FBI Has Eyes on Bachmann

“The FBI is investigating complaints of alleged campaign finance violations in Rep. Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign.

Congressman Mark Sanford Sworn In

Disgraced Former Governor Mark Sanford, noted Republican adulterer, was sworn in as the representative of South Carolina’s First Congressional District on Tuesday. Mr. Defense of Marriage Act was accompanied by his paramour, the lovely María Belén Chapur of Argentina. We recognized her from earlier photos.

New Chair of Congressional Adultery Caucus

Disgraced Former Governor Mark Sanford, noted Republican adulterer, has defeated comedian Steven Colbert’s sister and is the new Representative of South Carolina’s First Congressional District. He held that office once before, then became the Palmetto State’s governor and secretly ran off to Argentina with his mistress, telling aides he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.

Sounds like a good candidate for the House Foreign Affairs Committee.

Texas Congressman Sees Another Conspiracy

The Honorable The congressman representing the First District of Texas, Rep. Louie Gohmert, the hero who saved the Republic from The Attack of the Terrorist Babies, has found a new covert menace:

“… this administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”

– “Tea Party Congressman: Muslim Brotherhood Is Guiding Obama In Boston Bombings Investigation,” Igor Volsky, Think Progress

But just how many Muslim Brotherhood members have infiltrated the Obama administration, anyway?

Paul Ryan’s Healthcare Reform Crusade

“We are not going to give up on destroying the healthcare system for the American people.”

— House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R, WI-1)

Source: The Hill

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Mark Sanford Bound for the Capitol via the Appalachian Trail

Disgraced Former Governor Mark Sanford, noted Republican adulterer, has won a primary runoff election and is now the Republican candidate for South Carolina’s First Congressional District. He held that office once before, then became the Palmetto State’s governor and secretly ran off to Argentina with his mistress, telling aides he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. Sounds like a good candidate for the House Foreign Affairs Committee.

He has to win the general election first. Already a figure of ridicule, he’ll have to defeat comedian Steven Colbert’s sister. Really.

Related:

“The Sierra Club helps Mark Sanford find the Appalachian Trail,” Shea Gunther, Mother Nature Network

“Mark Sanford’s fiancée Maria Belen Chapur attends his victory party,” Washington Post

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Defense of Marriage 2013

“I’m glad to see Newt Gingrich holding fast to his position that marriage is between one man and one woman … after another.”

Mark Kleiman, “Portman and Gay Marriage,” Washington Monthly blog

Related:

“Newt Gingrich, Thrice Married Adulterer, Calls for Constitutional Amendment to Protect Marriage,” Steven Thrasher, Village Voice

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Rick Santorum Aspires to Higher Office

Former Senator Rick Santorum delivered a rousing sermon to the CPAC congregation on Friday. He was quite emotional, upset over his failed Christian Theocracy campaign for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination and his defeat in this week’s election in Rome. Mr. Santorum had done quite well in the papal primaries but lost to fellow Italian American Jorge Mario Bergoglio.

So Rick Santorum will continue doing the Lord’s work as lobbyist for spiritual advisor to America’s corporate masters. Until the next conclave or election, anyway.

 Related:

“The Pope of Pennsylvania,” Marie Burns, NY Times Examiner

“Rick Santorum’s son defeated in (class) presidential campaign,” Kristen A. Lee, New York Daily News

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Portman: Conversion of Convenience

Senator Rob Portman (R-OH) bravely decided to reverse his staunch opposition, and support same-sex marriage.

After his son came out.

Two years after.

A half-year after he was passed over as GOP vice presidential candidate.

9 years after voting for a constitutional amendment banning marriage equality.

17 years after voting for the anti-equality Defense of Marriage Act.

Whose Sequester Is It, Anyway?

It must be tough for Speaker of the House John Boehner (R, OH-8) to blame the Sequestration meat ax on President Obama when he voted for it. Moreover, the stupid budget deal is the unruly pet idea of that great GOP intellectual Paul Ryan (R, WI-1), Chairman of the House Budget Committee and failed Republican Vice Presidential candidate: