Winter in Acapulco for DC Citizens – Free!

Free Acapulco vacations this winter for everyone in Washington, DC!

Here’s my plan:

Citizens of the District of Columbia pay taxes but, due to a little Constitutional faux pas, a tiny 200-year-old gaffe, they aren’t represented in Congress.

Let’s intensify our constant pestering about this teeny little oversight and quote the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, Federalist Papers and other tiresome anachronisms until we finally annoy enough really powerful people so much they finally make Congress “retrocede” Washington to another state to give DC citizens Congressmen and Senators with votes and get us to shut up.

Unlike recent proposals imposing DC on Maryland, though, let’s force Congress to follow strict historical precedent and stick Washington onto the Old Dominion, the Commonwealth of Virginia.

Horrified, the Virginia General Assembly will immediately declare all DC citizens Official Aliens.

As everybody in Virginia knows, all aliens come from Mexico. Well, okay, some come from outer space and mutilate cattle but that’s another matter.

Virginians – Real Virginians, not Macacas or anything – want all aliens sent back to Mexico at once, or just as soon as they finish building the new back deck. Who needs court rulings or anything? The sudden explosion of DC “aliens” will allow Virginia to get really cheap group fares on Jet Blue and give all aliens, including those from DC, one-way tickets from Dulles to Mexico. Virginia counties will even stop quibbling and build the Dulles Metrorail overnight just to get us to the airport.

So Washingtonians will winter in Acapulco for free. Note to merchants in the State of Guerrero: DC folk really like their margaritas. Start stockpiling extra tequila now. 

Image by Mike Licht. That’s what we call el desayuno de campeones in DC.