Texas Congressman Sees Another Conspiracy

The Honorable The congressman representing the First District of Texas, Rep. Louie Gohmert, the hero who saved the Republic from The Attack of the Terrorist Babies, has found a new covert menace:

“… this administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”

– “Tea Party Congressman: Muslim Brotherhood Is Guiding Obama In Boston Bombings Investigation,” Igor Volsky, Think Progress

But just how many Muslim Brotherhood members have infiltrated the Obama administration, anyway?

Romney Remaindered

CPAC is under way, the Conservative Political Action Conference, an annual carnival of costume-wearing Tea Party loons, gun-waving paranoids, anarchists libertarians, and bombastic demagogues conservative intellectuals. Last year, when Willard Mitt Romney was running for president, he told CPAC that he was “severely conservative.” This year CPAC is telling Mr. Romney that he’s a severe loser. He will be delivering his first public speech since the election, but CPAC scheduled him at a marginal Friday session. Even Sarah Palin and Donald Trump are getting better slots.

But which is more irrelevant, Mitt Romney or CPAC?

Palin Kicked Off Fox News

Sarah Palin, former part-time Temp-Governor of Alaska, has ended her relationship with Fox News. Mrs. Palin impersonated a political commentator on the cable news outlet with the same authority she brought to the 2008 GOP presidential campaign, and Fox was tired of looking like John McCain.

Sarah Palin was on Fox for three years, a year longer than she was Alaska’s governor, but may draw on her other past experience in future endeavors. The former Miss Wasilla would be a great spokesmodel for products like Naughty Monkey high-heeled shoes or Bushmaster assault rifles. And Mrs. P, who now has a home studio, was once was a sportscaster on an Anchorage TV station. Here’s an aircheck we’re submitting to ESPN:

GOP Extortionists Push Hostages to Edge of Fiscal Cliff

Republicans in the House of Representatives, angry that a pending deal would tax their millionaire masters, are holding America’s working families hostage and threatening to heave them off that Fiscal Cliff. We suspect their rage is really because this crisis (of their own making) forces them to watch college bowl games on TV instead of on the 50 yard line with their wealthy donors.

More:

“G.O.P. Anger Over Tax Deal Endangers Final Passage,” Jennifer Steinhauer and Jonathan Weisman, New York Times

“Cliff deal hits a new snag with House Republicans,” Rosalind Helderman, Ed O’Keefe and Jerry Markon, Washington Post

“House GOP threatens to scuttle fiscal cliff deal,”  Ryu Spaeth, The Week

“Fiscal cliff reveals how dysfunctional Republican nihilism makes US politics,” Michael  Cohen, The Guardian

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Healthcare Reform & Jobs

Will “ObamaCare” kill jobs? The new Affordable Care Act healthcare reform law is modeled after the Massachusetts healthcare law, “RomneyCare,” and the Urban Institute recently studied the situation there. So has RomneyCare killed jobs in Massachusetts?

No.

“Will the Affordable Care Act Be a Job Killer?” Lisa Dubay, John Holahan, Sharon K. Long, and Emily Lawton, Urban Institute Health Policy Center

But beware. ObamaCare will affect your job if your boss is a lunatic, right-wing, GOP ideologue:

GOP ‘Cranks & Crazies’

The Republican Tea Party loons of the U.S. Congress have become world famous, and no wonder, since their capture of the GOP endangers the entire global economy. The most recent observation of this was by Australia’s deputy PM and finance minister, Wayne Swan:

“Let’s be blunt and acknowledge the biggest threat to the world’s biggest economy are the cranks and crazies that have taken over a part of the Republican Party. Global markets are nervously watching the positioning of hardline elements of the Republican Party for signs that they will dangerously block reasonable attempts at compromise.”

“Swan: GOP ‘Cranks and Crazies’ Threaten Growth,” Edward Johnson, Businessweek

They Gave a Tea Party, But Nobody Came.

“The Greater Phoenix Tea Party Patriots group has pulled the plug on Pat Boone and Sheriff Joe Arpaio, cancelling their Sept. 22 ‘Birther’ bash at the city’s Celebrity Theatre ‘due to inadequate ticket sales.’

The venue’s website touts an ‘intimate atmosphere of this 2,650-seat theater in the round’ with an ‘extremely rare revolving stage.’

Prices of entry ranged from $10, for tickets purchased in advance, to $25 if you wanted a ‘Meet and Greet’ with the Maricopa County sheriff, who is pushing for a ‘Congressional investigation into the fraudulent documents produced by the [Obama] administration.”

“Pat Boone and Sheriff Joe’s Arizona ‘Birther’ Party Scrapped,” Gregory J. Krieg, ABC News

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Arizona Immigration Policy Evolves

“If you know Middle Easterners, a lot of them, they look Mexican or they look, you know, like a lot of people in South America, dark skin, dark hair, brown eyes. And they mix. They mix in.

 And those people, their only goal in life is to, to cause harm to the United States. So why do we want them here, either legally or illegally? When they come across the border, besides the trash that they leave behind, the drug smuggling, the killings, the beheadings. I mean, you are seeing stuff. It’s a war out there.”

– Gabriela Saucedo Mercer, Republican Candidate for Arizona’s 3rd Congressional District

More:

“Arizona GOP Favorite Doesn’t Want Middle Easterners In U.S. ‘Legally Or Illegally,’” Nick R. Martin, TPM Muckracker

“Arizona Pol: Middle Easterners Look Like Mexicans And Don’t Belong Here ‘Legally Or Illegally,’” James King, Village Voice

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Palin Canceled by Fox News?

When Sarah Palin, the former Temp-Governor of Alaska, was signed by Fox News as a political commentator, it looked like God’s Own Plan. The word now is that Mrs. Palin may be fired by Fox or, more precisely, her contract will not be renewed. We should have known after the conservative cable outlet scratched her spots at the GOP Convention and she responded with a Facebook snit.

The Discovery Network canceled Sarah Palin’s Alaska after a single season, a half-season longer than she lasted as Alaska’s Governor. An attempt to sell another “reality” show (America’s Got Moose or something) failed.

There is no truth to the rumor that Fox is replacing Sarah Palin with Tina Fey, since we just made that up. You read it here first.

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Unborn Caucus Scores Big on GOP Platform

Acting on the medical advice of Todd Akin’s gynecologist, the Republican National Committee platform panel added a plank outlawing abortion, even in cases of incest, medical necessity, or “legitimate rape.”

You’d think Republicans would be busy crafting meaningful measures to fix the economy they broke instead of reviving the delusional policies they used to destroy it during the Bush administration. Yet here they are, a week before the GOP Convention, getting between women and their doctors instead. Why? The subversive influence of the Zygote Liberation Front, a Tea Party splinter group, which penetrated the GOP platform committee like an intrustive Virginia ultrasound probe.