Plaxico Penalty: Prison

Plaxico Penalty: Prison

Plaxico Burress caught the winning pass in Super Bowl XLII, but yesterday the former NFL star caught a prison sentence for short yardage, 2 years. He could have spent 36 years in a New York prison, but pleaded guilty to the get the shorter term. Prison time is compulsory for New York City gun crimes.

Mr. Burress, a former NY Giants receiver, fumbled an unregistered handgun stuck in his sweatpants and it fired, hitting him in the leg and scaring the bejesus out of other patrons in a Manhattan nightclub. Clubbing in sweatpants? We suggest adding an additional 6 months to his sentence for dress code violations.

Known for cutting NFL practice sessions, Mr. Burress has been in training for prison. He hired a “prison coach” to teach him the fundamentals of incarceration.

The former football star bid a tearful tabloid farewell to his three-year-old son and pregnant lawyer wife before his transfer to the Prison League. That’s right. Mr. Burress shared his gracious New Jersey home with unregistered weapons and an attorney.

The situation has had repercussions far beyond the Burress household, the slammer, and the sports stadium. Firearms dealers quickly issued Plaxico Burress Commemorative handguns, and New York City now requires warning labels in sweatpants.


Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht,
Sports fans! Collect the whole set — here, here, and here.

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