Archive for the ‘Homeland Security’ Category

Trump Travel Ban Protects US From Terrorist Grannies

June 30, 2017

Trump Travel Ban Protects US From Terrorist Grannies

The U.S. Supreme Court, now with Trump appointee Neil Gorsuch on board, has ruled that a modified version of Donald Trump’s travel ban can go into effect for 90 days, as of yesterday evening. Travelers from six majority-muslim countries, none of whose citizens have committed terrorist acts on United States soil, must now document “bona fide relationships” with U.S. persons, companies, or institutions in order to travel to the USA.

The Trump administration has issued directives defining “bona fide relationships,” and the weirdest ones involve families of of U.S. citizens and legal residents. Some relatives may travel to the USA: Spouses, children and stepchildren, siblings and stepsiblings, parents and step-parents, father-in-laws and mother-in-laws, fiancées and fiancés. Who may not travel: Grandparents, grandchildren, sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws, uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews, or cousins.

This is a pretty strange definition of “family” by any standards. Remember, little Donnie Trump grew up across the street from his own immigrant grandmother in Queens, NY.

Update:

At the last moment, fiancées/fiancés were added to the good-to-go list, perhaps after lobbying from the mail order bride industry or because the president likes to marry foreign models?), and text above has been updated. But how can these relationships be documented? The Bridal Registry at Crate & Barrel? Engagement ring receipts from Kay Jewelers?

More:

“Stepsister, Yes; Grandma, No: U.S. Sets Guidelines for Revised Travel Ban,” Gardiner Harris and Ron Nixon, New York Times

“Travel ban’s ‘bona fide relationship’ test could open legal floodgates,” Lauren Pearle and Connor Finnegan, ABC News

“The Supreme Court Partially Allowed Trump’s Travel Ban. Who Is Still Barred?” Alicia Parlapiano and Anjali Singhvi, New York Times

“The travel ban going into effect would have saved zero lives from terrorist attacks in the last 20 years,” Philip Bump, Washington Post

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Short link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-q4P

Image: If Granny Clampett is Muslim, she can kiss Beverly Hills goodbye.

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Naughty Scanners Banned at Airports

January 19, 2013

Naughty Scanners Banned at Airport

Many air travelers have been concerned about airport scanning machines. Not about radiation the gizmos might emit, but because they think that TSA personnel can see them naked. As if anyone would want to see them naked.

Apparently TSA can’t fight this fear, so it’s removing those “invasive,” “naked image” scanners and replacing them with less “explicit” models. The whole scanner charade is “security theater,” anyway. The only reason airports have those things is because TSA is part of Homeland Security and that agency’s ex-boss shills for a scanner company.

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Image (“Leonardo’s Scanner”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here.Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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A Dangerous Instrument in the Wrong Hands

December 15, 2012

A Dangerous Instrument in the Wrong Hands

Suspicious Package in Columbia, Maryland:

“The area around the building was cordoned off with yellow police tape. Just outside the perimeter were police cars, an emergency services command truck, and fire and rescue trucks. ‘We send out equipment based on a worst-case scenario,’ said Assistant Fire Chief Joe Dixon.”

“More than two hours. More than 30 police, fire and rescue workers. And more than enough police cars and big trucks to widen the eyes of three dozen youngsters in day care, all to investigate a suspicious package that turned out to be … an accordion.”

— “Suspicious package in Columbia turns out to be an accordion,” Jessica Anderson and Andrea F. Siegel, Baltimore Sun

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Image ( “Accordion Squad!” magazine) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Crimebusters! DHS Science and Technology Directorate

October 10, 2012

Crimebusters! U.S. Science and Technology Directorate

James Bond has Q Branch, but the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has S&T, the Science and Technology Directorate. Of course, there’s more to this tech alphabet, R&D and HSSAI:

“… S&T maintains a team of futurists in Arlington, Va., at the Homeland Security Studies & Analysis Institute (HSSAI). There, in the Resilience and Emergency Preparedness / Response Branch, analysts explore the art of the possible, helping DHS shape dreams into a lucid, viable vision. ‘Revolutionary ways of working are often invented because visionaries saw a need and a novel way to meet it,’ said Deputy Director Bob Tuohy, who is an admitted sci-fi enthusiast.”

