Football: The Inside Poop

Feed them and you are helping the terrorists

Urban terrorists strike again. After causing the collapse of the Interstate 35W Bridge in the Minneapolis heartland, they now threaten that cherished symbol of American greatness, the NFL.

Is nothing sacred to these feathered fiends? 

At Paul Brown Stadium, home of the Cincinnati Bengals, they have had enough. Enough pigeon poop falling on fans and in their beverages and snacks. They are ready for the Shotgun Pass, as in “pass me that shotgun.” The Bengals are ready to deal in lead.

There have been protests from Ohio PETA chapters and fans of the rival Cleveland Browns, but hundreds of gun-wielding Bengals fans have volunteered for pigeon patrol.

Bengals officials have not responded to my suggestion that the pigeon hunt be televised live on the Outdoor Channel.

Football, feathers, and firearms. Is this a great country, or what?

 Wanted poster by Mike Licht and his foul-feathered friends.

3 Responses to “Football: The Inside Poop”

  1. Fearless, Faithful, and Feathered « NotionsCapital Says:

    […] um, feathered rodents and sort of blaming them for destroying our country’s steel bridges and sports stadiums and advocating pigeon birth control. I was preparing to describe their role as disease vectors for […]

  2. Passing Shots at Wimbledon « NotionsCapital Says:

    […] of 8 million New Yorkers would certainly favor assassinating feral pigeons. Managers of American sports venues are no doubt jealous of the British pigeon […]

  3. Pigeon Protectors « NotionsCapital Says:

    […] “Rats with Feathers”( Passing Shots at Wimbledon, Pigeon Birth Control. Wedge Issue?, Football: The Inside Poop, Bridge Saboteurs Identified). Okay, more than “occasionally.” On the other hand, we […]

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