Circus Puts Pachyderms Out to Pasture

Asian elephants have been imported to the USA for exhibit as curiosities since 1794, and menageries soon became part of American entertainment. Starting in the mid-nineteenth century, elephants were paraded from train yards to show sites, publicizing the traveling circus’ arrival in each city and town, and performing elephants became essential to circus entertainment.

Now Feld Entertainment has announced that the Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus will phase out elephant acts by 2018. The remaining pachyderm performers will retire to Florida, to the Shalom Sunset Leisure Community the Center for Elephant Conservation in Polk City.

Galloping Terror

Two Colombian soldiers were wounded last week when FARC guerrillas set off a bomb planted on a horse. There are no reports on the condition of the horse; we presume it is carne de hamburguesa.

The Horse Bomb is a new addition to the terrorist stable. It is unknown if the unfortunate animal was an Arabian, which of course would implicate Al-Qaeda.

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Beef Peepers!

A severe  homeland security threat endangers rural America: farm animal video stalkers. A bill introduced in the Iowa State Legislature by Representative Annette Sweeney would forbid taking videos of animals on farms or in abattoirs without permission of the property owners. Getting busted for a first video would be an aggravated misdemeanor; sequels would be Class “D” felonies.

Not to be outdone, Florida State Senator Jim Norman introduced a bill that would make it a first-degree felony to photograph a farm or domestic animal facility without written permission from the owner. No photos from the road, either, just like at any other high-security area. Senator Norman has predictably earned the scorn of reporters, photographers and treehuggers; even right-wing militia members pronounced him a “jackass” and Drovers CattleNetwork observed “When Cameras are Outlawed ….”

Michael Vick Signed to NFL; Howling Controversy

Ex-Convict quarterback Michael Vick, fresh from his prison sentence for dog fighting and animal cruelty, was scooped up by Philadelphia’s NFL team. He appeared on the CBS 60 Minutes program yesterday, in the “Celebrity Contrition” feature usually reserved for adulterer politicians and film star drug addicts.

Philadephia quarterback Donovan McNabb hounded his team to hire Mr. Vick, knowing the press would dog his every step and leave other players in peace. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell ruled that Mr. Vick would have to stay on the sidelines and sit out the first part of the season before rolling over into official play. He is undergoing obedience training under Philadelphia Offensive Coordinator Cesar Millan Marty Mornhinweg, public service training with the Humane Society,  and sensitivity training with Triumph, the comedy dog.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Michael Vick — Victim or Violence-Fighter?

Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, now a free agent after release from federal prison, may be eligible for an NFL contract. Reports, citing unnamed sources, say NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell may force any club hiring Mr. Vick to make him sit out the first four games of the 2009 season.

Some football fans see this as unnecessary roughness, even “double jeapardy,” additional punishment for a man who has served his time and literally paid the price for his role in a dog-fighting ring. On the other hand, many of America’s 60 million dog owners will never forgive Mr. Vick for his role in a cruel and illegal blood sport.

But Commissioner Goodell’s decision may be more a matter of timing than punishment. Mr. Vick is scheduled to start a public service campaign for the Humane Society of the United States next week, and the NFL season starts September 10th. A final decision about putting Mr. Vick  on the field could be postponed until October, enough time for his HSUS campaign to show if it has real bite. The NFL — and team owners — would be wise to see how the public reacts to the sports star’s anti-dogfighting activities before putting him back on the field.

 

Image by Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Flu Fear Mongering

 

Each year, a billion people in the world get the flu, 3 to 5 million get severely ill from it, and 300,000 to 500,000 die. In the United States, a typical year sees 25 to 50 million flu cases, 150,000 flu patients hospitalized, and 30,000 to 40,000 flu-related deaths. Total U.S. H1N1 (“Swine Flu”) cases to date: 100.

Flu prospects this year look fairly typical so far. What is different is the media and information environment.

It’s not just the capacity of Twitter and blogs to spread and sustain rumor. The weakened economic condition of the mainstream media makes them susceptible to the infection of fear-mongering. Television is most vulnerable, since only the old and sick watch it these days, as all those commercials for pharmaceutical, OTC drug, and eldercare products clearly indicate.

Superbowl Veg-Out

This Sunday we the people will remain faithful to the ideals of our forebears and true to our Tostitos. On that day we plant ourselves like torpid tubers on every upholstered surface of our land because we have chosen hope and beer over fear, unity of purpose and bean dip over conflict and discord.

This year we spectate amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. The challenges we face are real. The Steelers? Sure. But Arizona? St. Louis in exile? Puh-leez. What’s up with that? Perhaps Nobel laureate Al Gore can explain it; not us.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of sports handicappers. Sunday’s point spread was clearly devised by AIG, Citibank, and Bernard Madoff.