Houses of Congress Seek Re-Fi

Houses of Congress Seek Re-Fi

Congress will continue working on solving America’s housing meltdown until something else distracts it. Draft legislation contains cash for beleaguered homeowners, but they aren’t rich enough to get Bear Stearns money, so most of them will get enough for Happy Meals or bus fare (but not both). Now that economic crisis is inevitable, we hear rumors that Congress will also require “Best Practices” like warning labels (above). as if they could prevent future catastrophes.

According to another rumor, Congress may require warning language on all Real Estate Purchase Agreements, Contracts for Deeds, and mortgage documents, language adapted from caveats used by the Intergalactic Swaps, Derivatives, Commodities, Securitization, and Texas Hold ‘Em Association:

Consumer Notice:

Everyone but you will be paid as soon as you sign these papers. Past access to these individuals is no predictor of future concern for you.

You may sell this house for more than you are paying for it; you may not.

If you must sell this house for less than you paid for it, consider the use value (non-owners call it “rent”) you have derived from living in it. Decent hotel rooms cost lots more.

 Warnings will be printed in the standard 6-point legal warning type.

Image (and rumors) by Mike Licht. Download image copy here. Creative Commons license. Credit: Mike Licht.

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