Posts Tagged ‘celebrities’

Lochte Wins Olympic Gold In Frat Boy Moves

August 22, 2016

Lochte Wins Olympic Gold In Frat Boy Moves

Ryan Lochte, champion Olympic swimmer and America’s Sexiest Douchbag, is in the news, but not for winning his 12th Olympic medal in Rio. He went to a party at Rio’s Casa França with swim team pals Jimmy Feigen, Gunnar Bentz and Jack Conger and they got drunk. On their way back to the Olympic Village in the wee hours of August 14th, they had their cab driver stop at a gas station in Rio’s Barra da Tijuca neighborhood so they could take a pee. The restroom door was locked, but boys will be boys and nature abhors a full bladder, so they broke down the door and trashed a soap holder, a mirror, and a “Please Do Not Enter” sign. Two impatient athletes peed against a wall. In other words, just another boys night out for privileged American jocks.

But this didn’t go over so well in upscale Barra da Tijuca. An armed security guard appeared, and the drunken bros paid about $51 toward the damages before their taxi was allowed to pull away.

Ryan Lochte (“So Sexy, So Dumb“) had a short-lived reality TV show called What Would Ryan Lochte Do? In this case what he did was lie, as any spoiled frat boy would. When the teammates got back to the Olympic Village, they claimed they were robbed of $400 at gunpoint by crooks masquerading as police, and Ryan Lochte even told that lie to his mother.

This all fell apart when security video surfaced showing that the four had their wallets when they passed through metal detectors on their return to the athletes village. Surveillance footage from the gas station even showed them breaking down that door.

Swimmers Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz were pulled off a US-bound plane in Rio on August 17th and questioned by police. Teammate Jimmy Feigen was forced to pay $11,000 to a Brazilian charity before he was allowed to leave the country. And Ryan Lochte, in the true spirit of “I’m-a-celebrity-get-me-outta-here,” left Rio on August 16th, before any of that happened.

So after the 2016 Olympic Games observed their closing ceremonies, the people of Rio remember how America’s spoiled millionaire athletes trashed their city and its reputation and taxed its already overburdened justice system. And total bro Ryan Lochte went back to his 130 pairs of shoeship-hop-tropical-frat-boy wardrobe, and a T-shirt that says “I am Ryan Lochte. Google Me.” Only now when you Google “Ryan Lochte,” you’ll get the word “liar.” That’s one Lochte Olympic record that will never be broken.

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Trump TV Reality Show in Cleveland

July 19, 2016

Trump TV Reality Show in Cleveland

Donald J. Trump, middle-aged spoiled rich kid, a 6-times-bankrupt businessman, and former reality TV star, is featured in a TV miniseries this week in Cleveland, Ohio (“the Open-Carry State”). Speakers include minor show-biz celebrities who didn’t make the cut for Mr. Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice series:

Scott Baio, from the 1982 TV show Joanie Loves Chachi

Kimberlin Brown, soap opera actor (The Young and the Restless [1973], The Bold and the Beautiful [1987])

Ben Carson MD, former surgeon, a motivational speaker, … somehow

Chris W. Cox, Executive Director of the National Rifle Association Institute for Legislative Action

Jerry Falwell Jr., gun-totin’ Christian lawyer famously sired by televangelist Jerry Falwell Sr.

Natalie Gulbis, 492nd-ranked LPGA golfer (and “Blonde Bombshell,” adds the Daily Caller)

Laura Ingraham, right-wing radio host

Brock Mealer, “inspirational speaker” and car crash victim

Willie Jess Robertson, Duck Dynasty TV personality and duck call company executive

Phil Ruffin, Las Vegas casino owner, partner in the Trump International Hotel and Tower

Antonio Sabato Jr., underwear model

Darrell Scott, pastor of Cleveland’s New Spirit Revival Center, a “prosperity church

Lisa Shin, optometrist, of Korean Americans for Trump (founded in April), who formed a new non-certifying optometry association and then resigned from it; one of very few non-blonde  women speaking at the Convention

Melania Knaus Trump, Slovene-American former model and the incumbent Mrs. Trump

Tiffany Trump, out of Marla Maples by D.J. Trump, Internet celebrity who is famous for being well-known

Dana White, President of the mixed martial arts organization Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC)

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Trump: The TV Network

June 20, 2016

Donald J. Trump reportedly has a Plan B for that awkward period after he loses the election to Hillary Clinton: The Trump TV Network.

