Gohmert Claims American War Hero Supports Al Qaeda

The Honorable The Congress-Clown representing the Piney Woods of East Texas, Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1), claims that fellow Republican Senator John McCain (R-AZ) supports al Qaeda terrorists. You may recall that Senator McCain flew a Navy jet during the Vietnam Conflict and was shot down and held as a prisoner of war for 6 years in the infamous “Hanoi Hilton” prison. Mr. Gohmert is also a distinguished veteran, having gallantly served as a peace-time defense lawyer at Fort Benning in the perilous jungles of Columbus, Georgia.

Senator McCain had, in fact, traveled to Syria and met with rebels, but they were the U.S.-backed Northern Storm Brigade, a faction often attacked by al Qaeda affiliated groups. Not that facts have ever concerned Louie Gohmert.

Guns and DC

 

Congress recently denied a single House vote to the 600,000 American citizens of the Nation’s Capital, inserting a Poison Pill amendment into the bill, a measure repealing local safety laws regulating firearms in this densely populated city. Senators John McCain (R-AZ) and Jon Tester (D-MT) would now shove that pill down DC’s gullet without the House vote sweetener.

Unsurprisingly, both senators are up for re-election. Mr. McCain needs to butch up his conservative cred and thinks guns will help. Guns are certainly helping  his opponent , J.D. Hayworth; conservative gun apostles endorse him. Senator Tester, a former music teacher, seems like a nice guy forced by politics to pretend he thinks Washington (population 600,000) is Big Sandy, Montana (population 614).

McCain Responds to the Budget Proposal

Senator John McCain, speaking for Republicans because Rush Linbaugh was busy, presented his party’s fiscal year 2010 federal budget counter-proposal in words of two letters, all of them spelled “N-O.”

Joe in Jerusalem

“Joe the Plumber,” the independent truth-seeker who is really Republican, is not named Joe, and is not a licensed plumber, has arrived in Jerusalem to pursue his new career, Combat Blogger.

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher of Ohio, former Exhibition Blue-Collar Specimen of the McCain-Palin Carnival tour, successful author and country music singer, is now blogging for the crack Investigative Combat Unit of Pajamas Media, covering the Gaza conflict from mere miles away.  Mr. Wurzelbacher is such a skilled journalist that he could dispense with all that observing, researching, and interviewing stuff and tell the Israelis what they should be doing the minute  he stepped off the plane, earning the affectionate local nickname “Goyishe Kopf.”*

Joe the Plumber Plunges into Gaza

“Joe the Plumber,” Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher of Holland, Ohio, is on his way to the Gaza fray.

The non-plumber, non-economist, worst-selling memoirist, would-be country singer and token exhibition plebian for the failed McCain presidential campaign is now a non-war non-correspondent covering the Israeli incursion into Gaza for some blog. He is uniquely qualified to do this, as he was briefly famous for being well-known.

Victoria’s Republican Secret — Styling Sarah

The secret is out: The total cost of Sarah Palin’s VP campaign wardrobe, makeup, and hairstyling  keep ratcheting up. Add $165,000 for three stylists for nine weeks of work. This includes $54,900 paid to fashion consultant Lisa Kline in mid-October just for picking out Madam Gov’s deluxe duds.

That’s right: Despite recent spin, Fashiongate was not a case of giddy GOP interns on a buying spree in luxury stores. This was requested by Mrs. Palin, a calculated campaign costuming consultant contract.

 A well-presented dish makes undiscriminating diners overlook a lack of taste and nourishment. This lady is all sizzle and no moose steak. Styling Sarah was essential.

Palin Product Endorsement

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin may have hinted at her next career move yesterday. Responding to McCain campaign critics of her “Wardrobegate” fiasco, she announced: “I never asked for anything more than a Diet Dr Pepper once in a while.” According to anonymous sources, the photogenic Palin will replace anorexic Nicole Richie as the Diet Dr Pepper “spokesmodel.” The attractive Alaska governor has proven teleprompter skills and a loyal following.

Other rumors are flying. Reporters seek confirmation of a $40,000 RNC Diet Dr Pepper bill for October, and journalists are investigating whether Cindy McCain intervened before the GOP convention, sending Governor Palin into rehab at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona for acute Diet Dr. Pepper addiction.

McCain Two-Point Campaign

[The picture says it all.]

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com.

Trickle Treat!

Last night we put on our John McCain and Sarah Palin masks to greet the cute little trick-or-treaters of Capitol Hill. We want our young people to grow up as Real Americans, not Socialistic Redistributionists like That One, so we used Halloween as a “teachable moment” for a Supply-Side Economics lesson. That basic, Real American philosophy, so ably espoused by John McCain, has given our economy Strong Fundamentals, no matter what whiners may say.

McCain Funds PLO?

John “Yahya” McCain

Senator John McCain has funded PLO terrorists! Well, okay, they’re not called “terrorists” anymore, otherwise Condi Rice couldn’t meet with them, but they’re called terrorists in South Florida, right? And Sarah Palin can see the Golan Heights from her house. She said:

It seems that there is yet another radical professor from the neighborhood who spent a lot of time with Barack Obama going back several years. This is important because his associate, Rashid Khalidi, he in addition to being a political ally of Barack Obama, he’s a former spokesperson for the Palestinian Liberation Organization.

Of course, Governor Palin can’t really pronounce “Khalidi.” And Dr. Rashid Khalidi, born in New York, is a professor in the History Department of Columbia University, where he holds the Edward Said Chair of Modern Arab Studies in the Middle East Institute of the School of International and Public Affairs. The late Dr. Edward Said, after whom the position is named, was a member of the Palestinian National Council or PNC for a few years, not the PLO, but, hey, close enough a week before the election.

And Dr. Khalidi taught at Chicago when Barack Obama did, their kids went ot the same school, and Obama was at the goodbye party when Khalidi left Chicago for his current job in New York. And Barack Obama took an undergrad literature course from Said himself. OMG!

But wait!