Archive for the ‘presidential politics’ Category

Trump Declares … Something or Other

June 17, 2015

Trump Declares . . . Something or Other

Donald John Trump, Sr., reality television performer, golf course owner, beauty pageant promoter, casino owner, and chairman and president of Trump This n’ That, has made a takeover bid for the 2016 Republican candidacy for the U.S. presidency. He outlined his platform Tuesday in a speech at the Trump Tower of Barad-dûr in midtown Mordor:

The Economy:

“I don’t need anybody’s money. It’s nice…I’m really rich.”

“I’m really rich. And by the way, I’m not even saying that to brag. That’s the kind of mindset, the kind of thinking, you need for this country… We have the opposite thinking: We have losers.”


“The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else’s problems.”

International Diplomacy:

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.”

“I beat China all the time.”


Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb!

June 16, 2015

Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! Jeb!

The excitement and the exclamation points could not be contained as John Ellis “Jeb” Bush, railed against “the pampered elites of Washington” and declared his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States.

Mr. Bush, a graduate of the Phillips Academy, has been an international banker, Florida real estate developerNigerian business negotiator, chairman of three offshore private equity funds, advisor to the British bank Barclay’s, a consultant to Lehman Brothers and on its Private Equity Advisory Board, and was formerly on the board of fraud-prone Tenet Healthcare, a private Swiss bank, and the Heritage Foundation. He is the son of former President George H. W. Bush and younger brother of former President George W. Bush.


Pataki Joins the Umpteen Other Contenders for the 2016 GOP Nomination

May 31, 2015

Pataki Joins the Umpteen Other Contenders for the 2016 GOP Nomination
Last week former New York Governor George Pataki announced that he is running to be the 2016 Republican Presidential candidate. He’s got three big problems. Number three is the big crowd of contenders ahead of him. His second-biggest problem: Since he left office in 2006 the Republican Party has run away from his social positions, veering quite far to the Right. His number 1 problem? No one knows who he is anymore.


Santorum Crusade Commences

May 28, 2015

Santorum Crusade Commences

On Wednesday afternoon in the little Palestinian Pennsylvania town of Bethlehem Butler, a Republican savior was born. That’s right, Rick Santorum has declared that he’s running to be the 2016 GOP candidate for President.  He was accompanied by his well-heeled apostle, multi-millionaire Foster Friess.

“I’m really going to have an uphill battle ahead of me,” Mr. Santorum told the money changers in a Tuesday fundraising email, “All the way up Calvary.” Okay, maybe we imagined that last part, but the man sure felt martyred by the 2012 contest, and this Second Coming will be even more trying. This time around there are plenty of other contenders for the hearts, souls, wallets, and votes of the Theocratic Republican faithful.


Hillary’s Happenin’ Heartland Road Trip

April 17, 2015

Hillary's Happenin' Heartland Road Trip
Former limo-riding senator and jet-setting Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton kicked off her campaign by riding from Westchester to Iowa in a Chevy van. It was a gas-pumping, burrito-bowl-eating road trip. Now Ms. Clinton’s “Scooby Van‘” is cruising the Hawkeye State, chased by stray dogs and reporters, as she campaigns for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination.


“The ‘everyday people’ who made Hillary Clinton’s burrito bowl,” Michael Kruse, Politico

“Clinton Bypassed Centrist Taco Bell for Liberal Favorite Chipotle,” Dante Chinni, Wall Street Journal blog

“The Press Isn’t Asking Enough Questions About Hillary’s Trip to Chipotle,” Jaime Fuller, New York Magazine

“This is what four days of inane Clinton-Chipotle coverage looks like,” The Week


Short link:

Image (“Hillary Clinton Road Trip, after the Studio of Hanna-Barbera”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht,

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Ted Cruz Declares Holy War

March 23, 2015

Ted Cruz Declares Holy War

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) declared his presidential candidacy Monday at Liberty University, invoking the Deity (who seems to have endorsed him), Jesus Christ, Rafael Cruz (his own preacher daddy), GOP saint Ronald Reagan and, oddly, Thomas Jefferson (who re-wrote the Bible, omitting the miracles of Jesus) and ultimate Big Government champ FDR.

Excerpts from Monday’s address by Mr. Cruz (links added):


Ted Cruz: The Cruzade Begins

March 22, 2015

Ted Cruz: The Cruzade Begins

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) will announce that he is a candidate for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination today. The venue? Liberty University (“Training Champions for Christ since 1971“), founded by the late televangelist Jerry Falwell, not known for religious tolerance or compassion. Mr. Cruz should feel right at home. His Dad, Rafael Cruz, is a Texas evangelical pastor who makes Jerry Falwell look like Mister Rogers.

There should be a substantial crowd for the senator’s appearance at the Vines Center, since the event is a Liberty University Convocation. All LU students who live on campus are required to attend these convocations, which occur three times a week.


God, Guns, Grits and Snake Oil

March 22, 2015

God, Guns, Grits and Snake Oil

Now that Mike Huckabee has left Fox News, he’s financing his presidential campaign in an unconventional way.  He sent out an email pitch for a dubious diabetes cure based on ingredients found in cinnamon buns.


You Won’t Have Mitt Romney to Kick Around Anymore

January 30, 2015

You Won't Have Mitt Romney to Kick Around Anymore
To paraphrase Richard Nixon, you won’t have Mitt Romney to kick around anymore.


Republican Recycling

January 13, 2015

Republican Recycling

Tan, rested and ready: Willard Mitt Romney, failed Republican presidential candidate, one-term Massachusetts Governor, dancing horse ownercorporate looter and job-destroying private equity exec. What’s not to like? Get ready America, the 2016 presidential election starts now.



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