“According to several people briefed on the discussions, the presumptive Republican nominee is examining the opportunity presented by the ‘audience’ currently supporting him. He has also discussed the possibility of launching a ‘mini-media conglomerate’ outside of his existing TV-production business, Trump Productions LLC. He has, according to one of these people, enlisted the consultation of his daughter Ivanka Trump and son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who owns the The New York Observer. Trump’s rationale, according to this person, is that, ‘win or lose, we are onto something here. We’ve triggered a base of the population that hasn’t had a voice in a long time.’ For his part, Kushner was heard at a New York dinner party saying that ‘the people here don’t understand what I’m seeing. You go to these arenas and people go crazy for him.’”

— Is Donald Trump’s Endgame the Launch of Trump News?” Sarah Ellison, Vanity Fair

We look forward to a a full schedule of reality shows, post-fact news, stream-of-consciousness commentary, Ivanka’s fashion forecasts, pro wrestling, beauty pageants, and celebrity golf, all punctuated with commercials for Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka, Trump Ice, and leftover red baseball caps.

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Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-o1f

Image (“Trump on TV, with apologies to Dalton Avalos Ramirez“) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Buried Knife Found at the O.J. Simpson Estate

March 8, 2016

Buried Knife Found at the O.J. Simpson Estate

To the delight of tabloid editors and TMZ, a knife found years ago during the demolition of O.J. Simpson’s house, site of his ex-wife’s murder, has been turned over to the LAPD lab for analysis. An LA police officer, now retired, says the LAPD didn’t want the knife, since the trial was already over, so he kept it.

Early reports suggest the knife blade doesn’t match the fatal wounds, and DNA tests are underway.

How did this newly-revealed knife get to the Simpson property? There are many possibilities:

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Trump Triumphant in Nevada

February 24, 2016

Trump Triumphant in Nevada

Reality TV star, Las Vegas restaurateur, and sham “university” founder Donald J. Trump romped through the Nevada Republican Caucus yesterday. “We won with young,” he said, “We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.”

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Quitter: Trump Debate No-Show

January 28, 2016

Quitter: Trump Debate No-Show

“Trump’s Misogynistic Meltdown,” Emily Arrowood, U.S. News & World Report

“Donald Trump Is Skipping the GOP Debate Because He Hates Women,” Jesse Berney, Rolling Stone

“CNN’s Carol Costello: If Trump ‘Cherishes Women,’ Why Does He Call Them Bimbos?” Alex Griswold, Mediaite

“Donald Trump has a problem with strong women,” Edward Luce, Financial Times

“Rand Paul: Donald Trump ‘Doesn’t Like A Strong, Assertive Woman,’” Andrew Kaczynski, BuzzFeed

“The sexism in Donald Trump’s latest swipe at Fox News’s Megyn Kelly,” Eric Wemple, Washington Post

“Fear of Women Is Key to Donald Trump’s Misogyny — and America’s,” Adele M. Stan, American Prospect

Related:

“Millions Resent Being Put in Horrible Position of Siding with Megyn Kelly,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

“How Donald Trump uses .political correctness. to make sexist bullying seem like heroism,” Amanda Taub, Vox

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Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-n5X

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Donald Trump, Promise Keeper

September 6, 2015

Donald Trump, Promise Keeper

GOP presidential hopeful Donald Trump signed a loyalty pledge that he will support the official Republican Party presidential candidate and, if it’s not himself, he won’t run as a third-party candidate. Party loyalty means a lot to former long-time Democrat Trump, and a signed contract like that is surely sacred and binding to a man with three marriages and four bankruptcies.

