Masked Raiders Infiltrate White House

Masked Raiders Infiltrate White House

They came by night.

A small band of masked intruders has broken into the secure White House grounds and has evaded capture by agents of the new Obama administration, officials said today.

The National Park Service is in pursuit of one very large raccoon and several medium-sized raccoons, who have been spotted roaming the grounds around the Executive Mansion and the West Wing, a spokesman said. — “Raccoons Invade White House Grounds,” Michael D. Shear, Washington Post

The squad is believed to be from the notorious terrorist group Procyon lotor. Intelligence records indicate that the raiders have excellent night vision, are strong swimmers, run as fast as 15 miles per hour, and can drop 35 to 40 feet without harm. No wonder they were able to penetrate the sealed perimeter of the White House grounds.

We trust that these mysterious malefactors will be captured soon. While NotionsCapital approves of President Obama’s Executive Order “Ensuring Lawful Interrogations,” we hope the raiders receive a thorough grilling.


Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht,

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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3 Responses to “Masked Raiders Infiltrate White House”

  1. mikeb302000 Says:

    That’s the best laugh I’ve had all day. Thanks

  2. Jim K Says:

    That is the same gang that we caught burglarizing our house – – They were making off with all the catfood they could eat – – Our fault – -Procedures weren’t followed and after an investigation, it was found that the sliding doors in the dining area off the kitchen were left slightly open – –

  3. BigWV Says:


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