Aliens Emerge from Giant UFO!

Cruising at 3,000 mph, the gargantuan spaceship zoomed out of the Texas sky, landed, and disgorged occupants who are clearly Not of This Earth.

Wait. That’s not Texas, that’s the Big Apple, Noo friggin’ Yawk. The creature on the left is definitely an alien, though: he’s British, that Branson guy. The humanoid with him is Burt Rutan, who designed the spaceship pictured behind them. Wasn’t there a movie, “Rutan Meets Godzilla”?

The visionary Sir Richard Branson is not frittering away his fortune squandering medical care and education on the world’s poor children (the losers) like that wastrel Sir Bill Gates. Sir Richard is generously Serving All Mankind by building intergalactic tourist buses (“We stop at the Hot Shoppe on Mars for just 10 minutes, people; if you’re not here we leave for Alpha Centauri without you!”).

This pseudo-scientific pseudo-event was pimped by – I mean held at New York’s Museum of Natural History. Museum Board: I bet your mothers are so proud.

This endeavor by private space cadets should motivate that wasteful NASA bureaucracy to stop diverting taxpayer money to that boring “research” stuff and return to its original mission of Death-Defying Human Stunts in Space. NASA: if you want “research,” do it economically, like they do at the White House: make it up.

To find out more about the Virgin Intergalactic Scenicruiser got to the web site or see your travel agent. This project is so important that Governor Bill Richard ended his promising presidential run just to prepare a secure base for it at New Mexico’s Spaceport America.

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