And don’t worry, he’ll really get around to learning about foreign policy after his inauguration. It’s a promise.

More:

“Donald Trump’s empty loyalty vow: Man with three marriages, four bankruptcies reportedly pledging fidelity to GOP,” Joan Walsh, Salon

“Is Trump’s Republican Loyalty Oath Legally Enforceable?” Jacob Gershman, Wall Street Journal Law Blog

“Will the real Donald Trump please stand up?” Timothy Noah, Politico

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Paula Deen, Dancing Queen?

August 27, 2015

Paula Deen, Dancing Queen?

Disgraced former Food Network star Paula Deen tried to make her comeback with an online video network last year, but no one noticed. Now the 68-year-old is trying the last hope of has-been celebs, appearing as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. We hear her moves are smooth as butter.

More:

“Paula Deen Is Joining Dancing With the Stars, Y’all!” Tierney Bricker, E! Online

“Paula Deen’s Gonna Bust a Move on Dancing With the Stars,” Yesha Callahan, The Root

“So, How Uncomfortable Will You Feel Watching Paula Deen on Dancing With the Stars?” Taylor Ferber, VH1+

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Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-lYt

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Private Investor Improves Basic Infrastructure in Mexico

July 14, 2015

Private Investor Improves Basic Infrastructure in Mexico
Wealthy private investor Joaquin Guzmán has bankrolled a new tunnel in the Santa Juana neighborhood of Almoloya de Juárez, Mexico, 16 miles from Toluca. The tunnel, 5 1/2 feet in diameter, stretches about a mile from the Centro Federal de Readaptación Social No. 1 “Altiplano,” a government facility, to an unfinished house surrounded by cornfields, perhaps slated for future development. It is estimated that the sophisticated underground structure cost $5 million to complete.

More information:

“Mexico drug lord Guzman’s escape tunnel is a minor engineering masterpiece,” Tracy Wilkinson, Los Angeles Times

“How Mexico’s Most-Wanted Drug Lord Escaped From Prison (Again),” Larry Buchanan, Josh Keller, and Derek Watkins, New York Times

“Undermining Mexico: How ‘El Chapo’ built a criminal empire — and escaped prison — by digging deep.” Nick Miroff, Washington Post

“How a Mexican drug kingpin’s daring prison escape made him a hip-hop icon & an outlaw hero,” Matthew Pulver, Salon

Update:

“Underworld: How the Sinaloa drug cartel digs its tunnels,” Monte Reel, The New Yorker

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TV Terminates Trump

July 2, 2015

NBC to Trump: 'You're Fired!'
Donald John Trump, Sr., reality television performer, real estate heirgolf course owner, beauty pageant producer, hotel and casino boss, chairman and president of Trump This n’ That, and really rich person, declared his candidacy for U.S. President two weeks ago. He also declared that Mexican immigrants are drug dealers, rapists, and killers.

Needless to say, this did not go over well with the USA’s largest ethnic group, Latinos, or with the Republic of Mexico. America’s largest Spanish-language broadcaster Univisión was the first to unplug Trump, dropping coverage of the Miss USA and Miss Universe beauty pageants he produces, and NBC followed suit. Understandably, Miss Mexico opted out of the Miss Universe competition, and so did Miss Costa Rica. NBC’s Miss USA co-hosts also bailed, Miss USA judges Zuleyka Rivera and Emmitt Smith recused themselves, and rapper Flo Rida won’t perform on the show, either.

New York City is reviewing its contracts with the Trump Organization, which manages Central Park’s skating rinks and carousel and golf links at Point Ferry Park in the Bronx. NASCAR won’t hold its awards ceremony at Trump’s hotel. Macy’s is discontinuing it’s Trump menswear line, but there’s been lots of interest in Donald Trump piñatas, hand-crafted in Mexico.

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