What Men Think About

Shed Simove has published a book called What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex. Each of the book’s 200 pages is completely blank.

The book is a worldwide best-seller.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Today’s Holiday

The 3rd Monday in February finds banks and post offices across America closed, but no one really knows why. Some kind of holiday, obviously.  Some think it’ss called “President’s Day;” some go with “Presidents Day;” others “Presidents’ Day.” According to the United States Code it’s Washington’s Birthday, but George was actually born on February 22nd.

At our house we call the holiday “Lincoln and Cadillac’s Birthday” in recognition of the traditional car sales that mark this day from sea to shining sea. God Bless America and have a safe and sane holiday, whatever you call it.

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Turkey Torching Tips for Guys

 

The National Fire Protection Association claims “turkey fryers that use oil, as currently designed, are not suitable for acceptably safe use by even a well-informed and careful consumer.” Wimps! Thursday is Thanksgiving, when we give thanks for college football and a four-day weekend. That’s when Real American Men generate Code Orange air quality by incinerating poultry on the patio.

Any pantywaist can cook on those SUV-sized natural gas, propane, electric, or gelignite-powered barbecue grills with all those fancy features (good subwoofers do help spread sauce evenly, though). Nah, let’s get ready to deep-fry some turkey. Here’s how:

1. Put Fire Department on Speed-Dial. Keep your cell phone in your welding apron pocket. It is unwise to enter a flaming residence to use the telephone.

2. Purchase more equipment. You can never have enough Real Guy outdoor cooking gear. Buy some new stuff at Home Depot first. Don’t bother with those electronic gizmos at Leading Edge; you can never read the LCD screens outdoors anyway. Williams-Sonoma? Isn’t that the California wine the wife likes?

3. Don’t forget the turkey. Make sure it is big enough to bother with. Double-check to make sure you are not buying a goat or lamb.

Happy Fiscal New Year

“May old encumbrance be forgot, and never brought to mind . . . .”
– Singer and retired Federal employee Joe Hickerson.

WASHINGTON, DC, October 1 — While some District of Columbia residents celebrate the merciful end of the Nationals’ baseball season, Federal employees throughout the Washington region and across the country observe their traditional holiday, the Fiscal New Year. Fiscal 2010 ended at midnight last night; today is the start of Fiscal Year 2011 (FY 2011 for short).

Fiscal New Year’s Eve in DC is always hectic with shredding, firing, and hiring. Lobbyists pitch in, helping Congressional staffers craft last-minute earmarks to hang from the Continuing Resolution.

The iPad Gets Sticky

 

It seems like the iPad has been with us forever. Many early adopters have had one for weeks already, and couldn’t do … something-or-other without it.  The device has one slight design flaw, but engineers have finally found an elegant work-around:

Secret Summer Appointment of Famous Judge

 

There have been secret judicial appointments during the summer recess, according to credible sources. While the appointments of these key judges have yet to be officially confirmed, at least one is being reported as fact by major media outlets.

Netherlands vs Spain

UPDATED here.

The final match of the 2010 World Cup will be played shortly. The competitors, The Netherlands and Spain, have a history. Lots of history, chiefly the overtime contest called The Eighty Years War or Tachtigjarige Oorlog (1568–1648).

The war began under the leadership of coaches William of Orange on the Dutch side, with Philip II coaching Spain. The outcome? Hint: the struggle is also called the Dutch War of Independence.

Back to today’s match: neither side has won the World Cup in the entire history of FIFA competition. How long is that? Eighty years.

 

Image (William of Orange vs Philip II) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Tonight: Perfect DC Entertainment

 

Tonight, after your 9 to 5, go straight to Wonderland Ballroom for a session of PowerPoint Karaoke. Starting at 6:30 PM, cubicle slaves will ad-lib presentations illustrated by a display of random PowerPoint slides. Sounds like a typical meeting at work, except for the booze. Will there be donuts? Go and find out.

PowerPoint Karaoke
Thursday, May 13, 2010
6:30 PM — 8:30 PM

Wonderland Ballroom
1101 Kenyon St, NW
Washington, DC 20010
(202) 232-5263

Presented by I Hate My 9 to 5

Psst: You can sign up early.

 

‘Eyjafjallajökull,’ Just Like It’s Spelled.

Just say “Eyjafjallajökull.”

Couldn’t be simpler. Pronounce  ”ö” and “u” as the French “eu” in “bleu” and ”ll” as “tl” but with clenched teeth. The letter “j” sounds like “y” and the accent is on the first syllable, which sounds like the Canadian “eh?”

Try drinking some Brennivin first.

More pronunciation help:

Easter Breakfast

Sure, you can serve the usual Easter Breakfast fare, but discerning palates prefer something truly seasonal. Something like Cadbury Creme Eggs Benedict.

Happy holiday.

 

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license. Credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.