Brains!

 

Christine O’Donnell, Delaware Republican Senate candidate, meat-eater, and recovering witch, is also a scientific expert. In 2007 she reported on genetic engineering on Fox News:

“American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.”

Where the heck did that come from? Michael Fumento presents this hypothesis:

Christine O’Donnell Amends the Constitution

“Where in the Constitution is separation of church and state?”
—Christine O’Donnell to Chris Coons, Delaware senatorial debate, October 19, 2010.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof ….”
— Amendment I, Constitution of the United States of America

“…I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States ….”
— United States Senate Oath of Office

Can you swear to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States” when you don’t know what’s in it?

“The good news is that the First Amendment also lets O’Donnell make a fool of herself.”
–John Kelso, Austin American-Statesman.

Christine O’Donnell Foils Commie Invasion!

Thank God Delaware Republican Christine O’Donnell used her secret classified knowledge to stave off a Chinese Communist attack on the USA the last time she ran for the U.S. Senate, back in 2006. We don’t know exactly how she discovered that the heathen hordes were poised to pounce, but she did. How can we be sure? Because the candidate said so, and she never lies.

That was 2006, and China’s “carefully thought out and strategic plan to take over America” never materialized. How did Christine O’Donnell avert the Asian invasion? Was it … witchcraft?

Whatever. A grateful nation thanks you, Ms. O’Donnell.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Christine O’Donnell — As Seen on TV!

Last night GOP Senate hopeful Christine O’Donnell debated Delaware Democrat Chris Coons. The television audience gasped at Ms. O’Donnell’s grasp of Supreme Court issues:

Red-Meat Christianity

Christine O’Donnell:

“I would have become a Hare Krishna but I didn’t want to become a vegetarian. And that is honestly the reason why — because I’m Italian, I love meatballs!”
— On Bill Maher’s Politically Incorrect, July 19, 1999

(Video clip after the jump)

Witch Makes Media Disappear

When Christine O’Donnell dabbled in witchcraft, she must have learned a magic trick or two. The Delaware GOP Senate candidate says she’s going to make the media disappear.