Archive for the ‘Louie Gohmert’ Category

Gohmert Claims American War Hero Supports Al Qaeda

October 13, 2013

Gohmert Claims American War Hero Supports Al Qaeda

The Honorable The Congress-Clown representing the Piney Woods of East Texas, Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1), claims that fellow Republican Senator John McCain (R-AZ) supports al Qaeda terrorists. You may recall that Senator McCain flew a Navy jet during the Vietnam Conflict and was shot down and held as a prisoner of war for 6 years in the infamous “Hanoi Hilton” prison. Mr. Gohmert is also a distinguished veteran, having gallantly served as a peace-time defense lawyer at Fort Benning in the perilous jungles of Columbus, Georgia.

Senator McCain had, in fact, traveled to Syria and met with rebels, but they were the U.S.-backed Northern Storm Brigade, a faction often attacked by al Qaeda affiliated groups. Not that facts have ever concerned Louie Gohmert.


Texas Congressman Sees Another Conspiracy

April 28, 2013

Texas Congressman Sees Another Conspiracy

The Honorable The congressman representing the First District of Texas, Rep. Louie Gohmert, the hero who saved the Republic from The Attack of the Terrorist Babies, has found a new covert menace:

“… this administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”

— “Tea Party Congressman: Muslim Brotherhood Is Guiding Obama In Boston Bombings Investigation,” Igor Volsky, Think Progress

But just how many Muslim Brotherhood members have infiltrated the Obama administration, anyway?


When Is a Gun Not a Gun?

January 7, 2013

When is a Gun Not a Gun?

Q: When is a gun not a gun?

A: When it’s a hammer.

That’s what Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1) thinks, anyway. Asked about proposed legislation to restrict the sale of assault weapons, military-style arms like those used in recent mass killings, Mr. Gohmert replied:

“I refuse to play the game of ‘assault weapon.’ That’s any weapon. It’s a hammer. It’s the machetes. In Rwanda that killed 800,000 people, an article that came out this week, the massive number that are killed with hammers.”

Louie Gohmert is an authority on hammers, being dumber than a sack of them. Perhaps he’ll be named Chair of the House Subcommittee on Hand Tool Terrorism.

Firearms kill thousands of Americans each year; blunt objects kill hundreds, but we don’t know how many are committed with hammers, perhaps dozens. We expect Mr. Gohmert to hold fact-finding hearings about that in the new Congressional session.


“Republican Congressman Claims Hammers Could Be Outlawed Under Assault Weapons Ban,” Scott Keyes, Think Progress

“Gohmert: ‘Any weapon’ is an assault weapon,” Justin Sink, The Hill

“Conservatives demand hammer control,” Alex Seitz-Wald, Salon


“Louie Gohmert: Aurora Shootings Result Of ‘Ongoing Attacks On Judeo-Christian Beliefs,'” Jennifer Bendery, Huffington Post

“Former NRA president compares banning guns to racism,” Jillian Rayfield, Salon


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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht,

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Proven: The Terror Baby Menace!

March 18, 2011

 Proven: The Terror Baby Menace!

At last, scientific vindication of the Terror Baby menace, the wave of pregnant terrorist tourists coming to our country and dropping their evil spawn amongst us to bomb us into oblivion. This threat to National Security was first brought to our attention by Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1) . Mr. Gohmert discovered this phenomenon through the actual chit-chat of an actual foreign woman during an actual overseas airline flight.

Now the Center for Immigration Studies, America’s most official-sounding xenophobic “think tank,” has released a scientific study, based on scientifically-selected editorials, which expresses Islamic Infant Terror Tourist Tactics in actual Arabic Numbers. It reveals that millions of fecund foreign females cross our borders to study and vacation in our fair land and, given their unAmerican high fertility rates, they undoubtedly eject infants before departing. Simple arithmatic shows that as many as 200,000 infant invaders can be be born here under the flimsy cover of legitimate tourist and student visas. These baby bombers can claim U.S. citizenship after a mere 21 years and dissappear amongst us to menace our precious malls and McDonald’s.


Guns in the Capitol

January 14, 2011

Guns in the Capitol

To commemorate the shooting death of a 9-year-old girl, a Congressional Aide and a Federal judge, and the gunshot injury of his colleague Representative Gabrielle Giffords (D, AZ-8), Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1 ) wants to pack heat in the U.S. Capitol.

Gawker sums it up succinctly: “Dumbest Congress Member Wants Guns on the House Floor.”


Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht,

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Terrorist Baby Invasion!

August 15, 2010

Terrorist Baby Invasion!

Terrorist babies are entering the U.S. from Mexico. Luckily, they have been spotted by sharp-eyed Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1), whose gerrymandered East Texas district shares borders with the terrorist states of Arkansas and Louisiana. Even though Mr. Gohmert is running unopposed, infant invasion intensity is increasing as election day nears.


Terrorist Bomber Babies!

July 6, 2010

Terrorist Bomber Babies!
Pregnant terrorists are infiltrating America to give birth to baby bombers, reports Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1). Mr. Gohmert, ranking Republican on the subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism and Homeland Security, announced this on the House floor: 


Louie Gohmert’s Challenger Favors DC Vote

February 4, 2008

 Louie Gohmert's Challenger Favors DC Vote
Roger L. Owen

The independent candidate opposing Washington DC’s other congressman, Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1, DC), favors a vote on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives for the District. “Taxation without Representation is what brought about the Boston Tea Party,” said Mr. Owen in an email to NotionsCapital.


Lookout, Louie!

February 1, 2008

Lookout, Louie! 

Just when the people of the District of Columbia thought Louie Gohmert, Our Congressman, was safe, this happens! Out of nowhere, wham! Roger L. Owen is running as an independent back in Louie’s Other District, District 1 out in the Piney Woods of East Texas! Jiminy Cricket!


Louie Gohmert Aborts MLK Speech

February 1, 2008

 Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Congressman Louis Buller “Louie” Gohmert, Jr. (R, TX-01 and DC) misquoted Martin Luther King, Jr. and King David to assembled multitudes of the born and unborn at the recent March for Life Rally on the National Mall in Washington, DC (his second but non-voting district) on Jan 22, 2008.