Shocking Midwestern Terror Attacks

Shocking Midwestern Terror Attacks

Terrorist squirrels attacked the vulnerable infrastructure of Wisconsin and Michigan Monday. Electrical transmission lines and transformer stations, the soft underbelly of America’s power grid, were the targets of the furious furry fighters.

According to Xcel Energy, a squirrel came in contact with an overhead transformer in Ashland, WI. The suicide attack knocked out power service to 177 innocent, unsuspecting households.

Simultaneously, another squirrel squad attacked Ironwood, MI, a mere 40 miles away, denying service to 1,400 helpless American households.


Authorities did not reveal which of the five Midwestern squirrel species were involved in these shocking assaults. Either the Department of Homeland Security suppressed the information or officials were too polite to speak with mouths full of roasted squirrel.


Image by Mike Licht. Perpetrators not drawn to scale at request of Homeland Security officials.

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4 Responses to “Shocking Midwestern Terror Attacks”

  1. Daniel C Says:

    Haha very creative!

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