Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Breakthrough Technology

August 7, 2011

Dr. Bud Haggart explains the Turboencabulator (above), technology that will change your world.

More here.

Short link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-aNY

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Mona Lisa Found?

June 15, 2011

Mona Lisa Found?

Investigators excavating the site of Sant’Orsola convent in Florence have found a skeleton. They believe it might be that of Lisa Gherardini del Giocondo, subject of the most famous portrait in the world, DaVinci’s Mona Lisa.

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What Men Think About

April 12, 2011

What Men Think About

Shed Simove has published a book called What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex. Each of the book’s 200 pages is completely blank.

The book is a worldwide best-seller.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Today’s Holiday

February 21, 2011

Today's Holiday

The 3rd Monday in February finds banks and post offices across America closed, but no one really knows why. Some kind of holiday, obviously.  Some think it’ss called “President’s Day;” some go with “Presidents Day;” others “Presidents’ Day.” According to the United States Code it’s Washington’s Birthday, but George was actually born on February 22nd.

At our house we call the holiday “Lincoln and Cadillac’s Birthday” in recognition of the traditional car sales that mark this day from sea to shining sea. God Bless America and have a safe and sane holiday, whatever you call it.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Turkey Torching Tips for Guys

November 22, 2010

 Turkey Torching Tips for Guys

The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio.

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers do help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry some turkey. Here’s how:

1. Put Fire Department on Speed-Dial. Keep your cell phone in your welding apron pocket. It is unwise to enter a flaming residence to use the telephone.

2. Purchase more equipment. You can never have enough Real Guy outdoor cooking gear. Buy some new stuff at Home Depot first. Don’t bother with those electronic gizmos at Leading Edge; you can never read the LCD screens outdoors anyway. Williams-Sonoma? Isn’t that the California wine the wife likes?

3. Don’t forget the turkey. Make sure it is big enough to bother with. Double-check to make sure you are not buying a goat or lamb.

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Happy Fiscal New Year

October 1, 2010

Happy Fiscal New Year

“May old encumbrance be forgot, and never brought to mind . . . .”
– Singer and retired Federal employee Joe Hickerson.

WASHINGTON, DC, October 1 — While some District of Columbia residents celebrate the merciful end of the Nationals’ baseball season, Federal employees throughout the Washington region and across the country observe their traditional holiday, the Fiscal New Year. Fiscal 2010 ended at midnight last night; today is the start of Fiscal Year 2011 (FY 2011 for short).

Fiscal New Year’s Eve in DC is always hectic with shredding, firing, and hiring. Lobbyists pitch in, helping Congressional staffers craft last-minute earmarks to hang from the Continuing Resolution.

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The iPad Gets Sticky

September 9, 2010

 The iPad Gets Sticky

It seems like the iPad has been with us forever. Many early adopters have had one for weeks already, and couldn’t do … something-or-other without it.  The device has one slight design flaw, but engineers have finally found an elegant work-around:

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Secret Summer Appointment of Famous Judge

August 22, 2010

 Secret Summer Appointment of Famous Judge

There have been secret judicial appointments during the summer recess, according to credible sources. While the appointments of these key judges have yet to be officially confirmed, at least one is being reported as fact by major media outlets.

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Netherlands vs Spain

July 11, 2010

Netherlands vs Spain

UPDATED here.

The final match of the 2010 World Cup will be played shortly. The competitors, The Netherlands and Spain, have a history. Lots of history, chiefly the overtime contest called The Eighty Years War or Tachtigjarige Oorlog (1568–1648).

The war began under the leadership of coaches William of Orange on the Dutch side, with Philip II coaching Spain. The outcome? Hint: the struggle is also called the Dutch War of Independence.

Back to today’s match: neither side has won the World Cup in the entire history of FIFA competition. How long is that? Eighty years.

 

Image (William of Orange vs Philip II) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Tonight: Perfect DC Entertainment

May 13, 2010

 Tonight: Perfect DC Entertainment

Tonight, after your 9 to 5, go straight to Wonderland Ballroom for a session of PowerPoint Karaoke. Starting at 6:30 PM, cubicle slaves will ad-lib presentations illustrated by a display of random PowerPoint slides. Sounds like a typical meeting at work, except for the booze. Will there be donuts? Go and find out.

PowerPoint Karaoke
Thursday, May 13, 2010
6:30 PM — 8:30 PM

Wonderland Ballroom
1101 Kenyon St, NW
Washington, DC 20010
(202) 232-5263

Presented by I Hate My 9 to 5

Psst: You can sign up early.

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