Caution -- Alphabet blocks; not for alphabet soup

The Chairman of the District of Columbia Council, the Honorable Vincent Gray, is proposing universal “pre-kindergarten” or pre-school for Washington’s youngsters, a move I heartily endorse.

Pre-school allows young children to share the joys and diseases of childhood and learn social skills such as cooperation and eye-gouging, valuable preparation for grade school, employment and citizenship. Pre-schools allow women the freedom to work outside the home, fulfilling themselves professionally while contributing to the care and upkeep of our cherished mortgage lending institutions.

Some people have doubts about pre-school. They think young children should be tended by Stay-at-Home Moms. Most who think this are Go-to-Work Dads. Split a six-pack with a Stay-at-Home Mom and she’ll tell you that childcare duties seriously degrade the quality of her daytime television experience. She would like the option to stay at home and let her kids play, learn and throw up with other tots, at least until after Oprah.

Personally, I support the concept of public preschool. Compulsory pre-school. Military pre-school. Allow me to present:

Mike's Preschool Proposal

Battle-hardened veterans teach your toddler:

Kiddie Klose Order DrillTM

Able, Baker, Charlie: Alphabet the Army Way (and no sissy Muppets)

“Radio Silence” – “Time-Out” plus

Dinky-Toy Drill Team

Sandbox Trench Warfare

Tai Kwon Play-Dough

Alphabet Block Defensive Engineering

10-Mile Forced March of the Toy Soldiers (a Winter Holiday Tradition)

Personalized camouflage-pattern Oshkosh overalls

George S. Patton Preschool. Because it’s never too early to prepare kids for VMI.

Images by Mike Licht. As you were. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em (candy cigarettes).   Cultural Commons license

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