Posts Tagged ‘Gingrich’

Gingrich Campaign: What’s Next, a Bake Sale?

March 29, 2012

Gingrich Campaign: What's Next, a Bake Sale?

Former Tiffany Candidate Newt Gingrich is running out of money for his presidential campaign. Cut off by the Las Vegas casino owner who was bankrolling him, the visionary thinker has come up with a typically grandiose fundraising solution. From now on if you want your photo taken with the former House Speaker it will cost you 50 bucks. According to reports, it will take a mere 32,000 fan photos to get the Gingrich campaign out of debt.

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Gingrich Battles in Gulf Coast and Lunar Primaries

March 13, 2012

Gingrich Battles in Gulf Coast and Lunar Primaries

Disgraced former Speaker Newt Gingrich is vying for Intergalactic Republican Supremacy in Tuesday’s primary battle for Truth, Justice, Adultery and the American Way. “America has a destiny in space,” Mr. Gingrich bravely told a crowd of aerospace engineers at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville. No odds on what he dealt out to casino workers in Biloxi.

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Newt’s Next Job

February 27, 2012

Newt's Next Job

Let’s face it, disgraced ex-Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich isn’t going to be the Republican presidential candidate, let alone the next U.S. President. Frankly, after the kind of things he’s been saying, no one on Earth would give him a job.

Of course, Mr. Gingrich would rather slip the bonds of Earth for a job in outer space, as despot ruler of his Moon Base. But lunar colonies are too expensive and illegal and, in any case, the man doesn’t have any kind of executive experience.  There may be a related opportunity, however, and Newt Gingrich has the perfect résumé and wardrobe. He would make a great maître d’ at the Orbital Playboy Club on the Virgin Galactic Space Station.

Related:

“Is moon base really the ‘weirdest’ Newt Gingrich idea? Maybe not.” Peter Grier, Christian Science Monitor

“Newt Gingrich’s Fantasy Campaign—and the Fictions That Gave Rise to It,” Jeet Heer, The Atlantic

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Gingrich Craps Out

February 6, 2012

Gingrich Craps Out

Newton Leroy Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House, lost the Nevada Republican Presidential Caucus on Saturday, a crap shoot won by Mitt Romney. The campaign of High Roller Gingrich is now $600,000 in debt.

Nevada draws 50 million tourists a year with its two famed industries, whores and gambling. Sadly for Mr. Gingrich, he’s losing the backing of Nevada casino owner Sheldon Adelson, and Nevada’s prostitutes voted for Ron Paul.

Related:

“Gingrich Backer Sheldon Adelson Faces Questions About Chinese Business Affairs,” Steve Huff, New York Observer

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Newt: Every Student Must Work, Like I Didn’t

February 3, 2012

Newt: Every Student Must Work, Like I Didn't

Newt Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House, is running for U.S. President, and he has a unique education platform. After poor children finish cleaning school toilets and graduate from high school, they can work their way through college, too. If the nation repealed those pesky child labor laws, it could rid itself of over-paid unionized school janitors and government-subsidized loans for coddled, lazy college students, too. right?

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Moon Over Miami

January 31, 2012

Moon Over Miami

Tonight, somewhere in Florida, Newton Leroy Gingrich is mooning over his GOP primary loss to Mitt Romney. An attempt to attract voters from the state’s aerospace industry by proposing a lunar colony ended in a sudden loss of gravitas. Pundit Charles Krauthammer calls that moon base speech Newt’s “Dukakis in the tank moment.”  [Youngsters: look here.]

The low Earth orbit of Space Cadet Gingrich wobbles toward Nevada’s Republican Caucus on Saturday. Meanwhile, tonight, the moon gleams above Biscayne Bay.

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Image (“Moon over Miami, after Clement Hurd”) by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Countdown to Florida

January 30, 2012

Countdown to Florida

We are now on the final 48-hour countdown to Blast-Off in the Florida Republican Primary. Space Commander Newton Leroy Gingrich hopes to go where no man has gone before, from congressional disgrace to the White House. Mitt Romney hopes this will be Newt’s Final Frontier.

We hope to hear from Mission Control after the Florida polls close Tuesday at 7:00 PM.

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Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

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Newt Skywalker, Space Cadet!

January 27, 2012

Newt Skywalker, Space Cadet

Newt Gingrich, disgraced ex-Speaker of the House, addressed GOP voters on Florida’s Space Coast this week, so of course he spoke of reviving the area’s aerospace industry by colonizing the Moon. Perhaps he’ll campaign in Nevada in support of gambling and whorehouses.

But Mr. Gingrich has soared through the deep void of space since 1984, when he, along with David Drake and 2nd ex-wife Marianne, published Window of Opportunity: A Blueprint for the Future. Today, copies of that volume sell for as much as 66 cents.

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South Carolina GOP: Adulterer 1, Mormon 0

January 21, 2012

South Carolina GOP: Adulterer 1, Mormon 0

In today’s South Carolina Republican primary, the state’s pious values voters have spoken. Better a disgraced career politician and thrice-married admitted adulterer than a member of the Latter Day Saints. GOP voters understand adultery just fine, but not Mormon theology (who does?).

Attacking the media helped, too.

Q: “Will Angry White Man Performance Win Gingrich GOP Nomination?”

A: Yup.

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Short Link: http://wp.me/p6sb6-chN

Image by Mike Licht. Download a copy here. Creative Commons license; credit Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Comments are welcome if they are on-topic, substantive, concise, and not boring or obscene. Comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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Gingrich Family Values

January 19, 2012

Gingrich Family Values

While in Charleston debating family values and ideological purity with GOP rivals, Newton Leroy Gingrich found himself debating Ex-Wife #2 on what to call his adultery. In an interview with Brian Ross of ABC News, Marianne Gingrich claimed Mr. Gingrich, revealing his 6-year affair with then-employee Callista Bisek, asked her for an “open marriage.”  The happy couple divorced in 1999. Callista Bisek is now Gingrich Wife #3.

Mr. Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House, angrily denied the “Open Marriage” charge before God and the television audience.  He apparently prefers to call his adultery something else. No word on what he called it when he cheated on Wife #1 with Marianne in much the same fashion.

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