Giuliani Golf Joke Tour

Giuliani Golf Joke Tour

Former Duke “Blue Devil” Golf Team member Andrew Giuliani is making headlines this week — not as a pro golfer, but for helping Federal Judge Wallace W. Dixon launch a second career in standup comedy. Mr. Giuliani is the son of former New York mayor and failed Republican presidential candidate Rudolph “9-11” Giuliani and one of his former wives, newscaster-actress Donna Hanover.

Andrew Giuliani was thrown off the Duke University golf team for being a bad sport and a bad golfer. Naturally he sued the university and golf coach for breach of contract; what spoiled brat wouldn’t? Duke just awarded young Mr. Giuliani his degree; he filed Civil Action No. 1:08—cv—00502 in Federal District Court and turned pro (after a fashion).

The result of the legal action: a star is born. Not Mr. Giuliani but Judge Dixon, whose opinion on the case delighted duffers and editors alike, making hilarious headlines:

NY Daily News: “Judge laughs off Andrew Giuliani’s bid to sue Duke University for kicking him off its golf team.”

Associated Press: “Judge: Giuliani golf lawsuit slices off course.”

New York Magazine: “Andrew Giuliani Golf Suit Shanks.”

Minneapolis Star-Tribune: “Federal judge says Andrew Giuliani golf lawsuit against Duke lands off the fairway.”

 

Excerpts from Judge Dixon’s comedy act opinion:

“Plaintiff attempts to take a mulligan with this argument; however, this shot also lands in the drink.”

“His analysis … slices far from the fairway.”

“Plaintiff also shanks this claim.”

“This attempt to change arguments between the complaint and the brief is like trying to change clubs after hitting the golfball ….”

“Ross [Ross v. Creighton Univ., 957 F.2d 410 (7th Cir. 1992)] serves as a putter, however, where Plaintiff needs a sand wedge to get out of the hazard.”

“Plaintiff’s promissory estoppel claim … brings to mind Carl Spackler ’s analysis from the movie CADDYSHACK (Orion Pictures 1980): ‘He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think.’”

Andrew Giuliani is scoring better as a golfer than in court, but not by much.  He’s on the bush league Gateway Tour, not the major league PGA. Ranked #44 among 2009 Gateway golfers, he earned $4,000 in his first three months. His attorney Robert C. Ekstrand probably earned more than that for a day’s work on this absurd lawsuit, and understandably looks forward to another round.

 

Image by Mike Licht.

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

One Response to “Giuliani Golf Joke Tour”

  1. Andrew Giuliani, Golf Terrorist? « NotionsCapital Says:

    […] [Note: See the update, Giuliani Golf Joke Tour.] […]

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