Disgraced former Speaker Newt Gingrich is vying for Intergalactic Republican Supremacy in Tuesday’s primary battle for Truth, Justice, Adultery and the American Way. “America has a destiny in space,” Mr. Gingrich bravely told a crowd of aerospace engineers at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville. No odds on what he dealt out to casino workers in Biloxi.
Let’s face it, disgraced ex-Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich isn’t going to be the Republican presidential candidate, let alone the next U.S. President. Frankly, after the kind of things he’s been saying, no one on Earth would give him a job.
Of course, Mr. Gingrich would rather slip the bonds of Earth for a job in outer space, as despot ruler of his Moon Base. But lunar colonies are too expensive and illegal and, in any case, the man doesn’t have any kind of executive experience. There may be a related opportunity, however, and Newt Gingrich has the perfect résumé and wardrobe. He would make a great maître d’ at the Orbital Playboy Club on the Virgin Galactic Space Station.
Related:
“Is moon base really the ‘weirdest’ Newt Gingrich idea? Maybe not.” Peter Grier, Christian Science Monitor
“Newt Gingrich’s Fantasy Campaign—and the Fictions That Gave Rise to It,” Jeet Heer, The Atlantic
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Newton Leroy Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House, lost the Nevada Republican Presidential Caucus on Saturday, a crap shoot won by Mitt Romney. The campaign of High Roller Gingrich is now $600,000 in debt.
Nevada draws 50 million tourists a year with its two famed industries, whores and gambling. Sadly for Mr. Gingrich, he’s losing the backing of Nevada casino owner Sheldon Adelson, and Nevada’s prostitutes voted for Ron Paul.
Related:
“Gingrich Backer Sheldon Adelson Faces Questions About Chinese Business Affairs,” Steve Huff, New York Observer
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Newt Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House, is running for U.S. President, and he has a unique education platform. After poor children finish cleaning school toilets and graduate from high school, they can work their way through college, too. If the nation repealed those pesky child labor laws, it could rid itself of over-paid unionized school janitors and government-subsidized loans for coddled, lazy college students, too. right?
Tonight, somewhere in Florida, Newton Leroy Gingrich is mooning over his GOP primary loss to Mitt Romney. An attempt to attract voters from the state’s aerospace industry by proposing a lunar colony ended in a sudden loss of gravitas. Pundit Charles Krauthammer calls that moon base speech Newt’s “Dukakis in the tank moment.” [Youngsters: look here.]
The low Earth orbit of Space Cadet Gingrich wobbles toward Nevada’s Republican Caucus on Saturday. Meanwhile, tonight, the moon gleams above Biscayne Bay.
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We are now on the final 48-hour countdown to Blast-Off in the Florida Republican Primary. Space Commander Newton Leroy Gingrich hopes to go where no man has gone before, from congressional disgrace to the White House. Mitt Romney hopes this will be Newt’s Final Frontier.
We hope to hear from Mission Control after the Florida polls close Tuesday at 7:00 PM.
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Newt Gingrich, disgraced ex-Speaker of the House, addressed GOP voters on Florida’s Space Coast this week, so of course he spoke of reviving the area’s aerospace industry by colonizing the Moon. Perhaps he’ll campaign in Nevada in support of gambling and whorehouses.
But Mr. Gingrich has soared through the deep void of space since 1984, when he, along with David Drake and 2nd ex-wife Marianne, published Window of Opportunity: A Blueprint for the Future. Today, copies of that volume sell for as much as 66 cents.
In today’s South Carolina Republican primary, the state’s pious values voters have spoken. Better a disgraced career politician and thrice-married admitted adulterer than a member of the Latter Day Saints. GOP voters understand adultery just fine, but not Mormon theology (who does?).
Attacking the media helped, too.
Q: “Will Angry White Man Performance Win Gingrich GOP Nomination?”
A: Yup.
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While in Charleston debating family values and ideological purity with GOP rivals, Newton Leroy Gingrich found himself debating Ex-Wife #2 on what to call his adultery. In an interview with Brian Ross of ABC News, Marianne Gingrich claimed Mr. Gingrich, revealing his 6-year affair with then-employee Callista Bisek, asked her for an “open marriage.” The happy couple divorced in 1999. Callista Bisek is now Gingrich Wife #3.
Mr. Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House, angrily denied the “Open Marriage” charge before God and the television audience. He apparently prefers to call his adultery something else. No word on what he called it when he cheated on Wife #1 with Marianne in much the same fashion.
As a Virginia registered Republican, presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich is eligible to vote in Virginia’s GOP Primary on March 5, 2012, but he isn’t eligible to be on the ballot. His campaign in the Old Dominion failed to get the signatures of 10,000 fellow Virginians on its nominating petition.
This really hits him where he lives. Newt Gingrich moved to McLean in 1999, where he and Callista Bisek moved in together in May 2000. They were married in Fairfax County that August. Mr. Gingrich has voted in McLean since 2002.
