Entertainer Paula Abdul has been named to the Death Panel mandated under the new U.S. Healthcare Reform bill. We have been unable to confirm either of the facts in that last sentence, but that hasn’t stopped anyone else from making statements on the healthcare reform issue, either, so we’re going with it.
“Ms. Abdul is the perfect choice for this job,” said an unidentified government source. “She is leaving her prior post on the American Idol panel at considerable sacrifice due to her strong personal commitment to public service.”
According to the well-known medico-legal authority Mrs. Sarah Palin of Wasilla, Alaska, the Obama Death Panel will decide how she will next exploit her own family for the sake of publicity which “special needs” children and senior citizens will live or die. This will lower medical bills for surviving Americans. Cast members of “Survivor” were unavailable for comment.
Looking through the legislation, however, we find no “Death Panel.” All we find is conventional language allowing patients to voluntarily decide on Advance Care options while they are well, and to discuss this matter with their own physicians if they wish. The only change is that Medicare would cover the costs of this counseling. Advanced Care Directives (Living Wills, Medical Power of Attorney) are legal in every state and the District of Columbia, but this can be made to sound really creepy by non-medical people of ill will.
Why would anybody confuse and distract public discussion with talk of nonexistent “Death Panels” and delay implementation of health system reform? You’ll have to discuss that with the controller of your own medical care, your health insurance company.
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