More:

“At Homeland Security’s think tank, first responders imagine a high-tech future,” Press Release

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Image (“Crimebuster Foiled, after Chester Gould”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Tweets of Terror

January 6, 2012

Tweets of Terror

“Imagine you’re a human rights activist working for an NGO in Sri Lanka. After a hard day’s work in a humid office building, you walk into your apartment, fire up your laptop and fire off the following tweet:

 ‘Holding workshop with @LTTE and Sri Lankan govt. about easing roadblocks for medical supplies to be trucked in. Conf. going well, God-willing.’

 Congratulations, you’re now a terrorist.”

— “Terror Tweets,” John Winn, OhMyGov!

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Washington, City of Bollards

September 12, 2011

Washington, City of Bollards

“It used to be that D.C. architecture consisted of graceful Georgetown mansions, neoclassical federal buildings — and, of course, the monuments. When the U.S. Commission of Fine Arts was founded in 1910 to guide Washington’s architectural development, it reviewed designs such as those of the Lincoln Memorial and the Federal Triangle. Over the seven years I’ve served on the commission, however, an increasing amount of time is spent discussing security-improvement projects: screening facilities, hardened gatehouses, Delta barriers, perimeter fences, and seemingly endless rows of bollards. We used to mock an earlier generation that peppered the U.S. capital with Civil War generals on horseback; now I wonder what future generations will make of our architectural legacy of crash-resistant walls and blast-proof glass.”

Wittold Rybczynski, Meyerson professor of urbanism at the University of Pennsylvania. Read more:

“The Blast-Proof City,” Wittold Rybczynski, Foreign Policy

“I Came, Eyesore, I Conquered,” Witold Rybczynski, Slate

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Zombie Attacks Spread to UK

June 21, 2011

Zombie Attacks Spread to UK

The global Zombie Menace has spread to Britain. The central English city of Leicester was invaded by lurching hordes of the Undead on Saturday and, despite ample warnings and suggested countermeasures, city authorities were completely unprepared.

How are things in your town?

Image (“ZRV: Zombie Response Vehicle”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

(Note to British homeland defense forces: the ZRV is available in right-hand drive)

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Big Border Bologna Bust!

May 20, 2011

Big Border Bologna Bust!

In a stunning security coup, agents of the U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service seized 385 pounds of bologna sausage at the New Mexico border last week. Officials bagged the bologna bandit as he sought to smuggle illicit lunchmeat into sleepy Santa Teresa, NM (population 2607).  The contraband cold cuts, with a street value of $2,700, were seized and destroyed before they reached the lunchboxes of innocent American schoolchildren.

Yet, for each bologna bagged at the border, surely six salamis slither across. Mr. President: where is our Border Wall?

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Proven: The Terror Baby Menace!

March 18, 2011

 Proven: The Terror Baby Menace!

At last, scientific vindication of the Terror Baby menace, the wave of pregnant terrorist tourists coming to our country and dropping their evil spawn amongst us to bomb us into oblivion. This threat to National Security was first brought to our attention by Congressman Louie Gohmert (R, TX-1) . Mr. Gohmert discovered this phenomenon through the actual chit-chat of an actual foreign woman during an actual overseas airline flight.

Now the Center for Immigration Studies, America’s most official-sounding xenophobic “think tank,” has released a scientific study, based on scientifically-selected editorials, which expresses Islamic Infant Terror Tourist Tactics in actual Arabic Numbers. It reveals that millions of fecund foreign females cross our borders to study and vacation in our fair land and, given their unAmerican high fertility rates, they undoubtedly eject infants before departing. Simple arithmatic shows that as many as 200,000 infant invaders can be be born here under the flimsy cover of legitimate tourist and student visas. These baby bombers can claim U.S. citizenship after a mere 21 years and dissappear amongst us to menace our precious malls and McDonald’s.

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Walls of Washington

January 14, 2011

Walls of Washington

“Security concerns have transformed Washington, taking a city envisioned as the physical embodiment of the openness of American democracy and turning it into a garrison town that is increasingly inaccessible to the general public.”

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