Full Court Press Conference

The new Supreme Court session begins today, the first Monday in October. The Roberts Court is expected to be more conservative than the Berger, Warren, or Torquemada Courts. 

Although the Court declined to hear many cases, ruling they might conflict with good tee times at Chevy Chase County Club, the docket includes several cases that might not induce mass narcolepsy. These include the legal rights of any surviving Guantanamo detainees, whether HMOs must pay for lethal injections, photo identification cards for voters, cases about child pornography and crack cocaine dealers, and the never-ending investors’ struggle to blame someone else for their own big-time losses.  

Legal authorities close to the Court believe it will decide that requiring voters to show a photo ID is not an undue burden. After all, if you don’t have a photo ID of your own you can always have your chauffeur show one. Some protesters outside the court even have photo IDs of themselves as embryos. 

Attorneys for large investors think they can obtain favorable rulings worth billions while the public and media are busy gawking and squawking about cases involving child pornography and crack cocaine dealers. Reporters had hoped the child pornography and crack cocaine dealers were in the same case, but they are not. That won’t keep reporters from writing “child pornography and crack cocaine dealers” in the same sentence, though. Often. 

There is less consensus about other cases. Although Justice Kennedy has been regarded as the “swing vote” in the past, Justice Thomas may be more understanding if his new book sells well. Then again, Justice Thomas may have leaked this rumor to get lawyers to think about starting their Christmas shopping early this year. 

There is no indication that any Justices will pass away before the end of the Court term, but rich Republicans are reportedly volunteering to buy lots of drinks for the older, more liberal judges before the end of President Bush’s tenure.

Image of Their August Magestic Robed Personages by Mike Licht.

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