Avian Aliens Down Jet

Invaders  from the North brought down US Airways Flight 1549, say investigators. The Airbus A320 aircraft, safely landed in the Huson River by Captain Chesney Sullenberger, was attacked by migratory elements of a Branta canadensis contingent that crossed the border from Canada.

Scientists analyzed samples of feathers and  pâté snarge the divebombers left in the aircraft engines, and DNA evidence indicates that the terrorist cell originated in Labrador or Newfoundland. Many theorists had posited a conspiracy of alien squatters, as millions of Canada geese have illegally settled permanently in the United States. When the attackers were identified as migratory foreigners, a great honk of relief emanated from America’s golf courses and cemeteries.

The news also recieved much attention in the Canadian media:

Toronto Star: “Canada geese blamed for US Airways splashdown: Scientists say feathers taken from airliner’s engine show geese flying from Labrador caused Hudson River plunge.”

The Globe and Mail: “Geese from Newfoundland blamed for crash-landing in Hudson.”

Winnipeg Sun: Canada geese blamed for Hudson plane crash.

Canadian interest is not limited to those seeking compensation for the dead raiders or fearing U.S. retaliation. Half of Canada’s major airports have experienced bird strikes or avian attack attempts. Canada Goose terrorism has come home to roost.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Tags: Canada, Flight 1549, geese, humor, Sullenberger