Sarah Louise Heath Palin, Governor of all 670 000 Alaskans, energized the Republican Base at the Republican Convention last night, causing a brief shortage of blood pressure medication in the St. Paul area. As Vice President, Governor Palin said, she will employ the same administrative skills she used as Mayor of Wasilla, AK (population then: 5500). That means she and John McCain will hire a City Administrator to do their jobs so they can spend their time trying to ban books in public libraries and and keep Sex Ed out of classrooms.
In her prepared remarks, Governor Palin chastised “Community Organizers” and their failed, unAmerican methods of “Self-Help” and “Citizen-Involvement.” Thanks to the efforts of Mayor Palin (and suburban sprawl from nearby Anchorage), Wasilla today is a thriving metropolis of beautiful big box stores and spacious parking lots. The population has grown to nearly 8,000, as Sarah Palin is an ardent proponent of Abstinence-Only Sex Education.