Give me an H! Give me an A! Give me a Z–I–N–G!

The human pyramid of championship cheerleading came crashing down at Towson University last week. The entire Towson Tiger Cheerleading Team, every single girl, was suspended for hazing. “Hazing in any form will not be tolerated at Towson University,” said university VP Deb Moriarty, and the school’s hazing policy is clear. The cheerleaders are also banned from performing or practicing their quasi-sport, but perhaps they will have a role in Towson’s Hazing Prevention Week, conveniently scheduled for September 23-27, 2013.

A Dangerous Instrument in the Wrong Hands

Suspicious Package in Columbia, Maryland:

“The area around the building was cordoned off with yellow police tape. Just outside the perimeter were police cars, an emergency services command truck, and fire and rescue trucks. ‘We send out equipment based on a worst-case scenario,’ said Assistant Fire Chief Joe Dixon.”

“More than two hours. More than 30 police, fire and rescue workers. And more than enough police cars and big trucks to widen the eyes of three dozen youngsters in day care, all to investigate a suspicious package that turned out to be … an accordion.”

— “Suspicious package in Columbia turns out to be an accordion,” Jessica Anderson and Andrea F. Siegel, Baltimore Sun

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Maryland Chooses Love

In a remarkable act of decency and understanding, the voters of the state of Maryland approved legal status for same-sex civil marriage. In a political year marked by hate speech and fear-mongering, it’s a significant triumph for tolerance and love.

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Question 7: Maryland Gambling Proxy War

Maryland voters go to the polls today to decide if they will be manipulated by West Virginia casino owners or Las Vegas casino owners. ‘Vegas wants to run gambling joints in Prince Georges County, near Washington DC. Maryland backers claim this will keep the money they lose inside their own state, as if it won’t just go to Nevada to be reinvested in Macau or a Mitt Romney PAC or something. West Virginia casino owners want to avoid competition from fancier gambling dens closer to Baltimore and DC, so they’re against it. The only sure winners here: advertising agencies and local broadcasters, since both sides spent millions bombarding helpless residents with commercials.

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Warren Buffett’s Message for Maryland Voters

Berkshire Hathaway’s Warren Buffett, to MBA students at the Richard Ivey School of Business:

“On my honeymoon I traveled out west. When I visited the casino and saw all these smart well-dressed people participating in a game with the odds against them, it was then that I realized ‘I won’t have a problem getting rich!'”

— “The Moment When Warren Buffett Realized Getting Rich Would Be Easy,” Gus Lubin, Business Insider

Something to think about on Tuesday, November 6th.

Related:

“University of Maryland launches problem gambling center,” Chris Korman, Baltimore Sun

The High Price of America’s Gambling Addiction,” Sheryl Nance-Nash, AOL Daily Finance

“Gambling more of a problem in U.S. adults than drinking,” Kathleen Blanchard RN, eMaxHealth.com

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Potomac Casino: Snake Eyes

The deal for a huge casino 5 miles outside DC at Maryland’s National Harbor has gone sour. A state government working group advised against granting a license for the $800 million gambling joint on the banks of the Potomac in Prince Georges County. Five casinos have already been licensed by the state, and of them three are currently relieving customers of their cash.

National Harbor offers many advantages to a casino operation. It has water taxi service to Old Town Alexandria, a bunch of mediocre eateries and sufficient hotel rooms to accomodate high rollers and the hookers who love them. Casinos are 24/7 enterprises, and National Harbor’s Children Museum can provide daytime daycare for the kids of bored housewives busy gambling away the grocery money.

More:

“O’Malley slams delegates for backing out of casino deal,” Ben Giles, Washington Examiner

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Drone Aircraft Lands in Salisbury, Maryland

A Northrop Grumman RQ-4A Global Hawk aerial drone crashed in Salisbury, Maryland yesterday. The pilot was unhurt. Oh, wait ….

The U.S. Navy’s $176 million remote-controlled aircraft smacked into the ground just outside town, the largest infusion of government cash in Salisbury since the state plopped down a university there in 1925. This is the biggest thing to happen in Salisbury (“Crossroads of Delmarva”) since last week’s big WWF wrestling match.

Maryland Marriage Equality

“Maryland Senate passes same-sex marriage bill,” Aaron C. Davis, Washington Post

“Maryland Senate passes gay marriage bill,” Annie Linskey, Baltimore Sun

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Deer Birth Control

The permissive state of Maryland will allow use of the deer contraceptive GonaCon by unmarried bucks and does. Prepare for woodland orgies this fall. Nearby, the God-fearing Commonwealth of Virginia relies on a roadkill-maximizing abstinence-only policy. Virginia’s hunters and auto body shops are grateful.

 

Related:

“Roadkill Observation Collection System (ROCS): Phase III Development,” Western Transportation Institute at Montana State University

The Complete Venison Cookbook, by Harold Webster, Jr.

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Fish Rustlers Ride Again!

Last Wednesday a posse of Maryland Natural Resources police found another illegal gill net off Kent Island. It was filled with 400 pounds of rockfish. Maryland authorities say they’ve rounded up 8,425 yards of illegal net and 12 tons of rustled rockfish this month. And February is a short month.

Police are hot on the trail of the varmints, but so far have failed to corral the criminals, so they’re bringing in the bounty hunters. The reward for information leading to a rockfish rustling arrest has been raised to $30,500.

 

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