Urban terrorists strike again. After causing the collapse of the Interstate 35W Bridge in the Minneapolis heartland, they now threaten that cherished symbol of American greatness, the NFL.
Is nothing sacred to these feathered fiends?
At Paul Brown Stadium, home of the Cincinnati Bengals, they have had enough. Enough pigeon poop falling on fans and in their beverages and snacks. They are ready for the Shotgun Pass, as in “pass me that shotgun.” The Bengals are ready to deal in lead.
There have been protests from Ohio PETA chapters and fans of the rival Cleveland Browns, but hundreds of gun-wielding Bengals fans have volunteered for pigeon patrol.
Bengals officials have not responded to my suggestion that the pigeon hunt be televised live on the Outdoor Channel.
Football, feathers, and firearms. Is this a great country, or what?
Wanted poster by Mike Licht and his foul-feathered friends.