Pentagon: Most UFO Reports Are ‘Unremarkable’

The Pentagon’s All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO) recently reported that most sightings of Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAPs) are “unremarkable,” glimpses of balloons, drones, or airborne plastic bags and other trash.

If you’re keeping score at home, UAPs used to be called UFOS and, before that, flying saucers; the AARO was called the Airborne Object Identification and Management Group (AOIMSG) and, before that, the Unidentified Aerial Phenomena Task Force (UAPTF).

There you have it. Klaatu barada nikto.

Download the AARO 2022 UAP report here.

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Image (“Strange Starry Night, after Van Gogh”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Chicken captured near secure Pentagon area

An avian intruder was nabbed near the Pentagon early Monday morning. The chicken was intercepted and captured by security forces. Defense Department officials denied the feathered interloper intended harm to Colonel Sanders, and called any links between Chicken Kiev and the Ukraine crisis pure speculation.

The furtive fowl was tentatively identified as a Rhode Island Red, but communist ties are not suspected. Predatory poultry has been increasingly responsible for rogue incidents of urban terrorism over the past decade, as growing numbers of likely recruits have roosted in backyards across America, and are egged on by bandit bird ringleaders.

More:

“Chicken captured near secure Pentagon area,” Martin Weil, Washington Post

“The Inside Story of Pentagon Chicken’s Capture,” Tori Bergel, Washingtonian

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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9-11 Urban Legacy: Cities of Bollards

“It used to be that D.C. architecture consisted of graceful Georgetown mansions, neoclassical federal buildings — and, of course, the monuments. When the U.S. Commission of Fine Arts was founded in 1910 to guide Washington’s architectural development, it reviewed designs such as those of the Lincoln Memorial and the Federal Triangle. Over the seven years I’ve served on the commission, however, an increasing amount of time is spent discussing security-improvement projects: screening facilities, hardened gatehouses, Delta barriers, perimeter fences, and seemingly endless rows of bollards. We used to mock an earlier generation that peppered the U.S. capital with Civil War generals on horseback; now I wonder what future generations will make of our architectural legacy of crash-resistant walls and blast-proof glass.”

— Wittold Rybczynski, Meyerson professor of urbanism at the University of Pennsylvania.

Read more:

“The Blast-Proof City,” Wittold Rybczynski, Foreign Policy

“We Built DC Into an Urban Fortress After 9/11. And January 6 Proved It Was Penetrable.” Jane Recker, Washingtonian

“I Came, Eyesore, I Conquered,” Witold Rybczynski, Slate

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Trump Travel Ban Protects US From Terrorist Grannies

The U.S. Supreme Court, now with Trump appointee Neil Gorsuch on board, has ruled that a modified version of Donald Trump’s travel ban can go into effect for 90 days, as of yesterday evening. Travelers from six majority-muslim countries, none of whose citizens have committed terrorist acts on United States soil, must now document “bona fide relationships” with U.S. persons, companies, or institutions in order to travel to the USA.

The Trump administration has issued directives defining “bona fide relationships,” and the weirdest ones involve families of of U.S. citizens and legal residents. Some relatives may travel to the USA: Spouses, children and stepchildren, siblings and stepsiblings, parents and step-parents, father-in-laws and mother-in-laws, fiancées and fiancés. Who may not travel: Grandparents, grandchildren, sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws, uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews, or cousins.

This is a pretty strange definition of “family” by any standards. Remember, little Donnie Trump grew up across the street from his own immigrant grandmother in Queens, NY.

Update:

At the last moment, fiancées/fiancés were added to the good-to-go list, perhaps after lobbying from the mail order bride industry or because the president likes to marry foreign models?), and text above has been updated. But how can these relationships be documented? The Bridal Registry at Crate & Barrel? Engagement ring receipts from Kay Jewelers?

More:

“Stepsister, Yes; Grandma, No: U.S. Sets Guidelines for Revised Travel Ban,” Gardiner Harris and Ron Nixon, New York Times

“Travel ban’s ‘bona fide relationship’ test could open legal floodgates,” Lauren Pearle and Connor Finnegan, ABC News

“The Supreme Court Partially Allowed Trump’s Travel Ban. Who Is Still Barred?” Alicia Parlapiano and Anjali Singhvi, New York Times

“The travel ban going into effect would have saved zero lives from terrorist attacks in the last 20 years,” Philip Bump, Washington Post

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Image: If Granny Clampett is Muslim, she can kiss Beverly Hills goodbye.

