Archive for the ‘food’ Category

Thanksgiving Greetings from William S. Burroughs

November 24, 2016

Thanksgiving Greetings from William S. Burroughs
A holiday poem from Williams S. Burroughs: “Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons …”

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Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

November 24, 2016

Turkey Carving Tips for Real Guys

Oh no! Despite reading Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys you have a great big, fully cooked, deep-fried Thanksgiving turkey on your hands. You examine it minutely and discover there’s no little red zip tab to open so you can take out slices. What now?

That’s some big old avian cadaver you got there, buddy. There’s only one manly way to divvy it up. That’s right: chainsaw.

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Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys

November 23, 2016

Turkey Torching Tips for Real Guys

The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio. Yeah, buddy!

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers can help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry us some turkey. Here’s how:

1. Put Fire Department on Speed-Dial. Keep your cell phone in your welding apron pocket. It is unwise to enter a flaming residence to use the telephone.

2. Purchase more equipment. You can never have enough Real Guy outdoor cooking gear. Buy some new stuff at Home Depot first. Forget about those electronic gizmos from Leading Edge, you can never read their LCD screens outdoors anyway. Williams-Sonoma? Isn’t that the California wine the wife likes?

3. Don’t forget the turkey. It should be big enough to bother messing with. Double-check to make sure you are not buying a goat or lamb.

4. Check interior compartment of poultry (note: light does not go on automatically; use your Maglite). Any paper-wrapped parcels inside will not contain Surprise Creme Filling. Remove; give to wife or cat. If the bird is frozen, use your Benz-0-Matic torch judiciously or the meat will be dry. At this point you may marinate the turkey in any fluid mixture as long as it contains beer.

5. Equipment check list. This will vary but should definitely include safety equipment (welding apron, Kevlar™ gloves, safety glasses, fire extinguisher, cell phone, well-stocked beer cooler or full beer keg with ice), fire ignition tools (lighting chimney, matches, butane torch,  highway flares, flamethrower, etc.), food manipulating tools (tongs, skewers, forks, knives, pneumatic jack), cooking implements (meat thermometer, meat hygrometer, count-down timer, 55-gallon deep-fry container, perforated deep-fry container insert with turkey stand and handle, caulking gun for stuffing insertion, brushes, sprayguns, and hypodermic needles for applying sauce, tattoo gun for decorations, crane), deep-fry medium (vegetable oil is better than animal fat; Marvel Mystery Oil is not recommended), sauces, rubs, marinades, condiments, spices, and essential vegetables (potato salad, cole slaw, ketchup). Anything missing? See Step #2. Got everything? Cheers! Begin beer consumption.

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Pizza, a Thanksgiving Tradition

November 22, 2016

Pizza, a Thanksgiving Tradition

Fun Food Fact: The day before Thanksgiving is one of the busiest days for take-out pizza, right up there with Super Bowl Sunday.

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Image (“First Fun Thanksgiving, after J.L.G. Ferris [detail]“) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Sugar Snap Peas

September 26, 2016

Sugar Snap Peas

On February 25th, First Lady Michelle Obama visited the FoodPrints class at Watkins School on Capitol Hill, and brought some seeds from the White House Kitchen Garden for the school’s Edible Schoolyard garden.

What does the school’s garden look like this season?

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Brits Are Eating Bambi!

September 20, 2016

Brits Are Eating Bambi!
British diners are eating venison faster than Scotland can raise it. Maybe they’d like to nibble on some of the fresh whitetail deer roadkill from America’s annual vehicular deer harvest.

More:

“Brits are eating venison faster than Scotland can produce it,” Chris Baraniuk, Quartz

“Diners game for wild meat as ‘Bambi effect’ fades, says chef,” Rod Kitson, Evening Standard

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Image (“Brits Are Eating Bambi, apres l’atelier Disney”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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¿Taco Trucks? ¡Sí, por favor!

September 6, 2016

¿Taco Trucks? ¡Sí, por favor!

“My culture is a very dominant culture. It’s imposing and it’s causing problems. If you don’t do something about it, you’re going to have taco trucks on every corner.” — Marco Gutierrez, Latinos for Trump.

Marco Gutierrez’s parents were among the unauthorized immigrants who received amnesty in 1986 during the Reagan administration.

Phillip Bump of the Washington Post ran the numbers for one taco truck at each intersection in the USA.  3.2 million taco trucks x 3 employees per truck = 9.6 million new taco truck jobs, and a need for more mechanics, gas station workers and mechanics, agricultural, food supplier and warehouse workers, and food truck management services. An estimate puts the total employment figure at 63 million new jobs. “We’d likely need to increase immigration levels just to meet the demand.”

“And the tacos are made in America”, observes Steve Lopez of the LA Times, “unlike some of the clothing sold under Trump’s name.”

In Denver, Democrats have parked a taco truck outside a Trump campaign office. The truck serves tacos, burritos, and voter registration forms.

More:

“The national economic implications of a taco truck on every corner,” Phillip Bump, Washington Post

“So what exactly could be wrong with having taco trucks on every corner?” Steve Lopez, Los Angeles Times

“Democrats Troll Donald Trump With a Taco Truck in Colorado,” Sam Frizell, TIME

“Taco Truck Owner Racks Up Sales At Trump Event In Detroit,” Bill Chappell, NPR

Twitter: #TacoTrucksOnEveryCorner

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Government Cheese

August 25, 2016

Government Cheese

There’s a cheese glut in America. Cheese inventories are higher than they’re been in over 30 years, while families go hungry. Even a third of those on food stamps need to visit food banks.

The USDA is trying for a twofer by buying $20 million in surplus cheese — 11 million pounds — and distributing it to food banks. While you might question the wisdom of paying tax dollars to support corporate dairy operations, surely no one can object to the government helping food banks feed the hungry, right?

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New York Plagued by Ice Cream Rustlers

August 16, 2016

New York Plagued by Ice Cream Rustlers
New York City was once known as “A Summer Festival” but this year, with Climate Change, the the Big Apple’s summer is big, hot, sweaty mess. And now there are ice cream thieves.

Shoplifting swarms have been emptying retail freezers at Manhattan CVS, Duane Reade, and Gristedes chain stores. Thieves steal the $6.00 containers of Häagen-Dazs, Ben and Jerry’s, and Talenti ice cream and sell them cheaply to corner stores, which retail them for $5.00.

Things are so bad this summer that John Catsimatidis, billionaire owner of the Gristedes grocery chain, is offering a $5,000 bounty for the arrest of ice cream rustlers. So get your posse together, ride them varmints down, and get the reward. Quick, before it melts.

More:

“Ice cream bandits are wreaking havoc on NYC supermarkets,” Reuven Fenton and Linda Massarella, New York Post

“So Maybe Don’t Buy Ice Cream At A Bodega,” Nell Casey,  Gothamist

Update:

“Stolen, Sold and Savored: Ice Cream Is a Hot Commodity in Manhattan,” Michael Wilson, New York Times

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Image (“Lady With an Ice Cream Sundae, after d’Agesci”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Trump Explains His Agricultural Policy

August 3, 2016

Republican Presidential Candidate Donald J. Trump first outlined his agricultural policy at the 2005 Emmy Awards in the Shrine Auditorium, Los Angeles, California.

Related:

“A Donald Trump presidency could lead to food shortages in the US,” Deena Shanker, Quartz

“Farmers: Trump ‘terrible for agriculture,'” Bill Tomson, Politico

“Here Is the Mysterious High Roller Donald Trump Wants to Put in Charge of Our Food,” Tom Philpott, Mother Jones

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Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.