Death rays are blasting satellite radio! Whole channels have been vaporized!
Beyond Jazz (fusion and acid jazz): Zapped! Fine Tuning (free-form eclectic): Space dust! Vox (choral works, vocal classics): Silent! Come in Robert Aubrey Davis! Do you copy? Davis, do you copy?
A report by Marc Fisher of groundstation WaPo seems to indicate that Outer Space broadcasting makes science fiction into radio reality. The recent XM-Sirius merger pledged the two systems to maintain separate progamming for another 15 years, but the act of merging the systems in the vacuum of Space must have triggered unforseen, pulp-fiction consequences in the fourth dimension, Time.
To listeners on Earth, it seems that only a few months have elapsed since Sirius and XM Radio merged, but 15 years have passed in Outer Space! What else could explain this strange, channel-eating phenomenon?
Holy Einstein! Have those XM channels slipped into some Black Hole? Houston, we have a problem. Where are Cinemagic (movie soundtracks) and Chrome (70s and 80s dance tunes)?
But wait. Let us remember Occam’s Norelco Razor and seek a simpler solution in our Floating Heads. Hmmm . . . . If we interpret events through Classical Physics instead of Relativity, this may be a simple case of Newton’s Second Law of Signed Contracts: “That was then; this is now.”
This alternative hypothesis may be confirmed though simple laboratory tests. Producers and DJs fired from the merged channels can hang up the merger contract, throw lawyers at it, and see if any of them stick.