Archive for the ‘Rudy Giuliani’ Category

Rudy Giuliani: ‘I’m not questioning his patriotism.’

February 22, 2015

Rudy Giuliani:'I’m not questioning his patriotism.'
One day Rudy Giuliani says: “… I do not believe that the president loves America.” The next day he says:”…I’m not questioning his patriotism.” Since “patriotism” means “love of country,” what’s that all about?

Simple. Mr. Giuliani, a serial adulterer, has a very complicated definition of “love.”

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Giuliani Golf Joke Tour

May 21, 2009

Giuliani Golf Joke Tour

Former Duke “Blue Devil” Golf Team member Andrew Giuliani is making headlines this week — not as a pro golfer, but for helping Federal Judge Wallace W. Dixon launch a second career in standup comedy. Mr. Giuliani is the son of former New York mayor and failed Republican presidential candidate Rudolph “9-11” Giuliani and one of his former wives, newscaster-actress Donna Hanover.

Andrew Giuliani was thrown off the Duke University golf team for being a bad sport and a bad golfer. Naturally he sued the university and golf coach for breach of contract; what spoiled brat wouldn’t? Duke just awarded young Mr. Giuliani his degree; he filed Civil Action No. 1:08—cv—00502 in Federal District Court and turned pro (after a fashion).

The result of the legal action: a star is born. Not Mr. Giuliani but Judge Dixon, whose opinion on the case delighted duffers and editors alike, making hilarious headlines:

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Missing Celebrity!

August 4, 2008

Missing Celebrity

A John McCain TV commercial compares Barack Obama to celebrities:

Paris Hilton — check.

Britney Spears — check.

Mary-Kate Olsen — hey! Where is she? If I were her, my feelings would be hurt.

Mary-Kate Olsen is on the cover and the authoritative page six of the New York Post. So why isn’t Mary-Kate in Senator McCain’s commercial?

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Andrew Giuliani, Golf Terrorist?

July 25, 2008

Andrew Giuliani, Golf Terrorist?

[Note: See the update, Giuliani Golf Joke Tour.]

Andrew Giuliani, son of former New York City Mayor Rudolph “9/11” Giuliani, was thrown off the golf team at Duke University for conduct unbecoming a country club member and being a crappy golfer. A true sportsman, he is suing the university.

Former Duke “Blue Devils” golf coach Rod Myers recruited Young Giuliani, then died. The grounds of Giuliani’s suit seem to be that Duke seduced and abandoned him and must let him play golf, however low his behavior and high his scores, or something to that effect.  The 22-year-old would-be pro golfer has a strained relationship with his father, a one-time would-be presidential candidate.

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Election Shocker!

February 19, 2008

Election Shocker

In an electrifying move, Fidel Castro has dropped out of the upcoming presidential election. This was not totally unexpected; there have been rumors of health issues for some time and Castro, the only candidate to do worse than Rudy Giuliani in the Florida Primary, was not in the strongest of positions.

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Hail and Farewell

January 30, 2008

Hail and Farewell

(Above: Florida Republicans greet Rudy Giuliani.)

Like many vacationing “snowbirds,” Rudolph William Louis Giuliani learned that Floridians were glad to take his money but it wasn’t really love. The former New York mayor will quit the presidential horserace at the Reagan Ranch in California tomorrow and ride shotgun on the John McCain bandwagon.

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Big Show Tonight

January 24, 2008

Big Show Tonight

(Left to right: Mitt Romey, John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Rudy Giuliani, Ron Paul.)

The five leading Republican presidential candidates compete tonight on MSNBC’s “Survivor: Boca Raton” (special guest host: Fred Thompson). 

Candidates will explain why the economy isn’t really in the toilet, and even if it is why it wasn’t Republicans who put it there, and how they even started a war to try and stimulate the economy. They will agree on three measures to boost the economy: tax cuts, tax reductions, and tax-cut extensions. After all, look how well those policies have worked already.

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McCain’s Sweet Song of Success (Update)

January 8, 2008

McCain's Sweet Song of Success -- Update

[Update 9AM January 9, 2008] A big win for Senator John McCain, whom the conventional wisdom had grown to favor in the New Hampshire Republican primary in the past week. Mitt Romney trailed by five percent.

With 96 percent of precincts reporting, AP reports McCain with 37 percent of the vote, Romney 32 percent, Huckabee 11, Giuliani 9 percent, Ron Paul 8 percent and Duncan Hunter one percent. Tom Tancredo (who has withdrawn from the race) got less than one percent, as did Alan Keyes and another twelve candidates unknown to the general public

Rad-Islamic Campus Posters Ride Again

December 10, 2007

Rad-Islamic Campus Posters Ride Again

More campus commotion over posters, this time at the University of Florida, where Vice President for Student Affairs Patricia Telles-Irvin asked Campus Republicans to apologize for posters reading “Radical Islam Wants You Dead.” The posters promoted screening of the controversial film “Obsession: Radical Islam’s War against the West.”

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GOP Pseudo-Event

November 29, 2007

GOP Pseudo-Event 

The news media are chock-full of reports about a cable-TV quiz show featuring the Republican candidates who will compete in Iowa’s up-coming Presidential Tupperware® Party in five weeks.

This was said to be newsworthy, perhaps because TV scriptwriters are on strike and Wednesday’s other televised squabbles were even more boring.

Image of last night’s thrilling event by Mike Licht. Thanks to CNN, GOP, YouTube, yadda yadda.  Tupperware is a registered trademark of, um, Tupperware, whose parties are much more consequential than the Iowa caucuses. There, I’ve said it.