Dr. Carson Declares His Campaign Dead

Dr. Carson Declares His Campaign Dead

“I do not see a political path forward in light of last evening’s Super Tuesday primary results,” said Dr. Ben Carson, retired neurosurgeon and comatose Republican presidential contender on Wednesday. He had already decided to skip Thursday’s GOP debate in Detroit since no one noticed that he attended last week’s debate in Houston.

The political pathologists of the press haven’t completed the autopsy, but it appears the Carson campaign died of neglect. In lieu of flowers, send condolences to the campaign donors.

More:

“Ben Carson to end presidential campaign,” Kyle Cheney, Politico

“Ben Carson Can’t Even Drop Out of Presidential Races Correctly,” Tina Nguyen, Vanity Fair

“The brief high and many lows of Ben Carson’s presidential campaign,” Janell Ross, Washington Post

“The Closing Chapter of Ben Carson’s Campaign,” Jim Geraghty, National Review

“Republicans Liked Ben Carson To The End (But Not Enough To Vote For Him),” Harry Enten and Carl Bialik, Vox

“Ben Carson’s 13 most bizarre campaign moments,” Emily Cahn, Mashable

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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