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Naughty Scanners Banned at Airports

Many air travelers have been concerned about airport scanning machines. Not about radiation the gizmos might emit, but because they think that TSA personnel can see them naked. As if anyone would want to see them naked.

Apparently TSA can’t fight this fear, so it’s removing those “invasive,” “naked image” scanners and replacing them with less “explicit” models. The whole scanner charade is “security theater,” anyway. The only reason airports have those things is because TSA is part of Homeland Security and that agency’s ex-boss shills for a scanner company.

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Image (“Leonardo’s Scanner”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here.Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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A Dangerous Instrument in the Wrong Hands

Suspicious Package in Columbia, Maryland:

“The area around the building was cordoned off with yellow police tape. Just outside the perimeter were police cars, an emergency services command truck, and fire and rescue trucks. ‘We send out equipment based on a worst-case scenario,’ said Assistant Fire Chief Joe Dixon.”

“More than two hours. More than 30 police, fire and rescue workers. And more than enough police cars and big trucks to widen the eyes of three dozen youngsters in day care, all to investigate a suspicious package that turned out to be … an accordion.”

— “Suspicious package in Columbia turns out to be an accordion,” Jessica Anderson and Andrea F. Siegel, Baltimore Sun

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Image ( “Accordion Squad!” magazine) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Crimebusters! DHS Science and Technology Directorate

James Bond has Q Branch, but the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has S&T, the Science and Technology Directorate. Of course, there’s more to this tech alphabet, R&D and HSSAI:

“… S&T maintains a team of futurists in Arlington, Va., at the Homeland Security Studies & Analysis Institute (HSSAI). There, in the Resilience and Emergency Preparedness / Response Branch, analysts explore the art of the possible, helping DHS shape dreams into a lucid, viable vision. ‘Revolutionary ways of working are often invented because visionaries saw a need and a novel way to meet it,’ said Deputy Director Bob Tuohy, who is an admitted sci-fi enthusiast.”

More:

“At Homeland Security’s think tank, first responders imagine a high-tech future,” Press Release

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Image (“Crimebuster Foiled, after Chester Gould”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Tweets of Terror

“Imagine you’re a human rights activist working for an NGO in Sri Lanka. After a hard day’s work in a humid office building, you walk into your apartment, fire up your laptop and fire off the following tweet:

 ‘Holding workshop with @LTTE and Sri Lankan govt. about easing roadblocks for medical supplies to be trucked in. Conf. going well, God-willing.’

 Congratulations, you’re now a terrorist.”

— “Terror Tweets,” John Winn, OhMyGov!

Washington, City of Bollards

“It used to be that D.C. architecture consisted of graceful Georgetown mansions, neoclassical federal buildings — and, of course, the monuments. When the U.S. Commission of Fine Arts was founded in 1910 to guide Washington’s architectural development, it reviewed designs such as those of the Lincoln Memorial and the Federal Triangle. Over the seven years I’ve served on the commission, however, an increasing amount of time is spent discussing security-improvement projects: screening facilities, hardened gatehouses, Delta barriers, perimeter fences, and seemingly endless rows of bollards. We used to mock an earlier generation that peppered the U.S. capital with Civil War generals on horseback; now I wonder what future generations will make of our architectural legacy of crash-resistant walls and blast-proof glass.”

— Wittold Rybczynski, Meyerson professor of urbanism at the University of Pennsylvania. Read more:

“The Blast-Proof City,” Wittold Rybczynski, Foreign Policy

“I Came, Eyesore, I Conquered,” Witold Rybczynski, Slate

Short link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-b6L

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Zombie Attacks Spread to UK

The global Zombie Menace has spread to Britain. The central English city of Leicester was invaded by lurching hordes of the Undead on Saturday and, despite ample warnings and suggested countermeasures, city authorities were completely unprepared.

How are things in your town?

Image (“ZRV: Zombie Response Vehicle”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

(Note to British homeland defense forces: the ZRV is available in right-hand drive)

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